Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Isaiah 30: 19-23a

Isaiah 30: 19-23a
"O people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. How gracious He will be when you cry for help! As soon as He hears, He will answer you. Although the Lord gives you the bread of adversity and the water of affliction, your teachers will be hidden no more; with your own eyes you will see them. Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying "This is the way; walk in it." Then you will defile your idols overlaid with silver and your images covered with gold; you will throw them away like a menstrual clot and say to them, "Away with you!"
He will also send you rain for the seed you sow in the ground, and the food that comes from the land will be rich and plentiful."



Monday, June 25, 2012

Transformation


2012’s uniqueness to me is unprecedented. I’ve embarked on this journey following a 4-month’s effort to ‘publish’ my own book. Throughout which, a burgeoning potential always blew me off my feet- it’s a genuinely very exciting charge through uncharted ground, learning, unlearning, and relearning about my faith, and my identity as a prince in God’s Kingdom.
My testimony is one of a transformation. I probably had never realized how far-off I was, much less how much potential/ground I would be gaining over the next 6 months.
Kris Vallotton’s “Supernatural Ways or Royalty” challenged my original concept of my faith. And the subsequent sermons and other books, which came along such as John Beveries’ “Relentless”, trekked along the same path. Humility means thinking of us less, not thinking less of ourselves. That to me is a big revelation, having struggled with the issue of arrogance for the past 5 years.
As the adoption of the new identity brings about a newfound character takes place, I recognize changes, and that, have received much affirmation from the people around- how I have become more receptive, how I have become less quick to speak, how I’ve become more courageous.
Beyond that, as I venture into the supernatural realm, crazy things began to erupt in my life, as well as the lives of those around us. Tongues, prophecy, word of knowledge- it felt like us going back to our roots: spiritual beings in a physical body, rather than physical being with a spirit. These revelations helped me to change my perspectives about the fundamentals- the supernatural is normal in a Christian’s life.
All these, I give thanks to our awesome Daddy God, and I look to the future, in full expectation and anticipation of what is to come- it’s going to be a lot!

God’s child,
Judah

Sunday, June 24, 2012

Isaiah 6:8

One of the few phases where there were so many takeaways. And I just want to thank God for these miracles that are blowing me off balance. Some days later, I am probably gonna be lamenting again about not seeing or hearing, so I declare rejection to such possibilities! And I pray for sustenance!
At various points in life, there are bound to be that few important people who made a difference, or to quote Dewitt Jones, made a contribution in my life. There is of course my besty Joel who means so much in so many areas in my life; then there are the few whom I look up to as I grow and learn. Today, a person who holds a special fort in my heart spoke and it, un-disappointingly made so much sense. 
J.Chean was the first guy whom had helped me hear my calling, even before I came to Christ. That was almost 4 years back when I visited another church, and the sermon was rooted on missions. It was crazy! I had not even known Christ then, but that sermon was powerful- and I was shaken. The story about Corn put me on nerves, and I sought to find out. 4 years on today, I have come to Christ, and J.Chean continues to mean a lot to me, and I was just so glad to see him, and to be able to hear from him again. There's always some kind of excitement when I see him- likewise during GDOP! 
Amongst the many, he shared about the motivation for mission, that it should stem from a love for God, not the needs of the world. What wisdom! Thank God indeed!
There are so many testimonies- how I've managed to clear certain stuffs, how different people are placed into different areas of my life etc. Relieve* All these, I just want to acknowledge that God is good (has been so, and will always be so)!
                  Isaiah 6:8
  "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,
                                'Whom shall I send?
And who will go for us?'
             And I said,
'Here am I. Send me!"'
Those were not a question for Isaiah, but in the context, there were God, angels and Isaiah himself. He saw the goodness and recognized the privilege instead of the sacrifice that going for God entails. 

Saturday, June 23, 2012

Making Space

Crossing 2 milestones- time for a break, a relief, a review, a me-time.

Monday, June 18, 2012

It's all about Love

This is the entry as promised: one that ought to summarize the entire block of days of absence. 


Rant:

It was a long period of business, tiredness, quietness, and perhaps most of all, Change. Perhaps getting tired, and probably getting disillusioned- sick of being misunderstood, tired of being misrepresented or being misinterpreted. I was a lot more quiet, and a lot more bottled up- less keen to share, to clarify, to probe, sometimes to even confide. And then I got reminded of why God reminded us to be quick to listen and slow to speak; quick to love and slow to give advice. Regardless, I'm pleased with the change- it symbolizes a transition to a lesser need to be justified.


Insomnia was awesome- a smaller crowd, lesser buses, softer atmosphere; more personal, more in-depth, more afterthoughts, more reflections, more opportunities. The school portion was fun- the first time playing running man, and the awesome obstacle course! And all these I just wanna thank God for the enthusiasm displayed by the planning committee, and no less, the enthusiastic participants from AHS especially! 
The internal desire, and the playing out of the prophetic station had presented me with countless opportunities to talk to people whom I haven't talked to in a long while. Those revelations, those personal confession and thoughts, and those epic moments when people got taken aback by the aptness of each word that has been spoken. I asked, "God, these are Your children. Speak to them through me, and help me to feel for them how You would. Amen!" And the rest were all history, those moments that showed me how He saw- how He has always been in the picture even when we do not see Him- in our confusion, in our strive to survive, in our struggles, and even in our deliberate attempt to hide from Him. Such love, is as overwhelming as it could have gone. 
And all in all, Insomnia is a part of a big picture. At least, that's how I've sensed it, and continue to feel so. Those few whom I've given words to, and the general group- I say, this is only a beginning.


Father's Day

Service was awesome and I had the most challenging duty till time. But all were good, and I literally felt so encouraged by the kids who read, recited, sang, performed and presented. Teach the child where he ought to go from young so that when he grows older, he will neither turn to the left nor to the right! Woo. What wisdom. 
And as the service concludes, mentioning several times about being a Father, I got reminded of my Godson, myself being a "Father" to someone, and it sank in deep. My heart sank into the depth of the grave- what a huge responsibility, what a huge privilege, what a huge call, and what a huge lesson to prepare myself for Fatherhood! I take on the Courageous creed in my heart and yearn for a sustenance to be a praying father- to have R always in my prayer and a genuine desire to see him grow and surpass me. God be my helper, and all these, the glory all goes to God! 


Love Fest 

It's a concept about love- the deep concept that stems from knowing God, and ultimately knowing that He is Love. I got myself involved in a fun skit about the prodigal (wasteful) Father, when it has always and usually been known as the prodigal son. As it got acted out, as I listened to the message of love, I was transforming from the inside. 
For the longest period, I was bothered, troubled by things that I could not explain. Yet, as I played out 2, and 1 came into view- I could identify. Head knowledge holds no volume when the relevance is not drawn, or for my case, has only be drawn on the brief surface. How I often wished and prayed in preset conditions that have totally gone off course- oh, I must focus on God! Oh, I gotta expect and sharpen my senses if not I would miss Him! Oh, I will do this! Oh, I shall not do that! The list goes on, and the heart conditions got tired in the end, even exhausted. Unaware and missing on this entire concept of grace- we don't earn it! Elsewhere, people who never worked for it, people like atheist students from China were part of amazing testimonies; and even friends who grow alongside us told of great wonders, crazy encounters like encountering angels and traveling between spaces and time! Phew, Mind-blowing! Haiz, frustrating! 
For the longest period, we look to others and ask why, but is blinded by our own riches. It's an amazing concept, unbounded by any human logic, space or time! And as I sat there, each word pounded against me like a wave on a barren beach- the water came up, and sinks into the depth of the dryness. This is love, and I was just so moved by the smiley character, one that brings calmness and peace; one that displays gentleness and tolerance; one that stems from a divine source that overflows due to a prodigal lavish! LOVE! 
"God is pleased with you!" I heard that for the forth time this year, and that affirmation goes beyond doubt. But does heart knowledge translate into genuine conviction? Frankly, I continue to struggle with it all the time, at least until the point before I let it go. Sitting there, tears welled up, tears dried, and they welled up again... Even as I stood there, so many things went through my mind- oh gosh, my eyes are opening (no I shall not doubt, keep it closed, I don't need to see); oh I'm swaying forward and backward (I will not resist); why is my heart racing (was I nervous); oh, that heat in the neck (is that God, or is that me); oh, Daniel is blowing in my face (am I supposed to fall)? If anything, I was so disturbed and distracted, that peace was the last word I would associate myself with. Yet, in the midst of all these, I swayed and the rest were all history. He hadn't pushed me like my previous encounter, but it felt far from those tangible crazy moments. And as I sat up, as I walked to the back to dwell in a secret place, I dazed out, almost losing consciousness. Had I dozed off? I doubt so (it felt like Insomnia morning)- I was out of my body, out of everything and perhaps even out of physical awareness! In the daze, I saw a multitude of people, then I saw a sketch of a creature: Lion face and a horse body. My response? I do not need to see You to know that You love me, and may I continue to dwell in Your presence. 
I do not know how You work, but I am sure that You will work. I do not ask why can't I; but I yearn to find out when I will. 
God, I love You! 
Your child,
Judah

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

It's not knowing about Him; it's knowing Him

Season in season out, I learn, unlearn, and relearn. 
Within me is a mixed emotion. Perhaps there has never been a time more real than this to realize the common saying about knowing Him instead of knowing about Him. 
It's an exciting season (still very much so even 6 months after the first declaration). Many believers, many of whom I have known and have not, are talking about the next revival, the approaching end time, the rising of a golden generation, and the optimism goes on. In congruence to it, I'm being increasingly exposed to novelties, having just attended my first Christian seminar 2 weeks back, and then signing up for even more of such; reading doctrinal challenging concepts in the likes of the Supernatural Ways of Royalty; discovering the deeper ends of this relationship, this identity, this royalty, this Love (so overwhelming). 
Yet, just as all these 'excitement' explosion takes place, in my heart is a tingling. It's a dissatisfaction that mirrors Einstein's lamentation about the more we know, the more we know that we don't know. O God, the closer I draw to You, the greater the desire to draw even closer. 
At this phase, friends are important, amongst whom my fellow brothers and sisters in-Christ matter the most in helping me stand rooted in my walk. Thank God for friends indeed!
And there are times when I became disappointed, even disheartened by a common misconception about me. The misunderstanding rendered me so helpless sometimes, and I wonder why can't You just take them away. But just as a loving Father would, You let me tumble my way under Your close supervision so that I may learn how to walk. Thank You for the promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13! 


Father, 
There are so many times when I doubted and questioned. There are so many times when I simply did not understand. Those frustrating moments, I can only thank You for Your patience, for putting up with my ignorance. I can't promise that will never happen again, but I just wanna make the commitment to turn back to You whenever that happens again. So for that 5 minutes or 10 minutes, I just wanna thank You so much for the already given grace and mercy, and the many good things You have already lined along my path that will help me see. Lord God, I pray for more revelations and an extra keen sensitivity toward You. Sometimes it's really hard to reconcile things, but I believe in Your timing I will see. I hope it's not too long a wait, but again You know when it's best for me...
You are still the Lover of my life! Thank You God!

Thursday, June 7, 2012

Sentimental

At some point in our lives, we are bound to have felt that way. How Marina Keegan illustrated in her final article for Yale's paper, also her last in her life. For a long period, life has been so segmented and compartmentalized that I had seemed to be 2 or 3 replicas of myself in the different environments. I behaved differently- perhaps too caught up with any particular aspect. 
I pretty much had what she had- hall life, activities, chill-outs, friends, but because of the mini differences that I've grown to aware of that I shrunk. My personality has adapted to make these awkwardness feel natural- the deliberate disinterest toward the bigger community. 
Then I read Keegan's article- seemingly her farewell to her college life/friends to embark on a new phase in life, and ironically the finale of a new chapter which has yet to begin. It prompted me to look back and reassess how I have had spent my time. Learning how to enjoy silences and solitudes became excuses for me to shut myself away in the room. In contrast to Keegan's love and attachment to Yale, I began to wonder how would it be like when I finally finish my studies and head back to work...


Let's make something happen to this world- it starts with myself.