Tuesday, November 26, 2013

Kupang Reflection

Actually, I am kind of afraid to fall asleep now. It feels like everything is still fresh because they all occurred less than 24 hours ago. The knowledge that I am going to meet them tomorrow, the opportunity to say hello again, the frequent "okay lah-s", and the crazy song-singing that went on unlimited looping- all these become distant possibilities. I am afraid to fall asleep because when I get up later, it will probably feel like a nice beautiful dream- and when I wake up, the dream becomes memory. 
I know we will move on, eventually, but for now, I just want to indulge myself in a little more of every bit of memories, intentional moments which I chose to stay with the locals than with anyone from my team, from the dinner on the first night where I was trying to remember almost 20 new names, to the first day at work making dog sculptures after dog sculptures with balloons with Santi, to the second day at work where I witnessed one of the worst living conditions in my entire life with people literally staying amongst the rubbish dump, to the moment where I fell in love with child-likeness and learnt child-likeness from a kid whom the world would define as having nothing but really had everything, to the next moment where I broke and got touched by that one scene where the group of homeless kids lined up upfront and sang their hearts out (that rendition of "ku mau cinta Yesus selamanya" is the most beautiful rendition I've ever heard), to the third day where we traveled to one of the least visited places called the Semau island and played games after games with the very innocent kids. 
See, I'm afraid of the effects of time, even more so distance, because even now, I am beginning to forget bits and pieces of information of what happened in between. 
I know I got to move on, but that part of the heart, it was torn off me, and it has been left there. 
I know I am changed- because when I walked over to my fridge, I saw the luxury of can drinks and chocolate, and I closed it back up because they no longer appeal. I now consider them luxuries. I sat in the comfort of a nice lady's car, and I recognized that too as luxury. 
I sat beside the bus driver and attempted to strike conversations using my very broken bahasa Indonesia, that too is a luxury; we stand in the car porch and did our own rendition of the chinese pop song and put it on loop, and that too is a luxury. 
The former is a luxury of material wealth, successes; the latter that of time and relationships. 

I said we will meet, but I really wonder when, and if we do meet again, it will be different. We will all move on, and carry on with our lives- research, study, teach, work, volunteer. Whatever it is, even if it felt like a dream, I know it is not. It's a common piece of memory, that I know someone from somewhere on the other side of the earth who shares with me. I know I have made an impact, and I have made differences to precious lives. 

The love is genuine, and the sore will take some time to heal, but this is a revelation, and it just brings me and makes me more excited about what is to come in the near future. Mission fields are where I belong, and I'm on my way there! Lots of lots of love!