Thursday, May 3, 2012

Post-procrastination

Daddy,
    Is there a conference where you just stay up all night to pray and it spans over many nights? I had a dream earlier on where I had a recall of such a thing taking place in Expo. Now that I am much more awake, I know that it didn't really happen but earlier on it felt so real, and I was just so looking forward to it. I mean in the dream I was talking to my sister and mother about preparing ourselves for it AGAIN for the following year, meaning it did not really happen, but in the dream I had another memory that I had done it before for this year's Chinese New Year. It felt good! 
    I have been struggling. For a long period, I could not really launch myself into actions, frequently letting myself be drawn to distraction or excuses. I could not embark on a spiritual trip, could not write, could not read. Within myself was an awful fear and worry, that I was wasting my time away. So I really want to thank God for now, like really now, that You've helped me pull out from that reluctance. It still is not flowing, but at least it's a start. (I can go on rambling, but the key is really to listen and obey). 
    Drama #1: This is a testimony (Evan said in Hebrews it means do it again, but I certainly hope not). Finals were unplanned but all of them crammed nicely into a week, which would have been lovely considering that I would enjoy a good well-deserved one-week break before heading back to Navy. But the fact that I was badly ill made it tormenting. How I had to sit through 2 papers in a day with fever running high at 38.3  and a bad diarrhea counts of 15 the night before was pure miraculous, though definitely not enjoyable. Spinning head on essays, perhaps the one good thing is that you don't think too much. Joke aside, it had really been by God's grace that I was able to come through. Really thankful! (and am sure that the demonstration of that same kind of grace or even greater is characteristic of my God, and it sure will happen AGAIN)
    Drama #2: Joel's 21st. It was something that I had looked forward to. With it tying in together with the end of my finals made it an even more appealing anticipation. But what happened that night- a near death experience, a possible murder. It left me thinking, about the million and one possibilities (it's not healthy to do so, but it helped me realize so much, almost like how Solomon had put it- like a speck of dust, it's blown and gone). Really thank God for protection and mercy shown to the family. Indeed,a blessing in disguise: I look forward in anticipation of the goods that will come out from this.
    Drama #3: Sticking close behind the influence of the Letters To God, I watched the Courageous last night. A powerful movie about fathers and fathering, which made me realize the privilege I've been given to father the young lives, also some over values which mean so much to us. I look forward to a growth and a burgeoning friendship that will take us to the next level. Watch Courageous the movie!!!


Dear God, 
I recognize the importance of remembering and reminding myself of Your goodness in my life. But here is a man who so often forgets or succumbs to laziness to even just pen those things down. So Lord, I pray for You to work within me. Remove all that are not from You, and fill it up with all that is from You. I yearn to be like You, and I apologize for the bad that I have done, and for the disappointing moments I have been guilty of. But Lord, You are a renewing God and I trust that by Your strength, I will come through, that I may not be perfect, but in You and through You I will continue to improve and be more like You each time. Thank You for the assurance and trust that You've given me the privilege to impact lives in various aspects in this life of mine, and I pray for You to continue to guide and lead me that I may be a good channel to channel Your love and Your values to those around. May I be a pleasing sacrifice to You that my life will testify to Your love for humanity, that all glory will be unto You. 
I want to pray for R that You'll just shine Your light unto the path ahead of him that indeed in every step he takes whether he turns to the right or to the left, Your Word will guide him from within. Will You just soften the hearts of many, that they will not only see You, but also stir up the desire from within to come to know You. 
I pray for the group, that indeed in the midst of all that we do, let Your pleasure be the driving force behind. Will You just help us to develop into a praying community, that all that we do, are, will be, are centered upon You. 
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah

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