87- perspectives, the difference

Daddy;
On the one hand I was gathering people for a thanksgiving session, on the other that my own thanksgiving had to make way for other emerging desires, most of which were of no real values- catching a film, playing a game. In my perspective, I am just an average man whom like any average man, have the tendency to forget, to compromise, or to even betray. Yet, in Your eyes, I am special. I cannot fathom, but I know for that single fact that I am special, You are willing to love me and die for me. Thank you Father! 
Exams have come to an end, an the returning date has been set on slightly less than a week from now. In between I have quite a substantial list of items on my checklist yet to be checked. It's perhaps a settling period. 


Today, we went to little Thailand for dinner. Thai food, Thai words, Thai music, Thai language, and behind the facade was Thai misfortune, Thai ugliness. Indeed Thailand remains one of the most prominent countries in the world to partake in the share of the immoral pie- sex trade. 
Lord, I just wanna pray for Your hands to be upon this issue. Lord, just as You have helped me know of Your love, help these people too to learn of Your great love for them. Help them to cherish their bodies, and quash this industries so that no more will be hurt. Lord, raise up people to walk into these ministries, so that Your light will shine forth and Your love be extended out to them!
In Christ's name,
Amen!

Your child,

Judah

Into my hands I dived my head;
Oblivious to Your cause; ignorant to Your lead.
In the Spirit You spoke light into darkness;
In the decades I transform into Your likeness!

Psalm 9:9
"The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble."

88- trudging throughout the seasons

Daddy,
It happened again. I spent the entire day cooping myself up in this apartment which has been my home for 20 odd years, very much due to the much overdue exam preparation for tomorrow's not one, but two papers. It was the same distracted self, the usual sleep-deprived me. But at least now I am yearning to write to You. Yes Father, thank You for calling out to me and pulling me to You! 
It has only been a little while, not much longer than the yesteryear since Serve ended, before I entered army. All along I thought that was the trigger- an ego-smashing experience, together with the discomfort from an unfriendly environment. That was perhaps one of those irrational compelling factors for me to signed above those lines. 
But today I seemed to have a bit of revelation. It had started way before that. Sometimes we have the tendency to oversimplify concepts, The idea of seasonal life-phases depicts beautiful scenic imageries of each episodes, but my limited capacities always mean that I would frequent the mistakes of disjoint. Even in the nature world, the trees are only able to survive the chill of winter because they would shed their leaves in the Autumn. Yet the transitions were so frequently overlooked, and the attributions almost non-existent.
3 years back when I was 17, major occurrences already laid the way. I had not entered this Family back then, so if this has been intended, that I have to go through these roads to be where I am now, and if this is Your plan and Your design for my life, Lord, help me to carry on. I think I am feeling the exhaustion; I feel that I am slipping into the habits of irresponsibilities, procrastinations, indecisiveness, hypocrisy, and even inconsistencies. You are the God of excellence, so Lord, help me and inspire me with Your goodness to help me get by this dread.
Daddy, I am desperate!
In Christ's name,
Amen!

Your child,

Judah

Sunshine. downpour;
a year in four.
Trudging through for fish and loaves;
Reigning throughout Your Agape love!

Ecclesiastes 3:1
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven"

89-prodigal son

Daddy,
Thank you for the camp, really! For a long period of time, I have forsaken what I like and the camp really brought back a lot of those memories! Thank You Father! 
Sickness and discomfort aside, even the impending anxiety and nerves from the papers 2 days later too aside, right now at this moment I just wanna talk to You so much! So often, I would just go in circles and give the generics and yesterday it suddenly just dawned on me that I lack the specifics. Dislike*
If possible Lord, will You just mould me in all of these aspects. Just like Skitguy's God's Chisel, I ought not to be making any personal request in the moulding process, but will You just look at me Lord. I commit myself to Your hands and pray hard (x1000) that however You will change me, let me be a willing party, and let me see Your purpose in every changes I will go through!


In Christ's name,
Amen!

Your son,

Judah

Away from Your face I turned my back,
trusting in my own strength to play life's deck.
A void grew; that missing heart,
Your grace shown; an undeserving part.

Luke 15:20
"But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him."

91- an absence drives a wedge

Dear Lord, 
I know I shouldn't be relying on this too much. Even more so, I really ought to have done better in so many aspects. On the 92nd day, I failed miserably, and once again I had to be convinced that it's by Your grace and not by our credit that we can come to You. No matter how I try, I will never be good enough so Lord, just help me to trust and rely on You more. For when I am finally in tune with You, Your ways will be my way, and Your thoughts my thought- I will detest what You loath, do what You intend, love what You embrace. Lord, I am sinful and I am bad. Time and again I have done bad, worse still I've been a hypocrite and a coward, only boasting about You and I, but forever shy to share about him and I. "he" is that one, ugly detestable side of this world, the fallen one, the unrepentant one, so Lord, I just pray for You to take me away from him and keep him away from me! Thank You Lord!
Today is thanksgiving. As I sat for another paper and hurried down to church for a camp, I guess complaints have to subside. 
Yesterday I think I heard some very meaningful words from You, but I have missed to note them down. Once I believe if those words are from You, they will never be gone nor forgotten. How foolish I am- isn't that taking Your words for granted. Now that they are gone I pray for You to speak to me again. I will note them down this time round for sure! Sorry Daddy, and thank You for Your forgiveness in advance! *love!

Your son,

Judah

The blue of the skies, the green of the pastures;
the coolness of the breeze, the warmth of the companion;
the peace of the silence, the joy of the laughters;
the fragrance of nature, the aroma of the brew;
the goodness in this life; the sweetness in Your love.

Thank You Daddy! <3

Psalm 136:1
"Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever."

93 - I think I can feel you

Father,
Why is there so much hurt in this world? If You are always in control all these while, why do things sometimes go so out of order? I formulated a conviction not too long back, that indeed You were here even before Moses or Abraham (John 8:58); that You knew us even before we were born (Jeremiah 1:5); that You knew even our wayward ways; that You knew fully what kind of decisions we are likely to make in our lives; that despite You are not constrained by human timelines. It's the same argument I would have presented the previous time during the Pontius Pilate debate if I had been one of the speakers. 
You gave us free will, but You already know what we would choose. And often, it's the wrong decisions that we make that seemingly swing things out of order, but yet inspire of all these, You are still and always have been in control. Wow* Mind-bogging, but Lord let me know if I'm right!


Today is the 93rd and ongoing still, and I just want to remember it as the triplet day and dedicate it to all families- the father, the mom, and the child. It's such a bliss for us to be able to participate in this joy of being in a family, but yet I just want to remember the hurt in the midst of all these. I cannot possibly describe nor understand the kind of pain any broken family would have to go through, but Lord I just want to pray for Your comfort to be with them. Whatever it may be, Lord I just want to pray for You to heal the hurt. I know the joy of having You in our lives, and only You are capable of bringing back those smiles, so  I just wanna commit P, G, C, B, and CS and all other single parents into Your mighty hands. You know it all, the past, the present and the future, and I trust that in You, all of them have a bright future. 


In Christ's name,
Amen!

Your son,

Judah

Stars in the sky,
tears in my eyes.
Indescribably Your works unfold,
into Your likeness we'll be mold.

Jeremiah 1:5
Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.

94- most expressive

Daddy God,
I have just come back to hall. It's been a nice few days at home with the company of my family. How Astounded I was when I discovered how long it had been since I last watched any television programs, even more so how much longer has it been since I last enjoyed a good laughter with my family. All in all, it's been a blessed period, just to be in each others' presence, and of course I ought to learn to appreciate them more. 


Every bit we drift contributes to the distance we create between You and us. You have never moved, but like an indulgent kid, every bit of added comfort prompts us to explore a little further, sometimes even forgetting the "You" whom have so faithfully halted in anticipation of our return. Until one day we drift so far (during which we may be blown off our feet by the marvels of the world forgetting the same Creator whom we share; sometimes the fun of the world gets the better of us that we forget that the one most meaningful relationship has been jeopardized; other times we even embrace the "perceived better" only to trudge upon the foundation of a love story), so far away that the void calls out pain, and the waiting One cries out hurt.


Daddy, will You just keep me. While tonight may not have been like the past few and the "feel-good" might have been so much lesser, but Lord, just keep me close. Let me praise You not only in good times, but also in bad, for You're the God of my life- even the bad can be meant for Your goodness. 


Genesis 50:20
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."


Indeed Lord, I am not good enough, neither do I know enough, but in You I shouldn't ask for anything else. 

Your son,

Judah

(exhaustion*)
Sometimes the most expressive sentiment does not come in word-forms.
In desperation, all we need is to reach out our hands,
and His would have already been outstretched for us to take.

John Piper: "God is most glorified when I am most satisfied in Him."
Psalm 23:1
"The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want."

95- A prayer for a reconcilation

Dear Daddy God,
I don't like what's on my mind...


Luke 6:41
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"


Today has not been particularly eventful, but there has been some attempt to revive some lost passion. I am going back to the sketching business after the examinations. Anyway, Lord, this is the first time I'm experiencing so much peace preparing for an exam. Not that I am super well-prepared, in fact until today, I was still kinda behind time for some of the major readings, but yet that peace. I don't think it would be wise to blame You for the lay-back-ness, but that peace I have to credit it to You. John Piper said You are most glorified when I am most satisfied in You, so Lord, in any case help me to be diligent, and be contended with whatever capacities I have inherited from You! 


Today in a casual exchange, H feedback that I haven't exactly always picked the nice words. Meaning that I could have been a little too nasty sometimes. Noted* I ought to be more gentle, and by that I ask You to mold me in Your ways! 


Today I just want to pray for CS! You know the kind of hurt she has been through. Indeed You know all things, so Lord, I just want to pray for Your comfort and presence to be with her. Indeed, many a times we get frustrated and angry with You because we disagree with a seemingly too-uncomfortable situation. *Wrong! Because we often fail to see Your plans unfold, and Your goodness reveal, so Lord, I just pray for Your Godly wisdom to be upon us, and help us to see through Your eyes! Lord, she is your child, and I just wanna pray for You to meet with her personally and bring her back to this family!
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!

Love from Your  Son,

Judah

A relationship You've yearned,
one that we could not have earned.
Such mercy and such grace, we can but only embrace.

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord,
"plans to prosper you and not to harm you,
plans to give you hope and a future.

96- At a loss

God hath not promised skys always blue

Dear Lord,
It's a radical change. How I respond, how I behave, how I believe, I'm feeling the transformation from within and they have to be credited to You. I pray for You to continue working in these ways, and even so may Your plan be done on earth as it is in Heaven.
Abba Father, at this point in time, I am feeling so grey. 3 years of involvement to witness what it actually has been liked. It's funny how I have felt comfortable and settled, and even when I made the decision to leave 2 years ago, how I had eventually decided against it and was convinced that I still had a part to play. Despite such conviction, it had not been strong enough to propel me to seek and ask. Wrong* I have never seen the need to ask and took it for granted that You'll show me if it's meant to be (I'm free from that responsibility of asking).
Right now, I just thank You for opening my eyes. I do not yet know if what I have seen is what You have designed. but I am finally able to come to terms with the fact that people need God, God does not need people, but in His love hence our involvement. There must be a change, there has to be a change, there will be a change. And that change only You can bring. Whichever men You may bring, let Your will be done.
It's heart-wrenching. That kind of helplessness, when there is so much to be desired, but at the end of the day, that desire had to remain as a sore desire.


Galatians 1:10
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of God."


I am guilty how I have harvested the fears of the world- those of rejection, those of isolation, those of stigmatization. But yet that was the only way, apart from which I really do not know how. Lord, please take over. That burden of my heart, whether it being a personal calling, or a genuine concern for the fellowship, I want to commit them to You.
Lord, I pray for a spark of change- one that will propel us, one that pushes us out from our comfort zone, one that helps us to acknowledge the greater circle. Let it not be a matter of whether we are ready, but an issue of whether we have finally heard Your voice.


Isaiah 6:8
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "whom shall I send? And who will go for us?
Änd I said, "Here am I. Send me!


Lord, will You imprint those impressions on the hearts of many too? It's a cold ambiance, but You can make it warm again. Take away the obliviousness, take away the take-it-for-granted, take away segregation, take away gossips, take away criticism. take away hypocrisy, take away human judgement. Whatever that is not of You and serves only to stumble our walk with You, Lord, take it away from us!
Let this be a cry that has only stemmed from Your love. Remove any grievance that I might have and help me to adopt that concept of "What would Jesus do". Indeed Lord, teach me, what will You do?
In Jesus's name,
Amen.

Your Son,

Judah

God has not promised a smooth and easy path,
but in every difficulties and struggle He will always hold our hands tight.
Just as when we see only a set of footprints,
it is that He has carried us through.

Matthew 7:14
"But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."

Testimony 2011- my life as a Christian (until now)

Perhaps I have never realised, but now I do. That You have always been working in so many areas of my life, but I was too blind to notice. Excuse* I have been too preoccupied with other things to even bother. It's been 3 years already.I always thought when I first came to You, I must have been at my hottest pursuit, but You proved me wrong again. Your works in my life is beyond what I can fathom. Many are the plans of the fools, but it's Your plan which will ultimately prevail. Amen to that! 

2 years ago, I entered God family. I came across the name Judah and was fascinated (I did not know the existence of a Judas Iscariot back then, having started from Genesis) and I picked it myself. We always say we should pray in order for You to be involved, but now I say we pray in order to acknowledge Your involvement. It's really to build us up. And that name, it has been a humbling experience, to be teased and ridiculed. More so, it taught me it's the meaning of the name which we have to live up to, not the lives of the predecessors that we have to model. Anyway, I learn recently that in that 500 years of silence, a Judah came up against one of the ruling powers to keep the Jews free. So thank You for the encouragement. 

Thereafter, I put myself through a season away from You. There've been moments where I seek You. Wrong* There've been moments where I thought I need You. Wrong* There've been moments when I tried You... Yes, regardless of how highly I might have verbally regarded You, on retrospect, I think I've only seen You as one of the many alternatives to help me cope with some of my life's worst experiences. 

Yet, despite all those, You've always been faithful, longing for my return.

I don't know when it started. I'm now more able to come to terms with facts like I'm no longer doing as well in school after I have come to Christ. To begin with, You've been missing in all my pursuits. 

Lord, I prayed for a changed heart. And I thank You for helping me cry. My previous letter talked about an anticipation, and I'm really convinced and excited about what You have in store for me. These 100 days, Lord, speak to me (and help me to listen)! 

In Jesus's name I pray,

Amen

Your Son,

Judah

A longing, only You can fill <3

Letters to God

God works in many ways, and who says this may not just be one of them. Lead me, Lord.

Dear God,

I thank You for Tyler. He's been a blessing. So much pain and so much sufferings, You've put Him through a lot, but only You know how much he could take. Now that he's with You, I have only praise and thanks for You. Like what Sam had mentioned, "Tyler's life is a letter to God"".

I've learnt genuineness in relationships, true caring, true love, and above all to always ask myself how would Jesus act in whatever situation that I may be put in. Right now, I just want to pray that this letter is not one that is written on impulse, but really, a spark to ignite my passion for You. To have You in all my perspectives, and to have You in every aspect of my life.

It is such a wonderful thing to write letter to you, "ït's just like  texting your best friend." Lord, let this not be a chore but a genuine longing for You. Indeed wherever You may be, that is the best place to seek an answer. Lord, I'm filled with so many question marks, but I trust that You'll reveal them all to me in Your own time.

What have I been doing with my life? Lord, I pray for You to take over. Yes Lord, I offer my life to You. And wherever it may be, where Your voice is not heard, let me speak of Your goodness; where Your presence is not felt, let Your love flow through me. It's a long process, sometimes too difficult to sustain, but Lord, like Tyler, I trust that You would not put me through more than what I can take. Wherever You may place me, Lord, just change me, so that I can be more like You. Change me, so that people see You through me. Change me, so that I can forget about whatever self-gratification thoughts that I may have in my mind.

Today's the special 98, and this 100 days, I'm beginning to believe that You're gonna do something wonderful through it all.

In Jesus's name, Amen!

In bountiful love,

Your child,

Judah<3

The special 99- a dedication

The special 99: the heart's burden, heavier than ever before.
I pray for a revelation and a new heart that'll help me live out Matthew 6:33.


How foolish is a man. For every special someone I identify in my life, I have to realize that I need seek no further, because NO ONE is any more than Him!


Proverbs 19:21
"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."

This day I lift up my hands,
dedicating my life to your plans.
Matthew 6:33
"Seek ye first Thy Kingdom,
and all these things will be added unto you."

The special day

As planned about a week ago, here arrives the special day. It's kinda funny how I raised people's curiosity level, yet did not want to reveal the mystery full. I mean those who bother will eventually find out themselves, won't they? Hopefully.

Anyway, exams are taking a toll on many of us. Sister and I have fallen ill, and many more are struggling to deal with stress. Yet, by His grace and mercy, He has placed this burden unto each and everyone of our hearts that this morning 8 of us actually managed to come together to dwell in a time of thanksgiving and worship. What a wonderful time to help us take our minds off work and really just run to Him. Bryan's sharing was an icing on the cake- his humor is one of a kind! What a way to celebrate this special day of mine!

It's finally the 100th day count-down to my big 21st. I hope I haven't been making a big fuss out of this, but as I cross this milestone, I really hope I can make a difference to those around me, and let it be a milestone for them as well. I'm still quite uncertain as to how I wish to spend this 100 days- a hundred little efforts seem a little tough. It's an underestimation when I said that previously, but that significance ought to be preserved. For today (the hundredth), I've reserved it for my best pal, Joel Wong. Just wanna say thank you to for being a part of my life. ^^

You've hurled me onto this narrow path,
Tough yet pressing on by simple faith.

Proverbs 18: 24
"A man of many companions may come to ruin,
but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

His Story; our story

His Story, our story

Tell me a story, I need You my Lord

Father hear me from wherever You are.

Time after time, I've failed to stand by,

But Your faithfulness has always endured.

Lord, I'm grateful for the love that You've shown.

The life, that You've created

Is a story that has yet to be told.

You are the Greatest Author,

whose masterplan slowly unfolds.

A Divine story that You have written,

The Greatest assurance that Your child has been given,

You are Lord!

King of kings, 

The angels sing.

You my Lord, forever reign!

Tales of man, the masterplan

Of which I'm within!

Day by day, 

Your faithfulness has never failed us! 

The story of Grace and Mercy,

My Savior!

Hebrews 12:2
"Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the Author and Perfecter of our faith,
 who for the joy set beside Him
endured the cross,
scorning its shame,
and sat down at the right hand of the
throne of God"

Reaching for the distant moon

Many times we fail because we haven't wanted it enough

Give what little we have, and all else will be added unto us!

A hotline

24-hours operator-on-standby services

17 November 2011 is a 100 days from my 21st birthday. I thank God for many impressions and all, and I really do not want to be just see-er or hearer, but genuinely, do-er of His works. So I pray for discipline that I will swing them into actions real soon. 

I'm so gonna identify 21 most important people in my life, and do a little something which I'm decently good at (sketch perhaps) for each of them. Over the course of this 100 days, I'm gonna identify many people, and send them one (Jesus loves you) verse each day until my birthday. I just wanna convey His love to you, my dear ones! (since this blog is kinda secluded, I'd like to dedicate such commitment to Daddy God<3) 

Reflection: 

I've been walking around in circles- big ones, small ones; rounds ones, not so perfect ones. With the passing of each day was the passing of a million other things that we could have done without. I like the concept of a carefree life, and I admire the ways in which the birds could live out that previous claim. Matthew 6:26 "Look at the birds in the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barnes, and yet your Heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?" This is the what the Word says, and this is what many of us believers were told to believe, albeit all difficulties that living in such a society suggests. 

One day while I was constructing one of these many circles, I was particularly strongly impressed that why should God be satisfied with that 5 or 10 minutes we squeeze out from our daily insanity for Him, when even those 5-10 minutes had to be rushed to squeeze back in the things we have deliberately taken out to make space for Him. How about an analogy? Ever tried forcing in one file too many into the already packed shelf, and when all seem to have finally settled in place, the file jumps back out at us? 

If our lives are like this, perhaps we've overloaded ourselves. Sometimes we pray for an intervention, for Him to free up some time to help us turn to Him, but often when such times become available, we began filling them up with other stuffs apart from Him, and end up overloading ourselves. 

God is the God of our lives, and our lives belong to Him- our time, our effort, our attention, our all in all (not that one pathetic slot while we are about to sleep, when we are commuting between places, or when we are using the toilet). Having God in every aspect of our lives is a deliberate "living out". It's not easy, but through Him, it can be done. Then, it's all about us being submissive. 

We are told to be witnesses to the world, we are told to demonstrate His love, we are told to spread the Good News, we are told to make disciples, we are told to love, we are told to be like Him. 

Have we realized, all these are centered upon Him. 

Being the gracious Father, He gave us some space to do what we want- to build meaningful relationships, to develop our talents and interests, to strive for worldly success, to work for luxuries and comfort, to build a reputation and status.

But let us remember, He remains the Driver on the cart. When we get so distracted on accumulating "worldly commodities", to the extent that He gets pushed out of the picture, we lose our directions, and even get grounded.