It's all about Love

This is the entry as promised: one that ought to summarize the entire block of days of absence. 

Rant:

It was a long period of business, tiredness, quietness, and perhaps most of all, Change. Perhaps getting tired, and probably getting disillusioned- sick of being misunderstood, tired of being misrepresented or being misinterpreted. I was a lot more quiet, and a lot more bottled up- less keen to share, to clarify, to probe, sometimes to even confide. And then I got reminded of why God reminded us to be quick to listen and slow to speak; quick to love and slow to give advice. Regardless, I'm pleased with the change- it symbolizes a transition to a lesser need to be justified.


Insomnia was awesome- a smaller crowd, lesser buses, softer atmosphere; more personal, more in-depth, more afterthoughts, more reflections, more opportunities. The school portion was fun- the first time playing running man, and the awesome obstacle course! And all these I just wanna thank God for the enthusiasm displayed by the planning committee, and no less, the enthusiastic participants from AHS especially! 
The internal desire, and the playing out of the prophetic station had presented me with countless opportunities to talk to people whom I haven't talked to in a long while. Those revelations, those personal confession and thoughts, and those epic moments when people got taken aback by the aptness of each word that has been spoken. I asked, "God, these are Your children. Speak to them through me, and help me to feel for them how You would. Amen!" And the rest were all history, those moments that showed me how He saw- how He has always been in the picture even when we do not see Him- in our confusion, in our strive to survive, in our struggles, and even in our deliberate attempt to hide from Him. Such love, is as overwhelming as it could have gone. 
And all in all, Insomnia is a part of a big picture. At least, that's how I've sensed it, and continue to feel so. Those few whom I've given words to, and the general group- I say, this is only a beginning.

Father's Day

Service was awesome and I had the most challenging duty till time. But all were good, and I literally felt so encouraged by the kids who read, recited, sang, performed and presented. Teach the child where he ought to go from young so that when he grows older, he will neither turn to the left nor to the right! Woo. What wisdom. 
And as the service concludes, mentioning several times about being a Father, I got reminded of my Godson, myself being a "Father" to someone, and it sank in deep. My heart sank into the depth of the grave- what a huge responsibility, what a huge privilege, what a huge call, and what a huge lesson to prepare myself for Fatherhood! I take on the Courageous creed in my heart and yearn for a sustenance to be a praying father- to have R always in my prayer and a genuine desire to see him grow and surpass me. God be my helper, and all these, the glory all goes to God! 

Love Fest 

It's a concept about love- the deep concept that stems from knowing God, and ultimately knowing that He is Love. I got myself involved in a fun skit about the prodigal (wasteful) Father, when it has always and usually been known as the prodigal son. As it got acted out, as I listened to the message of love, I was transforming from the inside. 
For the longest period, I was bothered, troubled by things that I could not explain. Yet, as I played out 2, and 1 came into view- I could identify. Head knowledge holds no volume when the relevance is not drawn, or for my case, has only be drawn on the brief surface. How I often wished and prayed in preset conditions that have totally gone off course- oh, I must focus on God! Oh, I gotta expect and sharpen my senses if not I would miss Him! Oh, I will do this! Oh, I shall not do that! The list goes on, and the heart conditions got tired in the end, even exhausted. Unaware and missing on this entire concept of grace- we don't earn it! Elsewhere, people who never worked for it, people like atheist students from China were part of amazing testimonies; and even friends who grow alongside us told of great wonders, crazy encounters like encountering angels and traveling between spaces and time! Phew, Mind-blowing! Haiz, frustrating! 
For the longest period, we look to others and ask why, but is blinded by our own riches. It's an amazing concept, unbounded by any human logic, space or time! And as I sat there, each word pounded against me like a wave on a barren beach- the water came up, and sinks into the depth of the dryness. This is love, and I was just so moved by the smiley character, one that brings calmness and peace; one that displays gentleness and tolerance; one that stems from a divine source that overflows due to a prodigal lavish! LOVE! 
"God is pleased with you!" I heard that for the forth time this year, and that affirmation goes beyond doubt. But does heart knowledge translate into genuine conviction? Frankly, I continue to struggle with it all the time, at least until the point before I let it go. Sitting there, tears welled up, tears dried, and they welled up again... Even as I stood there, so many things went through my mind- oh gosh, my eyes are opening (no I shall not doubt, keep it closed, I don't need to see); oh I'm swaying forward and backward (I will not resist); why is my heart racing (was I nervous); oh, that heat in the neck (is that God, or is that me); oh, Daniel is blowing in my face (am I supposed to fall)? If anything, I was so disturbed and distracted, that peace was the last word I would associate myself with. Yet, in the midst of all these, I swayed and the rest were all history. He hadn't pushed me like my previous encounter, but it felt far from those tangible crazy moments. And as I sat up, as I walked to the back to dwell in a secret place, I dazed out, almost losing consciousness. Had I dozed off? I doubt so (it felt like Insomnia morning)- I was out of my body, out of everything and perhaps even out of physical awareness! In the daze, I saw a multitude of people, then I saw a sketch of a creature: Lion face and a horse body. My response? I do not need to see You to know that You love me, and may I continue to dwell in Your presence. 
I do not know how You work, but I am sure that You will work. I do not ask why can't I; but I yearn to find out when I will. 
God, I love You! 

Your child,

Judah