It's the Thought that Counts, or is it really so?

Thoughts do not and never will justify inaction
For a sufficiently long period, I kept telling myself that I wanted to go for a jog, but life got busy, things got squeezed out from the to-do list, and running, unfortunately, was one of those. I had that thought, but what good is a thought if it never translates into action. My fitness never improved, intended weight-loss never took place, the excess fats continued to linger, and the run continued to be a thought. Well, at least I thought... James 2:14-26 dedicated a substantial portion of the book to talk about faith being dead if it's not being accompanied by works, or rather faith is considered dead if it does not result in works. 
Good thoughts do not exempt us from taking responsibility for our bad actions
Have we ever had a birthday celebration or an unfulfilled favor whereby what was intended for some reason did not come to past? Recall that time when a surprise was spoilt, or when a birthday gift turned bad. And what was the most common response? Don't worry, it's the thoughts that count. No doubt there are rooms for such, and these are all appropriate occasions for a well-meaning mistake of sort. Why so serious? But things get annoying when "it's the thoughts that count" take on a whole new meaning- in our relationships, in our ministries, or even in our walk with God. 
I learnt it the halfway. In communication, more often than not, it is not what is spoken but what is heard, much less what is intended. It takes one to go beyond self to acknowledge the implication each of the actions that we have taken. The thoughts are the a good place to begin, but it takes efforts and even submission to hone the remaining of the skills. In our walk with God, many people had good thoughts. When the 3 people who counted their cost when called to follow Jesus, all of them had reasonably good thoughts, but they could not follow up with their actions. 
Other times, we say we need to look at the heart of the person. On other occasions, we even called for people to seek the heart of God. Once again, in hearts birth thoughts, and with thoughts cause actions. What then is genuinely the heart of God? It certainly does not stop at just having the right intentions.

Indecisiveness, the bane of our failing faith.

Luke 9:61 portrays an image of a willing follower. Kyle Idleman did a thorough analysis on the cost of following Jesus in his book, Not a Fan. The context is as such: in the ancient Jewish culture, a typical farewell "party" usually lasts for many days.
For a long time, following Jesus seemed rather sinister when we were not even allowed to bid a farewell with our loved ones. So what if it's a few days of partying?Surely I deserve a little getaway, I mean, hey come on, I'm sacrificing the rest of my life to follow Jesus. It's a noble thing you know... Moreover, what is a few days with eternity as the backdrop... Surely Jesus would understand...
But to the surprise of many unsuspecting "christians", Jesus's reply was this, "No one, after putting his hand to the plow and looking back, is fit for the kingdom of God." He said that by doing that I'm not fit for the kingdom of God.

So what went wrong here?
My thoughts:
Everything went wrong the moment we start thinking we are doing God a huge favor by following Him. It is a very natural and almost spontaneous sentiment, especially when we look back into history and witness the noble acts of people like Mother Teresa. It calls for a deep sense of honor, really. But when the cause becomes bigger than God, we begin to forget that He is the One who calls, and He is the One who enables. We look at our own sacrifices and we attribute it to our strength, generosity, and even wisdom. Basically, the warped notion of nobility overcasted the fundamental fact that we only share in God's glory. It has to do with motivation- true nobility is lauded upon one in recognition of genuine acts of love and noble acts; while a mindless pursuit of nobility only yields at best, temporal gratification and a superficial facade. And that is not fit for the kingdom of God.

Following Christ is a damn serious decision to make. It goes beyond feeling good, it goes beyond enjoying lives, it goes beyond being successful in the world's standard, it even goes beyond having perfect relationships.

Only by establishing that bottomline can we truly be sure that when we stop feeling good, when sufferings replace comfort, when everything seems to go against us, and everyone starts leaving our sides, we will continue to stand firm and declare boldly that I don't know why, but I know Jesus, and that is enough. While it is true that God desires us for His own, I believe in my core that it is for our own good that He calls us to follow Him. Yes, I believe in that.

Too many times in the past 1 month have I heard about how Christians stopped being christians because too much shit happened in "church", amongst "christian" friends, or just in our "christian" lives.
Know what? I am going through shit now, but I'm going digging in my boots. I'm standing firm. I'm gonna continue to declare my faith. Because that is the decision I have made, and the bottomline I have drawn. God has been that real to me that right now where I am, as uncomfortable as things may get, I have decided that the only way for me is to grab on more tightly. The heavier the storm, the closer I'm gonna lean.

Because at the end of the day, what really matters is this: I have decided to follow Jesus.

My friends out there, wherever you are right now, far or near, broken or full, happy or sad, disappointed or hopeful, I ask of all of us to reflect upon our walk with Christ. Give God a chance, give ourselves a chance.

God bless you!

Daddy (mommy), did you know?

Parenting

If communication is supposed to be two-way, and communication is supposed to be the basis of all relationships, it always baffles me why we always talk about them as if they are one-sided. Here, I am talking about parenting. For the longest time (as far as I can recall), parenting talks, seminaries, workshops of sorts always provide advice based on scientific research, psychological discoveries, and successful parenting. I have no qualms with those and I applaud the efforts to enhance family life, but what about the other end of the relationship. Specifically I am referring to the child(ren).

It is one thing to assume maturity and hence become the initiator in bettering things; it is another to assume arrogance and disregard the receiving end of such initiation, especially so in a special relationship between the parents and the children.

Therefore, it has always been on my mind to let parents hear our voices. Parents should never need to go through the confused state of becoming unfamiliar with their kids. Even once is one time too many for a parent to come away wondering where has the mommy’s boy of yesterday gone to. Children don’t change overnight- we drift, we distance, we cut off, and then we become irrelevant, or rather we make ourselves irrelevant.

Before I go further, I want to reiterate what I used to tell me nephew who is 7 years my junior. He’s the eldest in his family, and he felt a lot of injustice and angst toward perceived biasness when it comes to the treatment differences his younger brother and himself received from their parents. My advice to him, “remember, you want to be a good son, and you are learning to be a good son. Give your parents the benefit of doubt and show them grace: they too are learning how to be good parents, because you are their firstborn, and they probably had no one to teach them the 101 to good parenting. This is mutual learning, so work together.”

Asian parents in general have the tendency to make assumptions, big assumptions, about their own superiority. So much so that the aforementioned basic truth is often neglected. We take the golden rule from our own childhood, from the society, from our friends and make them into standard molds. Over time, theses standards become the matter-of-course, and we stop remembering that we too are still learning. Worse still, we start ruling out the possibility that we might be wrong- that we might not have known better.

Father and mother, the child in me continually cries out for the smoothening of relationships, and I believe that each generation should come out and be vocal about our thoughts. Today I come out to speak on behalf of my generation of sons and daughters, and ten years later, someone else should do likewise, all the time.

1. Father and mother, if each of us is represented by a circle, we children used to be a subset of your bigger circles, but as we grow up, our circles expand, and at one point in time, we are no longer subsets. Some parts of our circle go beyond your circles, and we become overlapping circles. You guys will have to acknowledge at some point that you will stop having control over the area that has ventured beyond. Point being, fathers and mothers, you need to learn how to let go. In a family where we are comfortable, we like to feel empowered, and it has to start from a young age. By empowering our children, we are subtly conveying a trust message to them. Implicitly, we are really telling them and reinforcing in them that we believe in them. Such empowerment can come in the form of getting the children involved in making decisions in the family such as where to go for a family trip, what to have for dinner etc. Letting a child have a say builds ownership, letting him feel heard builds confidence. Coupled with explanation and guidance, we teach our children how to make responsible decisions and how to deal with rejections. In their teenage, this is going to be an invaluable skill set.

2. Our focus shifts as we reach a certain age. By letting go, I do not mean neglecting us. A huge portion of delinquent became so only because we find replacement for attention, love, belonging, all of which we feel like we do not receive at home. Acknowledge our presence, encourage us, and praise us if occasion calls for it.  No matter how busy parents are, surely time has to be made for family.

3. Establish common topic, things of interest etc. Many peers within my social circle have an unspoken unanimous admiration for families whose parents are like friends. When we were young, we needed guidance, but teenage is the time when we are catching up. We no longer long for someone ahead, but someone beside. This is the age of opportunities, of possibilities, of adventure, and a big part of this adventure is exploration. Give us the space to write our stories, you may share in them, but if you try to dictate them, we might just eradicate you completely from the picture.

4. Worries are not the best excuse for overstretching us. I think what most of the parents have done for their kids is for their betterment and for their own good, but I must also say that many times the forms through which such concern/care/love are expressed can be quite daunting. Therefore, never let societal pressure be the motivation for any kind of actions. Yes, we continue to try to encourage our children to work hard, but we also demonstrate our faith in Christ and His teachings by not letting the worries of the world have a grip upon us. Life in school is tough already; cut us some slack at home.

5. Finally, deal with our own hurts. I can share my own testimony about this. Essentially, we are saying that it takes one to make a conscious decision to snap out from bondages and chains of our past hurts, especially those which we might have been subjected to in our own childhood from our parents. Hurt parents hurt their children, hurt children grow up to become hurt parents, whom in turn hurt their children. This forms a vicious cycle, a generational curse, and we really don’t have to be stuck in it. We might have had bad experiences with our father or mother, and more often than not, in not wanting to become like them, we inevitably take on their mantle and shadow and mirror their style of parenting. I reject that pattern, and pray for all of us to be free.

Just keep trying: in seeing you trying, we gain strength and hope trying on our part.

Complaint

Because I will be away for a short while, because I do not want to take tomorrow for a matter-of-course and rule out the possibility that I might not return, I am going to write. 

Right now, I am in a state of huge displeasure and deep dissatisfaction. I used to look forward to going to church, but now I dreaded stepping into the fellowship. Somewhere within a voice cries out "hypocrites"! My eyes couldn't look beyond the disgust. I recognize the personal angst involved, I even recognize the ungodly bitterness that is consuming me from within, yet I am unwilling... Some degree of hurt, on top of that a huge sense of injustice. I reject self-victimization, but in this case I cannot help but to look upon myself as one of those...

Today, he came and he spoke. I was becoming skeptical, even of him. But as convicting as he was some 5 years ago, his message today rang a bell, again. It is my prayer that the whole community heard it not just with our ears nor minds, but with our hearts. 

It is situation like this that spurs one into desperation. Never in my life have I felt as helpless and clueless; never in my life have I asked so many "whys" and "hows". Yet, the same strain of light within is what kept me here, still standing. I might be complaining a lot, and might even seem ungrateful, but hey I am still standing. Surely, that took quite a bit off me already. 

My prayer is this:

1. For my church to come to a point of missions-mindedness that prompts us to look beyond what we have/are.

2. For my church to, as one family, give out of the little we have (wealth and money).

3. For my church to come into the supreme awareness of what our God is doing in our midst, and in the world.

4. For my church to walk in such synchronization with God that we don't just seek to do His will, but we take care of His possessions, and pray for His people as well. When Iraq is at war, when people are suffering, help us to be serious and broken for His people.

5. For my peers to breakout from spiritual comfort zone, and move into a deeper and more intimate understanding of God and His works.

6. For my leaders to heed God's prompting and move only where He wants us to move.

7. For the culture in my church to be righted to encourage healthy confrontations and rapid spiritual growth. 

8. For a revival of faith and relationship like Nineveh's such that even after many generations, we continue to live through the convictions.

9. For Godly men to step up and become role models for the younger men, and leaders to the church.

10. For genuine humility, reliance, and obedience to God. 

I feel a drastic misfit, but I will stick by. When I'm at my wits, it's Your turn to show Your might.  

Boom

1 day on from a major milestone in our nation's history, a phenomenal effort that spent big bucks and thousands of man hours in preparation, the age-old national day songs of the 90s continue to linger in the air. Streets continue to be littered with patches of red and white, and the national flags continue to fly high, and proudly, in the housing estates. This is our 49th birthday. Having come thus far, being a fortunate generation to witness the fruits of our forefathers' sweat and blood, the whole nation shouts patriotism. The unfamiliar tunes of loyalty ring in our ears as all the bad presses from the past 1 year suddenly got swept beneath the carpet, overnight...

As the clock struck 9, and the day's programs builds up to the grand finale, streams of magnificent lights shot up into the sky. They defied gravity, they even defied norm- in a momentary instant, the famed Singapore skyline glared brilliantly, revealing the prosperity of the nation. Roaring businesses, established names, first-class infrastructures, luxurious designs, all these point toward a roaring success Singapore has achieved as a nation. Boom... boom... boom... boom... Red and blue stars added a shade of artificial beauty into the backdrop, yet at the same time hinted at an ambitious, and perhaps arrogant, intent to paint nature's portrait however we wanted it. 

Boom... boom... boom... boom... The same night, at about the same time, somewhere further west on the longitude, the synchronized ignition of explosives was about as far as the similarity stretched. Here in Iraq, what we hear about is the committing of daily atrocities- beheading of civilians, massacres of children, raping of women, enslaving of teenagers, starving of the old, running over of cities. Howls of destitute bellow through the otherwise dead night, both in metaphorical and literal sense. Isolation meant that help was either not forthcoming or has been denied. A huge part of the world continued to ponder, to think, to consider, and to even weigh. Recent war memories rendered even the big brother apprehensive about coming to the rescue of the Iraqi people. "The United States cannot and should not intervene every time there's a crisis in the world" about summed up the stance. A partial authorized air strike did little to bolster Iraqi and Kurdish forces when both stood helpless in withstanding against the Islamic State (ISIS) militant group when cities were being overrun (article). Today at this moment, even as I am writing this, thousands continue to live in fears. Genocide! One of the Iraqi MPs cried out in plea for intervention from the Parliament. This is a desperate situation. This is not just a religious war, the kind of hatred is unfounded. One video captured the decapitation of a Christian man- he was made to renounce his faith. He did. His executor spared him from the bullets and he explained that this is an act of mercy. Then he ordered for him to be beheaded, nevertheless. 

Hundreds of videos have been circulated since, and thousands of articles have been spread. Social media played a big part, with some changing their profile picture to the hebrew letter "N", which has been used as a symbol by the ISIS to identify the Nazarenes, more commonly known as the Christians, for persecution. This was an initiative started by the English church as an expression of solidarity, and it pretty much hinted at the helplessness of the general public. What can we do, like seriously; how can we contribute in tangible ways in light of all these atrocities. As the author put it in his article, "the trouble of standing in solidarity however, is that when it's done from being a laptop screen in a cosy branch of Costa Coffee, it achieves pretty much nothing."

In this side of the world, we celebrate our home, but that is their home too. Wilberforce famously said this, "you may choose to look the other way but you can never say again that you did not know", while Edmund Burke also challenged that "the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Brothers and sisters, let us remember, let us stand together, let us rise up. My friends and I are going to be fasting and praying to intercede for their deliverance. Do join us in hearts, souls and minds. 

  我叫忠伟，新加坡华裔，没有专长。普通邻家男孩。今年二十有三，无数次搞叛逆，无数次搞得半桶水。我不突出，尝试博出位也没有成功过。唯有心中的一丁点儿微光让我能够撑下去。好不容易。。。 实际上其实很痛苦。
  那丁点儿微光来自一个信仰。六年前的一次抢救行动令我重获新生。主的恩典替我洗涤，可是六年却没有因为恩典的记号而变得比较通顺。因为一次的觉醒而发现自己的格格不入，恩典时而感觉变成了负担。一心的想逃，一心的想要离开，除了在主里面同一的那道光，我别无期盼。
  好累，我真的好累。生命的许多不悦形成了一堵叠着一堵的墙。前途本平坦易走，如今却像是田径赛跑一样－－ 每跳过一关，阻力便顺势添加。
  我实不想继续。只要让我找到漏洞或缺口，我保证定在瞬间消失。。。
  然而，希望不仅在于片面之谈。现实常常事与愿违。单面且一厢情愿的执着换来的最终只是一张张无奈而挣扎的苦颜。所谓 “神的用意” 令我不禁愤怒。。。
  我们把希望全权投入数年后的转首回顾，但如果我们真心实在地盼着，信着，把持着， 所谓 “用意” 何在？那还重要吗？
  心理学拟为 “justification”。含义在于世人都不喜欢吃亏，尤其是大亏。所以若我们别无选择，非吃亏不可，潜意识中我们心里是会自行启动，为这样的一个结找出个解法。这样的适应帮助一代接着一代度过了许多的难关－－ 屠杀，浩劫，奸，杀，歹，虐。。。


待续。。。

The Uriah Story (Narrative)

I don't think I deserve any of these. Tomorrow, I will be leaving already. My lord has made his decree. I'm thankful for his faith in me. For 30 years, we have fought shoulders to shoulders. He's been a marvelous leader, and God always made a way when there seemed to be none. This mission, this particular one looks daunting. I don't see how I would be able to return. But I didn't think I would be able to return in any of the previous expeditions, did I? I should be fine. 
I wonder why he sent for my return. My brothers are fighting on the frontline, risking their lives for the nation. With each passing moments, I'm feeling the tug within my heart. I should be with them. Home seems too peaceful to me when war horns and horse hooves were ringing on the outside of the wall. My lord ordered for me to rest, to return to my wife, but how could I? I shall wait it out- even if I'm not there physically with my brothers, I will share in their sufferings, I will be with them in the spirit. When we return with victory, then all these enjoyments can come. That wouldn't be too late. That is exactly what I was going to do. But words came this morning. Suddenly he got me to the frontline. In fact, he got me to be in front of the frontline. Things haven't looked good there, but if he insists, then I would go. My king whom I serve, my king whom I chose to follow. 30 years of dedication, even if he were to ask me to draw my blood, I would. My allegiance is toward him...

2 Samuel 11:6-21