Exodus: Gods and Kings- I Find it Biblical

Perhaps Noah has already set the tone for all the subsequent renditions of the Bible's stories by Hollywood- one that would be met with a dearth of receptivity. Put up as one of the mega productions of the year; and lauded as one of the major breakthroughs for modern Christianity, news of a series of blockbuster films lined up for screening for the year of 2014 gave many reasons to be excited about. However, that kind of optimism did not last. In March when Noah first went on screen, the film was met with much criticism, forcing the director to make the declaration that Noah was probably the most unbiblical film any secular team has produced. From then on, Christian films have been looked (frowned) upon with lens of skepticism. Bible story so they say, but is it really so?

When Exodus came out, I was excited. How does a Moses played by Christian Bale sound? I wasn't expecting a perfect rendition of the famous second book of the Holy Book, but I was keen to see what this film holds nevertheless. Much like Peter Jackson's rendition of J.R.R. Tolkien's The Hobbit which injected personal insights into the exciting adventures of the veteran with and breathed new life to an otherwise complete imagined dimension/world, I was excited to see a different Exodus.

Compared to Noah, Exodus went by a lot more quietly, and I thought that was a good sign, only for the undercurrent to surface much more gradually, eventually. Details that contradicted with the depictions in the Bible called into question the credibility of such a film- where did crocodiles feature, how to reconcile a child-God, where is the staff that turns into snake, how did Moses climb up Mount Sinai, how were Moses's encounters with God, when was Moses ever swept by the waves and so on... 

Yet, Charisma Magazine said it well- the film is never meant to replace the Word; and if anything Exodus should spark off much interest to read the bible. Despite all the controversies, I actually quite like the film. In fact, I find it rather biblical. Exodus asked many difficult questions that the average Christians would otherwise have taken granted for. 

Visceral does not speak; it implies. And how we imply varies from who is implying.

This is one of the early scenes in the film whereby Moses and his brother Ramesses, who would later become the Pharaoh of the Exodus, stood before the old pharaoh as he sought divine guidance on an upcoming war. He asked the priest what the visceral says, to which she answered the visceral does not speak, but it is available for interpretation, and the that varies according to who makes it. 

Divinity apart, this reminds me of how we read the bible today. That which is acceptable and that which is tabooed; that which is Godly and that which is defiling, all but summed up nicely in the Gospel when Jesus healed on a Sabbath. To which Jesus asked a rhetorical question, "is the Sabbath made for man or man for Sabbath?" 

While the bible speaks, the freedom to interpret it has stirred up much discussion about what it actually says, sometimes bringing about an out-of-proportion need to contextualize. "The visceral is unclear, but one thing is clear." Perhaps there are some revelations that has been deliberately revealed more clearly than the other- nothing else matters when we don't have love.

Would you rather believe in prophecies and divination and forsake logic?

This is the modern day's bane. Egypt at its peak created a false sense of superiority- men began to find answers to many things, and men began to put faith in themselves. Logic, or so they called it, became the pillar for explanation. Human defined what is possible, and what is not; and explain away the impossible by twisting the established possible. It's too philosophical to go around these- but if anything, Exodus provided an obvious answer to that question: a resounding yes. 

Do you know what you sound like?

Delusional?

After Moses's (controversial) encounter with I AM, Moses awoke from a state of shock, hyperventilation, excitement, confusion or whatever state you perceive Christian Bale to be portraying. Zipporah sat by the bedside to pacify a shocked Moses and asked him that question. In an unexpected trait of clarity, Moses suggested, "delusional?" 

At this point, the audience would have sided with Moses to say that he definitely was not, but translating to the real world context, we probably have had our fair share of Zipporah coming around. Christians who are too serious about their faith, radical Christians who do the unthinkable, people (both non-believing and believing, unfortunately) come about to cast doubts upon our convictions, and deep within we are well clear about what they think of us- delusional. 

To which I say, fret not- remember and know that we are not, for God is real.

You did not meet God; God is not a child.

This is by far one of the most controversial parts in the film, and I applaud Ridley Scott's boldness in doing this. The conservatives caught this and cries of blasphemy rang through the theatre, much like how the Jews responded to Jesus's claim of being the Son of Man. By this, I'm not saying that portraying God as a child is correct. But by skillfully inserting this dialog between Moses and Zipporah into the plot, Ridley successfully created a point of discussion for its viewers, or at least for those who bothered to give a thought rather than seal its fate. 

This is also by far the point I most strongly contend for. 

Who amongst us have seen God's face except for those who have been extended the grace of God? Many of us, like Zipporah, have heard of and even read about God, and we claim to know God, but when God comes in the most unexpected of ways, we are quick to dismiss Him- "God is not a child." Well, in the film He is. 

Today we have many of our own projections- prophecies, visions, and even the times when we claim to have heard from Him. And these are quickly accepted for one reason or the other, yet a child-God has to be quickly dismissed. If God spoke through a donkey, and if God spoke through formless flames, can a child-God not be? Once again, I'm not saying that God is a child. What I am saying is like the Visceral section above- God is a personal God. To Moses in the film, I AM is indeed a child.

Why did you take me from my family?

I did not. You chose to.

This is the painful part for many who choose to follow God. Today many people ask the question- where does God call me to go- but they forget that in Isaiah 6:8, it was Isaiah who took up the responsibility personally and responded "here I am, send me". We act as if we don't have a choice, and we act as if we could only live in obedience. 

In moments of frustration, we have the tendency to push the blame to God, forgetting the initial convictions. I AM need a general, but the general may not be you; I AM asked if I care about my own people; I AM spoke. But I chose to respond because I became convicted of the purpose, I saw my role in the bigger plan, I resonated with the cause. I just needed to be reminded.

You mean You do not need me?

Perhaps I don't.

Another big area of today's Christian scene where zealous people take it upon themselves. Like Moses, we heard from God, derived our own plans and put them into execution, expecting immediate results. Presumptuous rashness says that we just need a reason or a vision (出师有名), and we will derive our own means. God, this is our plan, bless it.

This is especially so when we overhype spiritual gifting such as worship, leadership, stewardship etc. Moses had leadership, he was a skilled warrior, trained militant, proficient strategist, sharp schemer etc, and he knew it. So he stuck to his familiar ways and God came and told him, I AM waiting to see you fail. To which Moses asked the all famous question: You don't need me, do You?

Perhaps I don't.
Then what do I do now?
For now- just watch. 

What kind of God do you worship- one that murders children?

None of the Hebrews child died last night.

This is one of the hardest questions to debate. In the film, Moses himself struggled and commented, "initially I was impressed, but not anymore. If this goes on, both sides will suffer. Who are You punishing exactly?" This is one of the times Moses could not agree with God about, and I think beyond the superficiality of cruelty and inhumanity, there is great depth in all these. The blathering kid-God to portray the wrath of God was something new to me though. 

I notice that You don't agree with me all the times.

Isn't that true for all of us. We always thought we know better, even for a person like Moses. Today churches like to laud great biblical heroes for their faith, but Exodus portrayed a more mortal Moses- a human being much like the rest of us. This isn't the great wise white-bearded spiritual leader of the Hebrews; this isn't even the hyper spiritual man who sought God all the way. On the other hand, this is a man who like many of us, doubted, faulted, even tried to play God, but throughout the whole journey was continually being humbled and molded by God. The leader candidate would fall, but the stone would stay forever. In the final few scenes, we saw the intimacy between Moses and the child-God. The friend of God in the Bible was depicted in a cave setting where Moses was carving what seems like the 10 commandments. Moses said, "I wouldn't have done it if I do not agree with You." To which the child-God responded, "I notice that You don't agree with me all the times." 

Who does?

We get to choose- this way or that way.

This isn't a dialog per se. When Joshua, son of Nun, questioned Moses- where does God say we should go, Moses, convinced by his own military expertise, used God's name to direct the Israelites to the mountains. 

How often the hyper-spiritual uses God to get the quickest and easiest way out?  God says this, God says that. In the film, we also saw the grace of God when Moses finally submitted and conceded, "I am lost. I do not know where I am. I have left my family. I have let You down." Then, God made a way and rescued us. The humbling process was between him and God, and God did not let Moses lose credibility in front of His people.

From You do not wish to help me and You do not wish to help them, to do not be afraid for God is with us.

The cartoon Prince of Egypt has created a false impression that the parting of Red Sea has to be majestic, so when I first heard how gradual this entire process was, I was a little skeptical. That was until I watched this Exodus, and I thought it was very legit. 

At that point in time, the child-God was already very absent, and Moses felt abandoned. From someone who did not believe in divinity and someone who rather leave things to chances and coincidences, at this point in time, meteorological changes and environmental changes have taken a turn and become signs of the omnipresent God. Contrast with the Pharaoh's trusted scientist who persistently, trying-too-hard-ly found scientific explanations to justify all the things of God, (a position Moses himself must have been all too familiar with in his early days), we see a transformation of character. 

When Moses declared confidently, "do not be afraid, for God is with us." He's no longer the Moses of old. 

Exodus was never meant to replace the bible. When so much concerns were raised amongst the Christian community, within myself surfaces a question: how does viewing this Exodus change our perception of who this God is- details aside?

Stuck

Many went through a lousy stint in life and they lamented that they had no choice, but in actuality they had made a bad choice from the onset but was unwilling to be responsible for the consequence that entailed. I blame the company for not presenting full view the fine prints; I blame the system for "conning" the young and naive; I blame the environment for not helping me to become more informed; I blame family and friends who failed to come along to advise; I blame God for allowing what had happened to happen. Yes, that is me; and probably also many who might be feeling stuck where they are.

What do you do when you feel stuck. I have had friends who paid off their bonds and started life anew, except that given my family background, that option is entirely out of the picture for me. Furthermore, I do feel like I needed to face that consequence instead of running away from it. 

It's been a terrible 4 years, and I literally feel myself wasting away, consumed by that immense amount of pressure and grievances. Many times I felt like buckling under that weight, but so what if I really did? In my society, emotional background hardly warrants a second look of compassion or pity from any established organization. Feeling sad? Get on with work. Even the passing of a loved one would only warrant a few days of pathetic leave. So I trudged on, every week dragging the battered body across the 1730 of every Friday, then my dying body gets slightly rejuvenated. I live 2 out of the 7 days in a typical week, with the remaining 5 fulfilling responsibilities rather than genuinely living. So what- every typical piece of inspirational essay seems to have a resolution planned and weaved into the perfect moment they term the climax to draw applause- I don't. I don't have a resolution. I continue to struggle. I continue to loathe. I continue to envy the likes of Josh McDowell and George Mueller who found an escapade from their respective military obligations. I continue to wander- when and how am I going to fulfill this obligation. 

And then I could only surrender. 
I could only commit.
I could only strive to continue to not just survive, but to thrive.
I could only continue to lean.
I probably don't understand why, but I think I know God. 
So it's only a matter of years when I finally gain hindsight, then maybe I would be thankful.

So Much More

The greatest hindrance to progression is an assumption that we already know it all. Kris Vallotton once used a very apt analogy of a lost coin- no one in the right frame of mind would continue to look for the lost coin if they have already found it- how true. Therefore, it is of utmost personal importance to make an intentional commitment to assume that I do not yet know, and even when I do, assume that there is more to it than what I already have. If the aforementioned assumption is the biggest hindrance, the next on the list has to be the assumption that the current state is acceptable. Being comfortable where we are proves to be the biggest inertia for us to move forward- going beyond the Christian circle and we know the same has to be said in all walks of life - A complacent football professional may never reach his full potential if he stops working hard; a student would not perform as well as he would have if he stops at where he began. We continually build upon what we have.

Likewise, the same is true of our walk with God, our knowledge of His Word, and our perception of who God is. While the Kingdom is meant for the little children and we ought to trust with childlike faith, and while we are all children of God in broad strokes, perhaps it helps if we take some minor steps to slow down, assess, and reflect, what does it mean when the Bible made explicit mentions in the books of Isaiah, Job and Psalm about no one being capable of fathoming the understanding, greatness, mysteries and depth of God. Even those, pardon me, I think are only minor revealed aspects of God, with much more yet to be discovered.

Imagine with me the Cherubim in Revelation 4:8 and Isaiah 6:3 exclaiming “Holy, Holy, Holy” as they flew around in the presence of God for not just a day, a week, or even a year, but forever. I have to admit that this remains one of the most peculiar images that I have much difficulties grappling with, perhaps because I have never and would never encounter any object, which amazes me beyond duration of a few hours. None can fathom, indeed. Yet, one of the most common, and probably one of the most stifling approaches to address such unease in the Christian community comes in the form of smoothening out the peculiar portion of the message. Sometimes we classify them as analogies, other times we merely do away with the notion of “not literal”, yet more frequent, we give selective emphasis and leave out specific aspects of His Word. Once again, the moment we think we know, we stop exploring deeper. By having the wrong conclusion puts us into a false state of comfort, and a pseudo state of rightness. Sometimes we move on to other areas, other times we are pretty happy to stay where we are.

Over time, we get an end state of the birth of many warped theologies. That is why Matthew 7 teaches us about the importance of a sure and solid foundation. The only way to stand firm is to establish our house on solid bedrocks, but can I also suggest that this is not a dichotomy? Bedrock is supposed to be one solid piece. While sand erodes with heavy rain, how many of us are actually aware that a mixture of fine rocks and sand is the worst kind of foundation one can have simply because when the erosion takes place, the bigger pieces are left to strike against the pillars and then damaging them.

Christianity is not finding a balance such that we get the best of both worlds. In fact right through the whole collection of books, countless times has it been made clear to us that the path is narrow and few would enter. It is easy only because all we have to do is to rely on the grace given to us- that is the only way anyways. Yet it is not simple, henceforth the existence of theologies, debates, denominations etc., because…

Matthew 6:33

Matthew 6:33

"But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you."

See, this is a well-memorized verse, well-spoken, well-quoted, well-used, but when it comes to real application, how many of us can truly thump our chest and declare with confidence, that I've sought first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and as a result I have received the promises that have been added unto me. Who, in all honesty and the depth of his heart, can really really confidently say that?

Not me...

The oneness of goal should give us breather, space and room to lead wholesome life. After all, He did mention that His yoke is light. Yet, many struggle under the heavy burden of various sources- expectations to uphold the spirit of excellence, undertaking of responsibilities bigger than what we have been intended for, over-driving good works in the name of doing our best, unwillingness to surrender, failure to keep God in the midst of our plans. Many are the plans in the hearts of men, but it is His purpose that ultimately prevails. 
Kingdom of God denotes submission to His Lordship, His righteousness denotes acknowledging His standard. This is a way of life, an attitude; not a complicated, unattainable state of ideal. That is why the entailing verse speaks of our response: "Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow has it own worries."
We relinquish control, we find our reliance upon Him and Him alone- then we learn to trust, and then we grow in our intimacy with Him. 

23 October 2014:
100 Push-ups

24 October 2014:
3km rope run
5.7km jog

#helpmetohelpothers

Help Me to Help Others

Help Me to Help Others

Today kickstarts my weight loss program. 

I have been very vexed up for the past few weeks. How do you raise awareness, and even raise support for someone so invisible? Right now, I'm volunteering at Radion International, which in essence reaches out to a minority hilltribe- the Hmong people- in Khek Noi Phetchabun, Thailand. 

Needless to elaborate, few of my countrymen would have heard about this ethnic group, much less is aware of their needs, their situation, and their life struggles. 

Being rather heavily reliant on support from Singapore, that posted a huge challenge for me to surmount. How to make the Hmong people relevant? Once in a while, we could perhaps bring back a few rescue stories of the utmost intensity to spur a spike of interest or curiosity, and stir up emotional burdens, and "guilt-trip" people into wanting to do something for them- but frankly, that is not quite sustainable. 2 months down the road, people forget, and Hmong people quickly fades away into the distant memory. The same could even be said of some of who have gone on a personal trip up the mountains- returning to Singapore was a return to "reality".

So while I was exercising this morning, I suddenly had an eureka moment. If I can't draw direct relevance, surely I can do something about an indirect one. Hence, came forth this initiative: Help Me to Help Others. 

I embark on a weight loss program today, having recognized my own health problem. I'm slightly overweight at 76kg, and since 2 years back had been alarmed about my blood pressure being on the slight high side. Yet, I've been struggling to find the consistency to sustain a healthy lifestyle. So I couple the weight loss program with the fundraising, as a form of motivation and a greater cause to fight for. 

For every 1 kg shed, a committed donor will donate a dollar to the cause. That would add up to a maximum of 6SGD at the end of the year. What one loses is perhaps a cup of starbucks coffee, or a movie ticket; but what one gains is this: a healthier and perhaps more handsome friend, and of course a contribution to the much bigger cause in the form of an accommodation for the kids in the mountain. 
This way, I am a beneficiary myself, and people who care for me can take heart because if I manage to live that extra few years, it is because of your support. Also, the benefits would be mutual, because Radion becomes my motivation to do good for myself. Even if Hmong remains invisible, I become visible, and I become the representation and reminder of the Hmong people to my countrymen. 

Of course, I have many other possible pledging opportunities such as 1SGD for every 1km ran, 1 SGD for every 100 push-ups done, 1 SGD for every 500m swim etc. And of course, if anyone subscribes to the cause, he/she is also feel free to contact me at judan.koh@radion-international.org to pledge an one-off donation of sorts. 

Bring back to healthy me!

I will be providing a weekly report on my weight loss program.

Stay tune :)

22 October exercise program:

2km run

100 floors climb

150 push-ups

Missions Apart from Money

The Provider God

Until now, I have been involved in mission works of one kind or the other for almost 6 years. While it is where I feel most alive, one niggling aspect continues to perturb me. We do not have a step-by-step guide to doing missions, but there is an existing understanding of that concept, and how it is generally done. So it makes me wonder, if it is possible to do missions without money. 

Today money seems to be the driving force behind any kind of tangible movement on the fields. A fundraising for a building, a sponsorship for a kid, a donation drive for community development, and the list stretches on. Money is a tool, and God can certainly utilize such useful tools to further His wonderful works, but as of now, what is the propensity of the ministries growing apart from money. 

There is an unspoken need for tangible security perpetuating the missions scene- young men are repeatedly told to save up and be prudent in preparation for future missions. Here, take a breather and remember- where does accumulation of wealth stand? When the rich young ruler wanted to follow Jesus, the explicit command given was to give away everything. How does everything relate to saving up for the future? I say, there is no way for such to reconcile. Pastor Francis Chan preached a message about this when he was condemned for giving away the entire royalties he received from his best-selling Crazy Love. People labelled him a spendthrift, a squanderer, who was not wise in stewarding God's gifts to him. The nicer people came along and told him about saving up for emergency, to which he responded brilliantly: where we are now, in the far east, girls and children are trafficked in astonishing quantity every day, people are dying from reasons known and unknown. How does that emergency compare?

See, out of an insecurity births forth much more insecurity. Let us revisit the bible, when Peter said "silver and gold I have none, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Christ, stand up and walk." Ministry needs not be built upon financial foundation, and it should not be anyways. The only time when Jesus used money was when He got His disciples to buy the donkey for the triumphant entry. 

I say it is about time that we return to basics. Let the Provider be the provider. It is prayers where we build the Kingdom of God, because prayer is the only way to be linked to the source. Oh God, teach us Your ways. When all point toward money as the only possibility, won't You just take over and show us how. 

God of Judah (5)

The Point of Amazement

What does real faith look like? The forgetful people has a natural gift to forget- no matter how memorable or unforgettable an experience is- over time, when the pages turn yellow, when the clangs and the bangs fade away, when memories blur out, we begin the forgetting process. Read about my previous post on the ministry of remembrance here.

Real faith looks like a desire birthed out of a divine touch. For the nth time today, some speaker came up to me to tell me that they saw something in me, that God was going to use me mightily and greatly in some unknown areas. Those were nice words, lofty words in fact, and I must admit the first time I heard those, I felt like wow... really? God is gonna use me. I felt privileged, and maybe prideful, but I never really knew in what ways. 2 years back when we had a leaders' meeting, we were talking about the different callings in different people's lives, and many questions arose- one particular one went like this: why do some have great callings, while others don't, or at least perceivably seem to have less? Really? Really. 

And we began the very human way of rationalizing things, and even try to humanly justify that regardless of the size of calling, God loves everyone just the same. True, but then why, still? 

It baffled many, and it baffled me. One suggestion that got thrown in was that because I am ambitious- I had that desire. That answer didn't quite work for me, but the discussion ended there. For the next two years, we continued to flit around the topic of calling, and comments like the one above continued to come in. No one really knew why, but most of us got on with life rather comfortably without knowing why, anyway. 

Then today, amazing things happened. I had a first-hand encounter with an amazing testimony to God's redemptive works, and then I had a first-hand experience with an actual God's redemptive works. Upon reflection, I understood. The "ambitious" theory made sense, finally. It was not wrong- in fact, it has a huge degree of truth in it. I have a huge call because God knew that I am an hungry person, and I have an ambition- for Him. 

Let me explain. It started off with a question: why is it that when we hear conversion stories, somehow it always feels like Jesus likes to reveal Himself to a specific group of people? The answer: pardon me, but I really do think it is because this particular group of people have a genuine hunger for God. There. Desire. 

In the bible, it is explicitly spelt out that those who seek their life will lose it, but those who lose their lives will find it. I think this is it. It takes an attitude of abandonment. To quote the speaker's words, it takes a deep sense of awe and reverence, to come to a point of submission. That desire that has been born out of a divine touch by God, that it convinces one to give up willingly (read my previous post about sacrifices here) every other thing that might potentially obstruct this pursuit of His plan. It takes no special favor, and it takes not special gifting. It only takes a heart of full abandonment, a willingness to give up much to gain more. Jim Elliot was like that, Peter was like that, Paul was like that. For some time, people were talking about the 3 favored disciples of Jesus and about God being a God who favors specific individual, but then that is not a complete assessment. I think God knew from before time how much one is indeed willing to give up at the end of the day, such that He planned the path (calling included) with that knowledge, which is bound to come to fulfillment.

As such, we should start taking a responsibility. For a long time, people are so eager to find out their call, and some began to react to every candela of light shed into this uncertain future. People turn to prophecies and words of knowledge, and constantly seek for revelations, without really seeking within. People lose their personal responsibility in trying to figure out God's plans for them. Good Christians continually try to find out a path to take, and move in the general safe un-contradicting taken route, in hope of one day fulfilling the prophecies of old. Self-fulfilling prophecies come on scene, and when life gets tough, we began to blame God for breaking His promises. It is funny how we on one hand say that God loves us and gives us free will, and on the other hand actively seek out a manual or a step-by-step guide to live according to "God's plan". Free will means responsibility, free will means to choose, based on our relationship with and knowledge of God. 

When we learn to take that responsibility, and as we choose, we make ourselves available for God's usage. God chooses the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and here we have it. Seeming dumbness of giving up much, seeming dumbness of rashness, seeming dumbness of going against the majority- those are the trademarks of people with huge callings. Because we are dumb to the world, then we are great in the Kingdom. 

Do you see- the whole bible talks about the first shall be the last, and the last the first, and dying to self, and all those- not so that we suffer, but that we busk in His glory. Jim Elliot famously said this: He is no fool to give up that which he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose. This summarizes it all. Want a huge calling, then be ready for it. 

The God of Judah (4)

Remember

Galatians 3:4 "Did you suffer so many things in vain- if indeed it was in vain."

Some say the basis of faith is experience, some say it is the knowledge of the Word, yet some say it is the relationship with Jesus. But I say there is a position of remembrance. Remember not because we want to busk in past glories and lick our past wounds; remember only because there is value in doing so. Selah, why did Jesus command and subsequently so many churches go to the elaborate extent of creating a ritual "do this as often as you drink it, in remembrance of me". 

In the desert, the Israelites needed to remember; in his destitute, David needed to remember; prior to his execution, John the Baptist needed to remember. Remember comes from a point of deep processing- remembrance is experiences processed, knowledge internalized, convictions formed. When we remember, God reminds us to use whatever experiences we have had before as a basis to learn how to expect, what to expect, how to trust, and how to hang on. Above all, it gives us a clear view of how we have come through each episode- that is God who carried us through. I like Galatians 3:4 which asks a rhetorical question: "have you suffered so much in vain?" Essentially, it is saying this- hey, do not lose sight of your purpose! Remember why you begin, remember why you did what you do, remember your reasons, remember you convictions. Things may not seem as you might have expected them to be, but most of all, remember- I am Your God, I am promise-fulfilling, My love will never fail. Strength should arise; hope should arise.

The ministry of remembrance has received so little attention and emphasis that nowadays it has been reduced to the form of birthday celebrations and anniversaries. Nothing wrong with that, except that we lose sight of the pain and the sweat, the tears and the blood, the euphoric victories, the significance, and perhaps the spiritual significance. Strength doesn't arise, hope doesn't arise; all we have is a few hours of sing song, feel good, and maybe some blessings. People nowadays grow adverse toward the concept of sufferings as questions about why would a good God allow suffering grow in volume, so much so that we forget (fail to remember) about the victorious march through the battlefields. 

As such, conferences continually create momentary spiritual peaks, revivals don't last beyond a generation, mission trips saw people fleeting through like butterflies. Yes, there is room for explorative trips, but if we say we are committed to missions, we are dealing with lives; and we don't drop lives and pick up lives as and when we feel like it or as and when we are convenient to do so. Parenthood is not like that, and that is definitely not how we deal with God's children. 

Yet, people forget. In a society obsessed with efficiency and immediacy, we have to get on with lives very quickly. Missions that have very low visibility suffers the most because these quickly become irrelevant, and very quickly we lose connections. Once in a while, we remember our friend from afar, but in truth it feels like puppy love. We were once connected, but now we are really quite separated. Many grew cold about this because we could not sustain- the forging and ripping apart of relationships hurt a lot- and some became fearful of returning onto the fields. On the other extreme arms, superficial relationships are forged. Experienced mission-goers (NOT missionaries) give advice with good intentions, warning the team against forging deep relationships/friendships with the people. "You make them hurt, the separation won't be easy, you create a reliance…" But truly, how is a relationship ever genuinely forged if we put up barriers? That, is a clear sign of misalignment when the task of preaching the gospel overshadows the heart of loving the one. 

In Asia, it is extremely easy to forget. Competitions come alive, and every thing is practically vying for our attention. How much capacity do we really have to REMEMBER? Many trippers come to the conclusion that this is the point of returning to reality- to the everyday Singaporean life, the system that has served us so well. How sad… That our reality is as such, and we willingly but reluctantly made it so. The oxymoron is intentional because that is precisely the kind of attitude many of my generation embrace- we don't like it, but we do nothing about it. 

Controversially, I remain skeptical about how many came along to use God as a reason (excuse). It's a different season in life, God has called me else where, I sense God telling me no… While I do not want to downplay the works of the Holy Spirit in our midst, I am generally disappointed with how so many of us are so ready to come into that kind of conclusion, when more often than not such remarks were based on life situation: school has become busy, I got no time for missions; it's my final year, I can't commit; my parents are objecting, so God is closing that door for me; I have a holiday planned and it clashed so it's out. I re-emphasize- that conclusion IS legit, but that kind of readiness is not. If we say we have been touched, if we say we have been transformed, if we say we have encountered God, it baffles me badly when we could give up that supposedly very precious portion of our journey with Him. 

Really, the reason is only because we have forgotten (failed to remember). 

The God of Judah (3)

Don't Care

What does it mean to become a Christian? It takes a great deal of depth and an even greater deal of abandonment to attain that attitude of don't-care-ness. All is well, we have a lot of capacity, room and even liking for words like that because it creates momentary sense of righteousness and nobility. I don't care about what other people think, I don't care about my own needs, I don't care about my future, I don't care about my inconvenience, I don't care... ... Basically what I am trying to say is this- I am serving the Lord, don't obstruct me. Stop telling me the contrary; get thee behind me satan!
I am like that. Yet, in the bible twice, David mentioned about not wanting to give to God that which cost him nothing. If the attitude is one that did not care, how would it cost him anything? Recall yourself walking past those flag day people, how often have you dropped a coin or two into the box without ever really having the real genuine intention of helping out? Often. This is what I mean. 
In our Christian walk, all too often, we have done things to make ourselves feel better and look better- I've done my part as a Christian. The bible says both faith and deeds are important. Well, I have faith, and deeds wise... I have done those as well. 
This is about becoming a good enough Christian, and becoming great follower of Christ. See, I forbid myself to use the word Christian in the latter because that term has been so sensationized that it almost has nothing to do with following Christ anymore. Right now, it is more synonymous with homophobic, intolerance, hypocrites, self-righteous, pushy people, schemer, doomsday preacher, ugly double-standards than anything else- NONE of which was a characteristic exhibited by Christ when He walked the earth. 
We lose much when we try to hit the minimum, because then, we think we are doing God some favor of sort. Someone used the analogy of iPhone to illustrate this. The evangelism tactic today looks like this: a new iPhone has been released and it is for me to sell it to you. First I try to convince you that it is good. Then I try to convince you the price is good. Then when you refuse to budge, I lower the price. Still you refuse to relent, so I give it to you for free. Yet, in the scripture, Psalm 19 explicitly spells out the desirability of the things of God. Yes, salvation is by grace, and yes because of that salvation is freely given. But it is of ultimate insult to look upon salvation the same way we view the giveaways in the mall. That way, we cheapen the saving grace. By right, people should be queueing up and anticipating eagerly for this thing that is so good. This goodness... our lives would have to show. 
Not caring is not the way to go. In the Greek mythology, there is this story about the Siren's song. Siren is a part bird, part woman creature who resided amongst the rocks on the coast, and she would sing a song which entices the Greek soldiers to sail toward her when they set off for excursion. Before they knew it, the ship probably would have ran aground or collided with the rocks. Distractions in life are real, and not caring does not remove them. At best it's an ostrich's way of coping- I don't see it, so it's not there. We never realize when we veer off track, and we never realize how far we would have gone, and worst of all, we would not even realize the kind of danger we have gotten ourselves into. Destruction is at hand. 
Interpret David's resolution about not giving God something which cost him nothing, this is exactly it. It is about discovering something more valuable, to an extent that we begin to acknowledge- money is important, security is crucial, family, friends are all precious, but God ranks above them all. Those who does not hate his father and mother cannot be my disciple. It is not about sacrificing; it is about gaining something better. Abraham knew this when he chose to sacrifice Isaac who was the fulfillment of a 30-years old promise from God. Isaac meant the world, but God was the universe to Abraham.
Why do we harp on this so much? Isn't it better that we do not care- God's works would be able to proceed without hindrance and go on full steam.But then we would die, the ministry would die, the works would die, and the people would die. A ministry that is built apart from the lives are not connected to the source of life- ie. it will not live. It is based on feeling good, based on achievement, built on emptiness, and relied on human strength. However, a sense of abandonment despite caring would yield abundant fruits. Because it looks beyond what happens around us, it looks beyond what happens to us, but it looks at what happens within us- we are touched by God and we are transformed. Only then would an act of sacrifice make sense, and only then is an act of sacrifice possible. 

The God of Judah (2)

Die! Give me some space. That is definitely not my standpoint. 

Today I am where I am because of a divine work that has began in me. People came around to ask about the realness of my faith. "Is a girl involved?" "Do you have time for yourself?" These were some words I frequently get in the kind of environment that I stay and work in. There simply isn't enough people who are serious about their faith. The regular church-goers were probably too busy trying to design the next best soul-winning strategy or the next most hipster evangelistic event, so much so that we gradually lose touch with "reaching the one". It's a very foreign concept to most, despite the irony fame of the quote from one of world's leading lover, Mother Teresa. 

I'm not saying that I have gotten it altogether, and I'm probably being very self-righteous and judgmental by saying all that I have mentioned. That is the problem today- we create a sphere of false inclusion and exclusion and render many hard but essential truths, taboos to be avoided at all cost. So much so that even a genuine raising of concern has little room for accommodation. People simply refuse to listen, people simply refuse to reflect, people simply refuse to think, people simply DO NOT want to change (myself included). 

"Myself included" is the other problem. Too often people come around in eternal wrath to rain down fiery condemnation, and conclude their remarks with "myself included". Self-condemnation does not create any acceptable kind of grounds for mass-condemnation. Die! Give me some space. That is definitely not my standpoint. 

We live in a world of extremities. On the one hand we have many casualties limping from hurts and licking their wounds since eons before, on the other we have die-hard daredevil exploring every new possibilities with little to no regards for calculation of risk. By no means are these easy hurdles to overcome, and I say my piece for having gone through my fair share of these bitter things. Yet, it is precisely this kind of difficult situation which leaves us to have only God to look to and lean on. 
When we talk about letting go, when we talk about putting down our baggages, when we talk about moving forth in faith, this is precisely what we are talking about- to become serious about our faith. Only by taking our faith seriously, then are we willing to make changes, then are we willing to leave our comfort zone, then are we capable of embracing a cause much bigger than ourselves. Serious doesn't mean no fun, but it definitely means that our faith should receive the kind of attention/priority true faith warrants. 
Through history, we have a few spiritual giants who went out in full faith, and rocked the world with a hard conviction built upon solid faith- Martin Luther King was like that, Mother Teresa was like that, Jim Elliot was like that. But it doesn't have to be that few giants, because looking at what these people have done ought not to distract us from recognizing the One through whom they had been empowered. The same power that raised Jesus from the dead is at works amongst us, and that should be enough encouragement for us to practice radical love. Imagine with me, a city of Martin Luther, a country of Mother Teresa, and a whole world of little Jesus. Follow me as I follow Christ- isn't that a logical extrapolation, 2000 years on, the multiplication of Christ ought to have taken a huge leap forward, already.
Yet, today the challenge goes beyond people not hearing the Good news. Many heard and rejected, because of misrepresentation, because of lies and deceptions, because of apprehension, because of competition from false idols (pursuits), because of self-absorption, because of perceived wisdom in rationalization, because of self-satisfaction...

The God of Judah

Where I am now speaks of a divine work in progress, not because my life boasts of immense success, but because of a grace-filled venture to keep trying after every failure.
I have just come through a really tough patch in life- maybe 3 months, maybe 30 months, maybe 3 years. The exact duration I have already lost count. In fact, I don't even know where it began. At one point, I felt like I was someone else living in this body- I did not recognize who I was. What I used to like I do not like anymore, what I did not like I began to find a liking. This process- we term it growing up. To give it a parental vibe, it usually sounds like an age-old-nanny's nag: this is for your own good, so grow to like it; french fries and ice cream will kill you. And then to give it a Christian vibe, it's essentially what Paul says in Romans 7. All of which began with an awareness, then a desire, then a behavioral change. 
The problem arises when the desire isn't firm, or when the awareness gets competition. Notice that behavioral change is a result of the former 2, but of course one can always attribute it to how difficult a behavioral change is. And the gist of it all, I've been trying too hard, relying on my own strength. As a result, I swung to and fro, making little progresses which always got outdone by an even greater regress. I was sick, I was tired. Interspersed with facades of euphoric high did little to alleviate such hopelessness and helplessness. You know the secular saying- the greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment. Those few moments of momentary victory only rendered the subsequent fall harder and much much more painful. For however long, I dragged this battered body across many temporal milestones. I have been changed, but not just in the good ways. Recent listening to Francis Chan revealed to me a stifled heart- I have become fearful, scared, apprehensive. The initial rashness, the initial passion, the initial fire had been quashed. Times after times, I have got an idea or two about doing something, someone would come along to offer a kind word of advice (with good intentions of course), most of which sounded like "you gotta count your cost", "you should not rush into actions", "you should consider more carefully", "you should be more patient about it", "maybe it's later", "you are moving too fast, wait for the rest", "you might get burn out", and the comments lingered on. Half of them sounded like explicit dissuasion, the other half sounded like warning, or even threat. Implicitly, this is what I heard, "fit in, don't be an extra. Your style of doing things is too different, and people will not like you. You know your heart is good, but really we don't feel comfortable with you trying to drive us around." I relented, or so maybe I thought I did. 
Reality played a prank on me. In actual fact, I didn't. The dilemma of situation created in me a double personality- and I snapped in and out of the two selves much more rapid than I would have liked. It was a bad struggle, and to top it off, I was actually aware of this entire switching of personalities. It is not like those you see in the films where one has no conscious awareness of the existence of the other. Perhaps I might have abused the actual definition of duo-self, but it definitely feels apt to describe that as such. 
For those who have gotten used to the ambitious adventurous me, my current self has been perceived as a persistent source of negative energy. Once in a while, people would start coming up to me to offer a kind word of encouragement such as "God has a good plan for you", or a "He wants you to know that He loves you" kind of motherhood statement. Somehow, I felt more terrible and everything else except being uplifted. I had a lot of bitterness, and even pride, and at the back of my mind were many voices. "They think they know better", "what a joke to say these"- those were the words which echoed in my head all the time. I felt deep, and I felt like no one really knew what I was going through, or rather, no one really knew me for that matter, but I missed a point: I was losing myself, and I did not know myself either.
Yet despite all these, God's Word stood firm. Matthew 10:30 encapsulates the depth of His knowledge of who I am, and that knowledge was a demonstration of how much He cared for me. And because of that, a rescue mission was initiated.
Many people concluded their salvation story at the point of conversion/receiving Jesus as their Lord and Savior, but for many others who have travelled the road, we would probably have realized that instead of a conclusion, it is really only an introduction. "Only" not because I downplay the significance of such a milestone. Far from it! I celebrate my baptism with fervor, and I even shaved my head as a symbolical gesture to mark a new beginning. Conversion is BIG! "Only" because a Christian life has so much more to offer- I cannot guarantee enjoyable, but I can guarantee good. A good introduction sets the stage for a great story, and mine unfolded almost 6 years back, and I'm still living through the greatest adventure life has to offer. As I am about to come through a significant chapter, it brings me huge jog and pleasure to recount such an experience, of which God has to be the centre of it all.

To be continued...

This is what I want for my life~

I don't speak well, my thoughts don't process as quickly. As I continue to age, the amount of self-awareness raises, and gradually I came to realize more and more that I have not been as infallible as I have always thought myself to be. At the back of my mind somewhere, I continue to marvel at some of my self-lauded illusions- I call myself the ironman of the spiritual realm.
At the core of my being, I have genuine struggles. Disappointment with myself, and a severe lack of resolution to keep on with what I've set out to do. On top of that is an increasing tendency to be drawn into solitude. The point of saying all these? I'm just being human, an ordinary one. Amongst Christians we have our own lingo and terms like "God told me this or that", "I've been called", "serve in the ministry", "take up cross" etc. But really, truly, I'm slightly delusional. I'm just a Christian human, and precisely because that is exactly what I am, I constantly call out in desperation: I am weak thereby I am strong. 
Today I heard a message given by Pastor Buddy Owens, and he made this analogy which I really like about salt and light. The gist of his message says that we salt the world by words, and we light the world by our deed. ie. We cannot fight darkness by merely speaking, talking and discussing. This was so in line with what I've been reading these days. James 2 jumps out at me strongly- faith without deed is dead, and it strikes me at my core. Isn't this the reason, the driving motivation for me to do what I've been doing?
At the same time, I've been asked some peculiar questions which got me thinking. Apparently spending weekends doing "church stuffs" don't quite sit well with other people. Somehow community service ought to sit comfortably into some designated slot- it should only be done once in a while, like you know when the school calls for CIP of sorts? If it eats into the "free time", then you end up not having time for yourself. I gave it some serious thoughts- do I really not have enough time for myself, and to quote his words fully, do I not have time for my other life pursuits such as having a girlfriend? (All these were part of a friendly exchange, and I'm super appreciative that people even bothered. I just got taken aback by the same shock that I wasn't expecting). 
I gave it some serious thoughts- I really did. 
To begin, I began thinking- what would I be doing if church got taken out of the picture. I recalled the times before I started attending church/serving in church. (*shake head tremendously).
Actually, I'm rather thankful, for the following reasons.
1. Being involved in church doesn't make you into some sort of a bible freak who only does bible study, and do the Christian stuff. To me Christian is an adjective- so being Christian doesn't elevate me into some sort of divinity. Instead I'm a Christian human, who still pretty much get on with life, except that now I have a hope and a faith that surpasses anything I've ever had, or will ever have. My typical weekend serving in church involves going out with individuals for a lunch or something, followed by BFA where I really went there to play floorball for a good workout. Really, the Christian label does not take away anything from what I do.
2. This is where our perspective of ministry comes into play. If ministry is about service, all the concerns about not having enough time for myself would kick into play, and make strong cases against me. But if ministry is birthed out of relationship-building and love, allow me to ask a question: which father/mother takes time away from their kids? Likewise, this "personal time" includes the presence of those kids. They are a part of it. Of course, there are times for me-time as well... 
3. The sense of privilege derived from being able to be involved in some of the biggest decisions/struggles of an individual is the kind of trust we don't find in superficial friendships. Being allowed into the depth of the heart, and then walking alongside each other- in serving, we grow as well. 

There are many more reasons, but those 3 stood out the most. And I'm able to conclude- that so-called other objectives in life. I wanna make a difference in people's lives, and I don't mind not being rich. If I am able to be a part of a greater project which has every potential to improve the community and the lives of people, I'd gladly want to come onboard! 

It's the Thought that Counts, or is it really so?

Thoughts do not and never will justify inaction
For a sufficiently long period, I kept telling myself that I wanted to go for a jog, but life got busy, things got squeezed out from the to-do list, and running, unfortunately, was one of those. I had that thought, but what good is a thought if it never translates into action. My fitness never improved, intended weight-loss never took place, the excess fats continued to linger, and the run continued to be a thought. Well, at least I thought... James 2:14-26 dedicated a substantial portion of the book to talk about faith being dead if it's not being accompanied by works, or rather faith is considered dead if it does not result in works. 
Good thoughts do not exempt us from taking responsibility for our bad actions
Have we ever had a birthday celebration or an unfulfilled favor whereby what was intended for some reason did not come to past? Recall that time when a surprise was spoilt, or when a birthday gift turned bad. And what was the most common response? Don't worry, it's the thoughts that count. No doubt there are rooms for such, and these are all appropriate occasions for a well-meaning mistake of sort. Why so serious? But things get annoying when "it's the thoughts that count" take on a whole new meaning- in our relationships, in our ministries, or even in our walk with God. 
I learnt it the halfway. In communication, more often than not, it is not what is spoken but what is heard, much less what is intended. It takes one to go beyond self to acknowledge the implication each of the actions that we have taken. The thoughts are the a good place to begin, but it takes efforts and even submission to hone the remaining of the skills. In our walk with God, many people had good thoughts. When the 3 people who counted their cost when called to follow Jesus, all of them had reasonably good thoughts, but they could not follow up with their actions. 
Other times, we say we need to look at the heart of the person. On other occasions, we even called for people to seek the heart of God. Once again, in hearts birth thoughts, and with thoughts cause actions. What then is genuinely the heart of God? It certainly does not stop at just having the right intentions.

Indecisiveness, the bane of our failing faith.

Luke 9:61 portrays an image of a willing follower. Kyle Idleman did a thorough analysis on the cost of following Jesus in his book, Not a Fan. The context is as such: in the ancient Jewish culture, a typical farewell "party" usually lasts for many days.
For a long time, following Jesus seemed rather sinister when we were not even allowed to bid a farewell with our loved ones. So what if it's a few days of partying?Surely I deserve a little getaway, I mean, hey come on, I'm sacrificing the rest of my life to follow Jesus. It's a noble thing you know... Moreover, what is a few days with eternity as the backdrop... Surely Jesus would understand...
But to the surprise of many unsuspecting "christians", Jesus's reply was this, "No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." He said that by doing that I'm not fit for the kingdom of God.

So what went wrong here?
My thoughts:
Everything went wrong the moment we start thinking we are doing God a huge favor by following Him. It is a very natural and almost spontaneous sentiment, especially when we look back into history and witness the noble acts of people like Mother Teresa. It calls for a deep sense of honor, really. But when the cause becomes bigger than God, we begin to forget that He is the One who calls, and He is the One who enables. We look at our own sacrifices and we attribute it to our strength, generosity, and even wisdom. Basically, the warped notion of nobility overcasted the fundamental fact that we only share in God's glory. It has to do with motivation- true nobility is lauded upon one in recognition of genuine acts of love and noble acts; while a mindless pursuit of nobility only yields at best, temporal gratification and a superficial facade. And that is not fit for the kingdom of God.

Following Christ is a damn serious decision to make. It goes beyond feeling good, it goes beyond enjoying lives, it goes beyond being successful in the world's standard, it even goes beyond having perfect relationships.

Only by establishing that bottomline can we truly be sure that when we stop feeling good, when sufferings replace comfort, when everything seems to go against us, and everyone starts leaving our sides, we will continue to stand firm and declare boldly that I don't know why, but I know Jesus, and that is enough. While it is true that God desires us for His own, I believe in my core that it is for our own good that He calls us to follow Him. Yes, I believe in that.

Too many times in the past 1 month have I heard about how Christians stopped being christians because too much shit happened in "church", amongst "christian" friends, or just in our "christian" lives.
Know what? I am going through shit now, but I'm going digging in my boots. I'm standing firm. I'm gonna continue to declare my faith. Because that is the decision I have made, and the bottomline I have drawn. God has been that real to me that right now where I am, as uncomfortable as things may get, I have decided that the only way for me is to grab on more tightly. The heavier the storm, the closer I'm gonna lean.

Because at the end of the day, what really matters is this: I have decided to follow Jesus.

My friends out there, wherever you are right now, far or near, broken or full, happy or sad, disappointed or hopeful, I ask of all of us to reflect upon our walk with Christ. Give God a chance, give ourselves a chance.

God bless you!