"No one has the right to hear the gospel twice, while there remains someone who has not heard it once."
— Oswald J. Smith
I probably would not be able to fully comprehend until I see for my own, and experience for myself- the kind of thrown-off. When all-time top-Christian-seller Rick Warren lost his son to suicide, when 911 took away the love of many, when people of Rwanda lived through the nightmare of genocide, and many man-made atrocities that haunt the history of... men. Yet, untimely christian reminders ring in our ears, "God so love the world that He gave His only Son..." In moments like these, I did not hear hope, but instead the rubbing of salt on wounds, raw wounds.
Even if I had wanted to believe... I mean... so many natural marvels, the distant stars in the sky, the vastness of the universe which made me feel so small, and even that solo piece of memory when I was touring an exotic countryside when the sun rose against the backdrop of the blazing horizon... Surely, that must be the intentional works of someone/something beyond. If believing in what we do not see is tough, then attributing all these to opportunistic probabilities requires even more faith...
But... for as far as I remember, well-meaning Christians have come around in sincere intention and hope of pointing me toward God, but instead turned me away. Unanswered questions raged within me, and doubts became anger... If He truly exists, and if He truly loves me, then why... Could it be that He doesn't love me enough... With each piece of news constantly reminding us of an uncompassionate God, I became more cynical... Then, I'm better off on my own... Perhaps it's true...
Stop telling me it's alright when my favorite dog passed away. Clearly it isn't.
Stop quoting me bible verses and tell me things like the joy of the Lord shall be my strength when I'm quashed and dampened. Frankly, I don't care about the joy of the Lord when I can't even cope to make it pass "not sad" myself.
And did you ever realize, every time you say "I understand", I really want to say "shut up!" because you really don't...
These are all not true...
First of all, I want to apologize to all if I had been guilty of any of those. I haven't been a real friend, and I haven't been available, and I have not been sensitive enough to care about your true needs, and I have selfishly stuffed you with what I thought were good. I was a pig, but truly, I haven't known better.
ABOVE ALL, I apologize for not having represented my God well. I have done Him a huge injustice and an even huger disservice by acting the ways I did before. Please forgive me.
God is Good: No Doubt!
Before I began, I want to say that for every bad thing that tainted our journey in life and made it harder than anyone should ever endure, I am sorry. I truly am. I cannot provide good reasons to explain why each of these tragedies has to happen. It's even more difficult when within the Christian circle we always declare that God is all-knowing, everything is in His control, and things only happen if God allows them to. These are anger-inducing. And many hearts are roaring, "THEN WHY?!?" The wake of the rape cases in India shook my convictions before. What kind of purpose, WHAT KIND OF PURPOSE warrants an innocent girl being ripped apart the way she has been... WHAT KIND OF DIVINE PURPOSE?!
(at this point, can I ask for absolute patience and finish the remaining parts of the article? Give me a chance, and give God a chance...)
These are all true, but they are only true in parts. And when these understanding of God are used to explain situation in the world by formulating our own conclusions like those that I have ranted about above, they do not coincide with the God whom I know, whom I have a relationship with. In fact, they contradict so much that either HAS TO be wrong!
Taking off from where I stopped in my previous post about waiting on God, I do have a certain understanding and conviction about who this God is. He is love (1 John 4:8), He came to give life to the fullest (John 10:10), He is a friend (John 15:15), He wants us to be filled with joy and hope, He works all things together for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28), He has a good plan to prosper us and not harm us (Jeremiah 29:11), and the list goes on.
And it is so important that we stand rooted and firm in our conviction about our understanding of who this lovely Father is, because the house that has been built on weak foundations will not be able to withstand the attacks in the world, and when the waves come, the house collapse.
I do not offer an explanation of what I do not know, but what I do know, I hang by them, and I strongly believe that this is how I have been able to continue on this narrow path. Frankly, it has not been easy, except by the grace of God.
It was even more painful for God.
Having established that, I want to propose this...
Recall the saddest, most painful experiences ever. It could be a breaking relationship, the passing of a loved one, disappointment with life circumstances, broken promise(s), betrayal... anything. With no intended disregard, can I suggest that in those moments, that amount of hurt that took place within us... Multiply by N times, and that's about what God felt. Cowboy Logan has a sweet understanding of this. He understands, and He will always understand...
This is easy to articulate, but difficult to comprehend. I probably cannot say this with the same amount of ease when time calls for such conviction to stand strong, but I must declare that "absolute Truth is not contingent on the level of conviction one displays. It is not even contingent on life circumstances, or how things may seem at that moment. If I say that the Truth is my bedrock and my foundation, then when I sway in my stance, the Truth is precisely where I will cling on to to stay anchored, which I ought to have established long before. Truths that sway are not absolute truth because when our circumstance changes, our conviction shifts, and we begin to question. In the latter, the bedrock and the foundation is the self, and "truth" is just a nice word used to increase one's perceived spirituality."
Remember, He always understands and He doesn't just understand, He cares... (Someone who is strong and capable of managing their hurt doesn't mean that they are hurt less. They may seem to be so, but that's not true). I reject any notion of aloneness in the name of Jesus. "God has forsaken us is a complete lie!
When we look on world's tragedy with compassion, also know that He sees it before us, He feels it before us, He has plan for better before us.
The partner in the partnership.
If those were true, then why... It is very easy to point finger. In fact, way easier than to take responsibility. I think it is about time we rise up in a mature manner to take some responsibility. In the light of free will and empowerment, can we all recognize that perhaps we are partially responsible for all these? History spans over a ridiculous amount of time that stretches beyond record, and at some junctures, there must be some sort of overlap, some sort of intertwining, some sort of entanglement, some sort of ripple effects. A friend once commented, "if every single human does only what God asks of us to do, and live according to His will, then everything would be fine." I feel like adding, if that is truly the case, Jesus can return now, like seriously now. I know that this would potentially open up another floodgate with regards to predestination and free will- like if that's the case, then don't say that He's fully in control, because clearly He's not. Well, once again I have no answer to justify this apparent obsession with the keeping of a promise or the preservation of free will, which if overlooked could mean many more souls being saved from the wrath of eternal burning. IF God really loves all, why that kind of priority: why free will over 100% salvation? I don't know, but this free will must be really important, and when I look at films featuring robotic minions, I think I understand 1% of what without free will would look like.
Therefore, if we look at some and ask God why the African kids have to starve, why the girl has to experienced raped, why the accident has to occur, here's something to think about/ask ourselves? Have I done anything to alleviate world poverty, have I done anything to improve security in my neighborhood, have I done enough to ensure road safety? It may not be entirely my responsibility, but it has to be someone's responsibility. Look through the internet for inspirational stories and see how God moved in those hurtful moments, and reflect on our own actions. Mother Teresa famously said this "I alone cannot change the world, but I can cast a stone across the waters to create many ripples." It has to start from someone, so why not us?
If you start off reading this article expecting to find an answer as to why bad things happen in the world, and why God allows them, I'm sorry to disappoint you. I cannot provide you with an answer that I do not know, but what I do know, I share and to me these are sufficient convictions to help me look beyond these problems, which in the first place are only hypothesis/suggestions, and at best unfounded allegations against my God.
Finally, God loves everyone the same. The perceived difference could be because someone somewhere hid away that portion of God's love that God had meant to pour out through them.
No comments:
Post a Comment