Monday, June 30, 2014

It can be About Us

I don't know the statistic, but I do know that a significant portion of Jesus's teaching focuses on the topic of money- love of money, management of money, use of money, giving of money and the list goes on. Today so much emphasis has been placed on the topic of God that many Christians are perceived to be impractical. Christians feel good about the need to be "all about God" because it gives us a false sense of holiness and Godliness. To some extent, we self condemn the moment we entertain some selfish thoughts because we tell ourselves, my motive is wrong. It should have been all about Him and not me. 
I challenge that strongly because of the self-righteous frame. You know, I believe, rather consciously, that it is perfectly fine to let things be about us also. When we declare so confidently that it is always about God, it brings to remembrance one of Jesus's question to His disciples toward the end of His ministry: "can you drink from the cup that I am drinking from?"
So often we damn ourselves for being ourselves- I'm sad, but I'm a Christian, and I should be filled with joy. Oh I should repent!
It sounded like a flawed understanding of our position in this relationship. Take for example, the relationship between a parent and his child. Asked why do you want to have children, and the subsistence community conveys the message of reliance, of security. The earthly model, for a long time, put together this need for insurance. Parents have kids so that the parents would be taken care of in their old age.
Yet the heavenly model which I know about differs so starkly from this: God made men for His own glory, but He raised men and guided men for the good of their own lives. It's about the men. God remains in the picture, but by His grace, men share in that picture. By His love for us, He even sacrificed Jesus for us. "For us" makes us the purpose for what He did- ie. the story is very much about us too.
It would be foolish to then think that this thing is all about us. For it is also mentioned in the bible that we ought to deny ourselves, pick up our cross daily to follow Jesus. Clearly, it is not "for us" as well. I don't mean to confuse, but I earnestly yearn for a complete understanding of where we stand. Extreme stance has handicapped many down the generations with the former deemed to be too rigid or intolerant, and the latter too indulging. 
I dare not say I know it full well and I'm definitely right about this. What I dare say is that the God whom I know is gracious enough that His grace extends beyond the human aspect of us whom He has made us to be. I'm not running against Romans 6, in fact I'm a strong proponent of not abusing God's grace. So no, I'm not saying indulge in our sins, I'm not saying we live by our fresh, I'm not saying anything that runs against the course laid by the Word. What I'm saying is this: 1 Corinthians 8. There is a certain degree of allowance for us to live in that fullness of life, and as much as Sabbath is made for man, and not man for Sabbath (Mark 2:27), we ought to live in similar manner too. We pursue purity, we pursue holiness, we pursue love, we pursue God, and can I suggest that at the end of the day, the design is as such only because God knows that those are the good things that will benefit us at the end of the day. The purpose is us through and through~

Sunday, June 29, 2014

Spirit of Excellence


Many people look to religion as some form of spiritual support, and Christianity inevitably falls under that same category by means of associations or generalization. And inevitably, Christianity becomes relevant only to the weak, the helpless, the CMI (cannot make it) ones. For a long time, evangelistic efforts focus primarily on the dysfunctional and the unfortunate ones, and for a long time Christians from all over the world deemed it appropriate to make the following comment: only at our weakest and our most broken that we are able to see and acknowledge that God is the One who has come for us. That gave rise to seemingly self-mutilating prayers: come and break me, Lord! (I want to suggest that not all prayers that are entailed with a "Lord" are directed at God.)

Yet, as we look at history, it didn't take a "breaking" for numerous faith giants to walk in ridiculous faith. Second-generation Christians often comment that first-generation converts are more radical because they have their special conversion story to boast about, but people like Samuel, Isaac, Jacob, Joseph, Samuel, David, John the Baptist all came through a long lineage of the same faith. It doesn't take a dramatic conversion to reignite an extinguishing flame, but it takes a deep conviction and a conscious decision and desire to fan into flame even the faintest spark. We carry around with us in our mouth the notion that when bad things happen, God is the One who allows them, but can I make a humble suggestion here? If anything were to happen by God's allowance, it is the free will that He has given to us. More often than not, bad things happen really because of men's foolish decisions. It is about time that we take charge of our life and take charge of our walk. God is not a scapegoat, neither is He merely functional. He is a Partner, a Friend, a Father, and above all, a Lover. 

With that, I want us to break away from the commonly professed characteristics of how a Christian should live. Out of a good heart, many advice has been formulated, in the bid of helping Christians live "Christian lives", so examples include the professing of faith at the workplace so that we would become conscious about the bar we have set for ourselves to live up to. But I want to suggest that when things are as such, we make things difficult for ourselves, and we discount ourselves of that same fullness promised in John 10:10. 
I was reading the book of Genesis during this season, and in the past few days I had arrived at the chapters that talk about Joseph and his times in Egypt. Genesis 39:3 and Genesis 39:21 mention that the presence of the Lord's works in Joseph's life was so explicit that both Potiphor and the prison guard were able to acknowledge it and react to it. This made me reconsider: have I been trying too hard. In what areas in Joseph's life did he worry about "misrepresenting God"? Let us go to the story of Daniel. These 2 characters epitomized the notion of carrying the Spirit of excellence almost to perfection, yet we can't help but to notice the stark difference between what we are trying to do and what was recorded in the bible. Today's culture advocates the need to strive, the need to be in control, so even in our walk with God, it is still about us- we need to work hard, we need to do well, we need to try our best THEN we would be able to say that we have the Spirit of excellence, THEN when people see they will have good impression of Christians. This whole understanding of the "Spirit of excellence" created in us the pressure to perform, which often ends off with self-condemning thoughts- I'm not good enough, I am too slack. It leaves no rooms for us to take a break, and it could even help us to create excuses to justify our idolatry of work (workaholism). Daniel and Joseph relied on God, whereas we lean upon ourselves. Do I mean to not try hard? Far from it! But I certainly am saying that Genesis 40:8, Genesis 41:16, and Daniel 2:28-30, that there is a TRUE GOD who is at work, who is revealing things, who is very much present today. Ask those who have tried hard enough, and they would probably say that even the hardest is never enough- God's grace is the one that abounds, and God's intervention is what kept the Spirit of excellence. 
It is not enough to just cling on to the functional aspect of our faith and look at Him as a very functional God (entity). He is not. The moment we shift our attention away from who He is and who we are in Him, we are already missing the point. It is never about doing things right, but it is about the right kind of relationship. Out of the latter flows our every other aspect of life. Otherwise, we are cut from the source, and every attempt to do things right only result in the wrong. 

Thursday, June 19, 2014

Reality

One time I was teaching about the reality of the spiritual realm, and living each day with the constant awareness of what exactly is happening around and within us. With gusto and convictions, I was challenging my audience: if we are able to come to that point, our prayer life would be transformed, our relationships would be different, our life outlook would never be the same. All these were true, except that they were incomplete, and probably severely skewed. The core of the message was focused on having faith, being strong, trusting, optimism etc. what I was really saying is this: you will never be torn away from God as long as you believe!

Seems legit, in fact even biblical. It fits well with today's notion about being strong. Contrary to the wimp who always gets defeated and goes into hiding, being ABLE to believe gives us some sense of control that as long as I believe, I would be strong. We become the initiator, and God by default took the passive stance.  

I'm reluctant to say this, but how many professed "strong believers" stay strong after decades of impact from world's tsunami waves?  

Then I realize, it's not how strong I am, but how much I lean on Him. It takes deep humility to come to a point of realization that lest I allow myself to be held in God's love and acknowledge that heavy reliance, no matter how big my faith is does not really matter. The verse about the mustard seed-size faith being able to shift mountain has two ways to look at it. Firstly, faith is so crucial that even a tiny weeny bit of it can do so much. Secondly, faith keeps you there but faith can only do so much so you don't really need a lot of it. Faith helps you to stay there (which essentially is the most important to stay there and stay connected) and tap into the true source. It's like us pulling a truckload of supply, faith being the rope or hinge or whatever we use to connect. For a long time, we assume that that rope/hinge is what gets us the supply, but truly, the truck is what got them here. Faith is important, but the key is something else. For truly, apart from Him we can do nothing. 

2 days back, an international call from Malaysia reached my mom in the death of the night. My second Aunty had passed on. We used to be frequent visitors and enjoyed close relationships when we were much younger, but at that point, I was pretty emotionless. My mom was broken within, though she didn't quite say it. The next day she left for Malaysia by herself early in the morning, and I wasn't even aware until my sister told me about it at night. That was how nonchalant I was, and it took 2 days for me to realize that nonchalance.  

This day, while on the train, I thought about it again. If I was talking about the reality of the spiritual realm, she's still not a believer... I began to hope, somewhere between life and death, a miraculous encounter might have drawn her back. Don't get me wrong, I'm not yet sad, but I'm definitely bothered- bothered by that same nonchalance.  

Then I got reminded of the shortest verse in the bible- Jesus wept. The Man of sorrow cried over a friend who's also likely a believer at that point in time. Believers like to say that death is the passage to a better place, but how about those who have gone on to a worse place. Shouldn't we have been sadder. 
If I truly say that I'm living in the constant awareness of the reality of the spiritual realm, should not I be broken to even flip through the pages of the daily obituary? 

My conclusion: I love God, but I don't love Him enough, and I probably never will. Yet that is the right place to be, for only then would we love Him more and more each day. Reality of the spiritual realm is not an incentive to fascinate believers with the cool stuff, but it is a wake up call to help us realize the depth of God's love for us.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Knowing God; Catching His Heart

"God is Love."
                                                           ~1 John 4:8~

God is love should transcend every winnow and crack of our understanding of who He is, what He does, why He did what He did, and basically every fundamental interpretation of the bible. That knowledge should permeate through and through- not just because "only then would we do God justice", neither is it "by doing so, we would represent God rightly." Those are self-righteous thoughts to rub our ego- what's really happening at the core our view is that, God needs our justification, and some even subconsciously buy in to the idea that we are doing God a favor. That is warped, very warped. I want to suggest that it has nothing to do with service, but has everything to do with relationship. It is much more for us than it is for Him. By having the right understanding and convictions about God is essential to us preserving and growing our relationship with Him. 
Only then, would we be able to say that "we don't know why, but we know God", and only then would we be able to hang on in times of struggles and seeming desperation. When deep misfortune finds its way to us, when the hopeful future looks incredibly bleak, when every step we take feels like a mistake, when it feels like we are fighting a losing battle, when our world is crushed and our lives are turned upside down... A deep conviction in God is Love allows us to submit and trust, and to muster the courage and faith to linger a still small voice that speaks "even now, I believe that God is still in control, and that God is still good."

Reading the bible without a relationship with God renders us handicap in our walk with Him
Many place their trust in Scripture, and rightly so. But denominations, the different gospels, etc. have been an unsettled debate within the Christian communities for a very extended period of time. Looking at the subtitle, some might suspect that I'm advocating a Christian walk apart from the Scripture. Far from that! What I'm trying to say is this- Scripture is a part of our walk with God, but it's not the entire thing. You can't walk apart from the Scripture, but you can only allow it to be a part of the entire package. The entire part is this: life in the Spirit. Someone ever told me this: "Scripture without Spirit we dry up; Spirit without Scripture we blow up; Scripture and Spirit we grow up." Debates don't come to conclusion because Scripture is treated apart from the Spirit, with the typical example being made of the Pharisee. John 5:39-42 speaks of this, and even in that talks about the "love of God" (v.42). 
Read Why did Jesus Allow A Thief to Be His Treasurer for an illustration to how knowing God's heart can affect our interpretation of the bible. 
Another illustration is in the Nativity story covered in the Gospel of Luke, specifically Luke 1:18 and Luke 1:34. It always baffles me how Zacharias was deemed to have not believed while Mary was offered an explanation, when essentially both of them asked the same question "how can this be?" 
Knowing God allows me to make this assumption: Zacharias becoming mute was not necessarily a punishment, while Mary being given an explanation was not necessarily a kinder treatment. Matthew 25:15 calls for us to not compare and see one as being better than the other, but to look at what we are given and steward it well. The rest can become speculations, but this fundamental understanding should remain. 

From a position of love springs forth a desire to love
If we come out from the place being known as the guy who brings miracles, the guy who speaks good wisdom, or the guy who diligently helped out, all these are good; but I would be most glad if I come away being known as the guy who loved and bothered to make friends with us. (Matthew 7:22-23)
What do we want to be known for?


For audio version, please click here.

God bless you!

Thursday, June 12, 2014

Why did Jesus Allow a Thief to be the Treasurer

I should be asleep, but I don't want this to be forgotten, so I got to write it down.

I won't be spending too much time discussing about what other people have written before, but essentially it can be summarized into this two words: learning points. Many people say that such a turn in events allowed the many subsequent generations to learn about many things. I'm not saying that this is wrong. In fact, there indeed are many valuable pointers to note, on hindsight. The point of writing this article is this: I don't believe lessons are the sole, or even the primary purpose for Judas to have to go through such an ordeal, and a terrible ending. This contradicts the God whom I know, and such an explanation certainly tags upon Him the name of cruelty. Too much~ 
If the Word says flee from all your temptations lest it overtakes you, yet Jesus subjected Judas to the temptation of his biggest bane, does that mean Jesus set him up to fail? Imagine with me: at the end of times, Judas stands before the judgment seat, and he was being told "your life and the unfolding of it was to serve as a lesson to everyone who comes after you". How cruel is that?! 
The God whom I know loves everyone this much, that He would never have allowed things to unfold this way. Rather, I'm a lot more inclined to think that precisely because Jesus knew, yet He allowed, thus the demonstration of grace; precisely because Jesus knew, thus He tried, to pry Judas away from where he would fall (He spoke extensively on the topic of money, and Judas was definitely one of the audience who had been present). This is the love of God. All the way until the last minute, Jesus was trying, except that He also knew that Judas would not heed.
In Joseph's story, it is explicitly stated that "what others have meant for evil, God meant them for good." God never intended sufferings, and it's a very harsh sweeping statement to accuse God of allowing sufferings. If anything, God allows free will, and many of our sufferings are actually a consequence of our own foolishness. Lessons are derived from hindsight, so we can never understand lessons in terms of foresight. God planned for Judas to betray Jesus conveys the message of a scheming, trigger-happy God to sacrifice one of His precious creation to fulfill His ultimate salvation plan. Understanding it from hindsight puts things back in order. God knew he would betray, so He reversed and rode on it so that His plan can be fulfilled. All these have to do with the right heart- something beyond what our logic can offer. When the crowd saw the blind man, everyone assumed that the parents have had sinned, that was why he was born blind, but Jesus corrected them. 
Knowing the heart of God is so important to help us to understand what is happening. 

Sunday, June 1, 2014

While Waiting

"Wherever you are, be all there."
~Jim Elliot

How do we deal with delays? The most telltale sign of a misfit is when we feel like we do not belong. Imagine with me a time when your heart is everywhere except where your person is; or when the little lapses or windows of spare time in the day inevitably trigger a deep yearning to be elsewhere. 

When the answer is to wait, it can be quite difficult to handle. Everyone knows the theory about the yes, no, and wait, but it takes someone to be in a desperate position to fully comprehend the difficulty of waiting. Right now, if a door opens up, I would almost certainly charge through it. But of course, waiting, albeit the most trying, is the best litmus test to find out where we are with respect to our faith (trust) in God as our Provider and our Master. 

Yet, I want to challenge a very unhealthy notion. So far, many people have assumed the uncomfortable phase to be the phase of preparation, and that's pretty much the advice given to struggling individuals. I hate to downplay the importance of preparation, but I would rather point out and quash its overhyping. Basically not all difficult periods in our lives are preparation phase by nature. They would eventually become preparation phase because of Romans 8:28, but it takes one to come through and come out of this period. Unfortunately many don't. Why? Because many got stuck in the preparation phase. 
It becomes socially acceptable (and biblical too) today to say wait, because that is the sure way to prevent mistakes. We call it the status quo bias- it is better for us to not try and miss some things than to do something and end up wrong about it. We end up justifying our own sense of being stuck, and we try to convince ourselves that it is alright to be where we are. Recall the famous verse in Psalm: we need not fear as we walk through the valley of the shadow of death. Yes, we walk through, we don't go in and say that this is good for me, so I will stay here for a while. WE DON'T BELONG, AND WE CONTINUE TO WALK THROUGH

I want to assure all that it is alright to feel out of place, because that is precisely the right thing to feel. Remember the Israelites in Egypt, and then in the wilderness. At the initial phase, they wanted to go back to Egypt because the future looked bleak, and they remembered that back in Egypt they were not thriving but at least they were surviving. They didn't believe God's promise. But the most dangerous portion is when they were in the wilderness. They refused to go and claim the promised land, and some decided to stay behind and settle. It is not the bad and the good that will derail us, but it is the okay, because in the okay phases, many things are easy for us to compromise. 

Paul says to go amongst them and become like them, but becoming like them has to be accompanied by a maintenance of our walk with God. Cling on to the ultimate promises, and learn well what we have to learn, and get out whenever possible. Abram did not know where he was going, but he knew that he couldn't stay at where he was. Likewise, don't settle in to a place where we are not called to, but truly be like Jesus. In His 30 years of preparation, He was constantly on an upward climb- He started debating with the pharisees at 12. 

Why Missions?

I say, God won't You just be on this writing journey with me. Let this not be of my own thoughts, and as I pour out, reflect and listen, will You just speak in unique ways. Let me not try so hard, but let me gain confidence in what You've called me to do. Partner with me on this journey, not because I am great, but by faith I know that You care enough to want to do that with me and for me. Thank You for being the good Daddy!

I struggled much to articulate my response when prompted about my decisions. Somewhere within I have firm personal convictions, but getting them out has always been tough. I feel like there's some kind of need to convince others, and when that becomes the primary motivation, I feel myself trying too hard- I became very concerned about how I was being perceived, I became unsure myself, and in the end I wasn't explaining my decisions- I was trying to get affirmation...

1) Mission was what brought me to Christ (I am convinced that I got my calling to be a missionary before I came to Christ). That day, I was invited to a friend's church. Joseph Chean was the speaker and the topic was on a series of testimonies of missionaries from all over the world. Christianity had little relevance for me at that point in time, and sacrifices like those were probably illogical and not pragmatic to the atheist me back then. However, that was the trigger point that got me thinking- something within my heart clicked. My conclusions were not conclusive at all, and I began wondering, pondering, and I think I prayed wondrously and ponderously. Hindsight helped me to identify that point as the moment where my heart began to change.

2) My first mission trip revealed to me a deep yearning in the heart, a special kind of connection that could only be supernatural. It's a special kind of bondage that doesn't break with time, and neither does it end with departures. I didn't see this in any of my other friends who went on this trip with me, neither did I see this in those whom I went with on subsequent mission trips. I am not talking about getting these people to come to Christ or even the passion to share the gospel, but it was a simple desire to want to befriend them, to become a part of them, to share with them and to walk with them. It's inspired by love, and out of love everything flows.

3) At the biggest crossroads in my life where I had to decide my future career path, I went in with very little prayers. Many things crossed my mind, and I just wanted the experiences to be full (money was secondary concern because I had little to no desires of becoming rich), so I considered becoming a flight attendant, a mascot in one of the tourist's hotspots, a cabby, etc. But when the opportunity to navy opened up, I quite literally jumped at it. It was rash, and at multiple points thereafter, I regretted and frequently cried out to God- I'm sorry God, get me out from where I feel stuck so often, and won't You just hasten the arrival of that call. I probably did not have to go through this, but there's always a consequence from any kind of decision (so this was what I deserve, yet always remembering Romans 8:28). Somehow, over the years I think I've been learning, and whether it was my own wishful thinking about a missions calling, the way I perceive these lessons has always been missions-skewed. On my part, I have consciously and subconsciously considered myself a missionary-to-be or even already-a-missionary. 

4) Somewhere at the back of my mind, I think I've primed myself to pay special attention to missions-related or unrelated stuff. Even right now (I am still learning about how to surrender) very often I would actively/unintentionally look out for signs/words to confirm some of my warped convictions. One of those being Josh Mcdowell and George Mueller's stories about how they left their respective military obligations due to medical reasons, and I saw that as words for myself. It may sound ridiculous right now, but somewhere sometime back, I had the convictions that I heard until weird stares casted doubts on me, but recently both stories came back as strong reminders. I'm not casting health problems upon myself, but I'm quite desperate for what is to come. And if it comes to past, this will be one of those power moments when God use my weakness and transform it into something different. This, I don't think I'm too different from George Mueller. 

5) Coming though 4 years of missions, big and small, I think I have caught onto the hearts of missions- about how it's done, and about what it's about. Heidi Baker summarizes it well- that the gospel is about love. My personal conviction about evangelism is this: we don't love in order to preach the gospel; we love that's why we preach the gospel. I don't believe in creating reliance, but I subscribe fully to empowerment. 4 years of being involved in short term missions has exposed me to substantial challenges, but has also revealed to me the amazing grace at works amongst those people. And to me, these attractions far outweigh the so-called challenges on the grounds. 

6) Initially when I first went to Thailand, I left my heart there, and I thought Thailand is where I've been called to. I learnt Thai but subsequently for the next 3 years, my affinity with the Thai seemed to have ended, and I was perplexed. Then I got involved with my church's ministries in Indonesia, and I thought this must be it. At one point, I even thought my field is all over the world, and that's gonna include Africa, China, and even Europe. But right now where I am, I'm becoming more certain- I feel like I'm learning things from Thailand/Indonesia and bringing the good stuff over to the other, and it has been a very amazing journey for me. This narrowing down is definitely very human, but I think it has to began there. To be human, and then let the Superhuman do what is beyond and then we obey accordingly. 

7) I think I have come to a point of abandonment to be willing to live out Isaiah 6:8. That was my calling verse when I was in OCS. That night, I was doing guard duty and off shift, so I was reading a Christian book in the bunk. That night I memorized many verses, but Isaiah 6:8 jumped at me like no other, and it has stayed with me since.

8) Things are getting clearer over the years, and right now I actually do have some more concrete plans than when I first got my missionary convictions. First I would love to build a school in Khek Noi, and then I would like to expand RADION into Indonesia.