Saturday, December 31, 2011
Friday, December 30, 2011
58- reaffirmed
Daddy,
Today reaffirmed where I desire to commit my time to. 24 hours cut up like a pie, some hours to sleep, some to eat, and a portion of it to shower and do other things. I had dinner with mommy and that was some awesome time spent together- all smiles and all laughters!
School was a dread, and I really felt like staying away from it as much as possible before the new semester began, but a promise is a promise, and I thank God for my sister to remind me of that. That once again reaffirmed my desire to head home- a small home, a bit overcrowded, dust and noise from the construction work definitely don't help, but that's my home, a home I have stayed in for 20 years (going 21), a home where my 61 years old mommy stays, where an annoying 21 (going 22) sister resides, where a semi-transparent 63 hers old papa lives with us. It's not the best home, nor the most cosy, neither the most comfortable, but it's just my home. This is the last semester I will stay in hall, and Lord, I really pray that this one semester You'll prepare me. Grant me all the discipline that I need to study at home, especially after my sister graduates next year. Help me to recover the responsible me, to really be responsible for all the gifts You've bestowed me, the gift of time, the gift of relations, and all the gifts that You will reveal to me.
Lord, I continue to commit myself to You, the taking up of the new leadership. While today's bidding round did not include me, Lord, I continue to trust and await Your voice. If the modules I have selected are of You, grant me the peace and help me to study them well. If it's of Your plan to move me to be with the younger kids, my prayer holds, and I pray for Your affirmation, through the revelation of a gift. Help me to pray for them!
Lord, I had an impression that compels me to open my mouth, for I am doubtful as to how I would know if You have given it to me. Yet Lord, Your ways are not my ways, and I can only place my trust in Your timing, that if it has already been given, I will know. So Lord, keep me and guard me, and help me know if You've spoken!
In Jesus's name I pray,
Amen!
Today reaffirmed where I desire to commit my time to. 24 hours cut up like a pie, some hours to sleep, some to eat, and a portion of it to shower and do other things. I had dinner with mommy and that was some awesome time spent together- all smiles and all laughters!
School was a dread, and I really felt like staying away from it as much as possible before the new semester began, but a promise is a promise, and I thank God for my sister to remind me of that. That once again reaffirmed my desire to head home- a small home, a bit overcrowded, dust and noise from the construction work definitely don't help, but that's my home, a home I have stayed in for 20 years (going 21), a home where my 61 years old mommy stays, where an annoying 21 (going 22) sister resides, where a semi-transparent 63 hers old papa lives with us. It's not the best home, nor the most cosy, neither the most comfortable, but it's just my home. This is the last semester I will stay in hall, and Lord, I really pray that this one semester You'll prepare me. Grant me all the discipline that I need to study at home, especially after my sister graduates next year. Help me to recover the responsible me, to really be responsible for all the gifts You've bestowed me, the gift of time, the gift of relations, and all the gifts that You will reveal to me.
Lord, I continue to commit myself to You, the taking up of the new leadership. While today's bidding round did not include me, Lord, I continue to trust and await Your voice. If the modules I have selected are of You, grant me the peace and help me to study them well. If it's of Your plan to move me to be with the younger kids, my prayer holds, and I pray for Your affirmation, through the revelation of a gift. Help me to pray for them!
Lord, I had an impression that compels me to open my mouth, for I am doubtful as to how I would know if You have given it to me. Yet Lord, Your ways are not my ways, and I can only place my trust in Your timing, that if it has already been given, I will know. So Lord, keep me and guard me, and help me know if You've spoken!
In Jesus's name I pray,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| Fearful child in the midst of a lost world; Seemingly mild, the ways threw him into a whirl. Fire and Cloud, the Father guides; As had been vowed, Lord Jesus's bride. Deuteronomy 31: 8 "The Lord Himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you." |
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
59- readjustment
Daddy God,
(can You pretend to not have seen this over my shoulder before I post this out, it kinda removes a little thrill from the supposed-letter to You)
The break is coming to an end. As much as I have enjoyed this break and this availability, it is also a genuine thought that this is very well one of the last holiday that I have before I secure the basic competencies certificates. For that, I just pray for a Godly attitude to sustain me for another extended run before the next break.
Yesterday I had a positive session with You. Thank You for helping me with all my various troubles and struggles, and today I will just continue to ask. My focuses for 2012 are my walk with You, church, and studies! So Lord, I pray for You to imprint upon my heart what I have decided and may You always be a part of my considerations! Lord, keep me close and be in every decision that I make!
I continue to ask for You to reveal Your gifts for me! And as the days pass, and as the date to make the final call nears, I pray for Your assurance and affirmation that everything and all things are for You and for Your purpose! Lord, by You I can do all things!
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!
(can You pretend to not have seen this over my shoulder before I post this out, it kinda removes a little thrill from the supposed-letter to You)
The break is coming to an end. As much as I have enjoyed this break and this availability, it is also a genuine thought that this is very well one of the last holiday that I have before I secure the basic competencies certificates. For that, I just pray for a Godly attitude to sustain me for another extended run before the next break.
Yesterday I had a positive session with You. Thank You for helping me with all my various troubles and struggles, and today I will just continue to ask. My focuses for 2012 are my walk with You, church, and studies! So Lord, I pray for You to imprint upon my heart what I have decided and may You always be a part of my considerations! Lord, keep me close and be in every decision that I make!
I continue to ask for You to reveal Your gifts for me! And as the days pass, and as the date to make the final call nears, I pray for Your assurance and affirmation that everything and all things are for You and for Your purpose! Lord, by You I can do all things!
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| A gaze up the sky; marvel of Your works in my eyes. The children's faith; Ye hope I hath. Proverbs 3: 5 "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding." |
60- reoriented
Daddy,
Why is it so complicated? I am only twenty, at best twenty-one in 60 days time, but the thoughts are way beyond. I guess I am getting tired of the rejection- a reckless rejection on my side to choose to not see what I was meant to, to choose to no listen what I ought to. "Let go." "LET GO!" Coming to 4 years, during which course the call had sounded so many times. Lord, if that is what You have for me, I know You will provide me with the strength to do so. Yes Lord, I pray for the kind of liberation Charm had with You. Help me with that kind of soothing, and fill that void with Your purpose and will for my life.
Maybe she had already said no, instead of being not ready.
2011 is coming to a pleasant closure. Eye irritation aside, and the unpleasant stints of soreness aside, I am thankful for this intensity, the seemingly event-filled December. It set me thinking, reflecting, and spurred me for a closer walk. Yes Lord, pull me closer to You!
Right now Lord, I just want to commit these things in prayer. Lord, grant me wisdom and help me to deliberate, even more so to identify Your voice. I have planned out my schedule and have had my mind set on various directions, so if these are of You, I pray for You to show it to me. The modules that I am going to take for the next semester. Lord, it's a crumbling experience, and I thank You for breaking me down in the first semester. It's so bad, but yet, You made it just nice to meet to bare minimum to qualify for that major, so yes Lord, I have had my mind set on Psychology, and I pray that the coming semester as I explore deeper into this field, You'll continue to keep me and help me not deviate away from Your teaching, and maintain a Godly attitudes even in face of any disagreement sciences might have with Your Words. So Lord, if the 5 that I have chosen are not from You, may Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven!
Lord, as the church transits, I just want to acknowledge Your goodness upon All Saints! Lord, You have been a marvelous Miracle-Maker! Thank You for all the blessings You've bestowed upon the church through them! I thank you for Bernard and Jeanne, this pair of siblings to really set the youth group into motion again! Poiema (masterpiece) as we are called, Lord I pray for You to continue to mould us and guide us from where we have halted and became stagnated. Lord, as we step into a new year, I pray for the new leadership, and pray for Your hands to move in this transition. It may be tough but You are all-able, and You alone can make it smooth! Yet, may Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven!
Lord, as I ponder over the offer, I got reminded on various past experiences. Just like the sharing yesterday, Lord, indeed You have known me even before I came to know You, and You have been at work way before! She said I killed it, so I must have killed it, and that was already a blatant "no". Charm mentioned about the liberating feelings, and I think I felt it a little just now! Thank You Father! As I ponder over the offer to take up leadership and cross into the younger ministry, Lord remove all my doubts. I might deliberate and complain about the responsibility, the time, the commitment, and even my influence on new sprouting lives, but Lord, it's Your will that will ultimately be fulfilled. Few months back, A.T told me that he could sense that I have a lot of gifts, and while I only asked about them once in a while, Lord, this time round I'm just gonna commit it to You! You know my struggle to maintain a healthy prayer life, so Lord, I pray for the gift of tongues. Lord, You will help me to pray for these kids if this is Your will. Lord, grant me the burden for the young! Help me to grow, and help me to help them grow.
Yet, may Your will be done on earth as in Heaven!
In Jesus's name I pray,
Amen!
Why is it so complicated? I am only twenty, at best twenty-one in 60 days time, but the thoughts are way beyond. I guess I am getting tired of the rejection- a reckless rejection on my side to choose to not see what I was meant to, to choose to no listen what I ought to. "Let go." "LET GO!" Coming to 4 years, during which course the call had sounded so many times. Lord, if that is what You have for me, I know You will provide me with the strength to do so. Yes Lord, I pray for the kind of liberation Charm had with You. Help me with that kind of soothing, and fill that void with Your purpose and will for my life.
Maybe she had already said no, instead of being not ready.
2011 is coming to a pleasant closure. Eye irritation aside, and the unpleasant stints of soreness aside, I am thankful for this intensity, the seemingly event-filled December. It set me thinking, reflecting, and spurred me for a closer walk. Yes Lord, pull me closer to You!
Right now Lord, I just want to commit these things in prayer. Lord, grant me wisdom and help me to deliberate, even more so to identify Your voice. I have planned out my schedule and have had my mind set on various directions, so if these are of You, I pray for You to show it to me. The modules that I am going to take for the next semester. Lord, it's a crumbling experience, and I thank You for breaking me down in the first semester. It's so bad, but yet, You made it just nice to meet to bare minimum to qualify for that major, so yes Lord, I have had my mind set on Psychology, and I pray that the coming semester as I explore deeper into this field, You'll continue to keep me and help me not deviate away from Your teaching, and maintain a Godly attitudes even in face of any disagreement sciences might have with Your Words. So Lord, if the 5 that I have chosen are not from You, may Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven!
Lord, as the church transits, I just want to acknowledge Your goodness upon All Saints! Lord, You have been a marvelous Miracle-Maker! Thank You for all the blessings You've bestowed upon the church through them! I thank you for Bernard and Jeanne, this pair of siblings to really set the youth group into motion again! Poiema (masterpiece) as we are called, Lord I pray for You to continue to mould us and guide us from where we have halted and became stagnated. Lord, as we step into a new year, I pray for the new leadership, and pray for Your hands to move in this transition. It may be tough but You are all-able, and You alone can make it smooth! Yet, may Your will be done on earth as it is in Heaven!
Lord, as I ponder over the offer, I got reminded on various past experiences. Just like the sharing yesterday, Lord, indeed You have known me even before I came to know You, and You have been at work way before! She said I killed it, so I must have killed it, and that was already a blatant "no". Charm mentioned about the liberating feelings, and I think I felt it a little just now! Thank You Father! As I ponder over the offer to take up leadership and cross into the younger ministry, Lord remove all my doubts. I might deliberate and complain about the responsibility, the time, the commitment, and even my influence on new sprouting lives, but Lord, it's Your will that will ultimately be fulfilled. Few months back, A.T told me that he could sense that I have a lot of gifts, and while I only asked about them once in a while, Lord, this time round I'm just gonna commit it to You! You know my struggle to maintain a healthy prayer life, so Lord, I pray for the gift of tongues. Lord, You will help me to pray for these kids if this is Your will. Lord, grant me the burden for the young! Help me to grow, and help me to help them grow.
Yet, may Your will be done on earth as in Heaven!
In Jesus's name I pray,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
Into Your hands, my life will land. The new year embarks; Your plan's fire sparks! Day by day, a mystery unfolds; Your goodness and Your way, beyond what we could hold! Job 42: 2 "I know You can do all things; no plan of Yours can be thwarted." |
Saturday, December 24, 2011
63- traditionally conventional; conventionally traditional
Daddy,
I guess sometimes it's appropriate to let loose a little bit? To let ourselves run wild- emotions, thoughts, maybe even actions.
Traditionally, I love Christmas eve, more than Christmas itself. It's weird, because in my world the best part of Christmas actually stops when the occasion really begins- to me, everything ends with the countdown. That was how I had viewed it for a large part of my childhood, with Christmas being just another public holiday of not-knowing-to-do-what. That has since departed me, and the knowledge of the true Christmas story meant so much!
Today is the eve, and I haven't particularly been giving much thoughts to anything. Holidays are coming to an end, and while I live by my conviction of the necessity to have a nothing-moment once in a while, things have to be geared up gradually already.
Lord, please take over the steering wheel, and let this be less of my doing and more of Your guiding.
BGR issues continue to be a grey.
Today, I just want to keep the mission fields in prayer. These are all excellent works of Yours. While the world undergoes through another turbulent period, Lord, will You please just guard Your own works. These are Your children, and I pray for You to grant this compassion of Yours upon many more. Raise up the new generation to venture and takeover these many harvest fields of Yours! In the most backward nations, Your love is demonstrated. For in our weaknesses, Your strength is shown. So Lord, will You continue to move things in these fields. Your presence will flow, and Your might shown. People will see and hear, and they will come to know of Your love and Your grace. Lord, bless these people, Your children.
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!
I guess sometimes it's appropriate to let loose a little bit? To let ourselves run wild- emotions, thoughts, maybe even actions.
Traditionally, I love Christmas eve, more than Christmas itself. It's weird, because in my world the best part of Christmas actually stops when the occasion really begins- to me, everything ends with the countdown. That was how I had viewed it for a large part of my childhood, with Christmas being just another public holiday of not-knowing-to-do-what. That has since departed me, and the knowledge of the true Christmas story meant so much!
Today is the eve, and I haven't particularly been giving much thoughts to anything. Holidays are coming to an end, and while I live by my conviction of the necessity to have a nothing-moment once in a while, things have to be geared up gradually already.
Lord, please take over the steering wheel, and let this be less of my doing and more of Your guiding.
BGR issues continue to be a grey.
Today, I just want to keep the mission fields in prayer. These are all excellent works of Yours. While the world undergoes through another turbulent period, Lord, will You please just guard Your own works. These are Your children, and I pray for You to grant this compassion of Yours upon many more. Raise up the new generation to venture and takeover these many harvest fields of Yours! In the most backward nations, Your love is demonstrated. For in our weaknesses, Your strength is shown. So Lord, will You continue to move things in these fields. Your presence will flow, and Your might shown. People will see and hear, and they will come to know of Your love and Your grace. Lord, bless these people, Your children.
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| Time flies, man tries; To reverse time, a surreal chime. Sunlight eclipses dawn, The season of hope arrives at my lawn. Luke 10: 2 "He told them, 'the harvest is plentiful, but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into His harvest field.'" |
Friday, December 23, 2011
64- forgiven and forgotten
Daddy,
I thank You for helping me start small. That reluctance to not want to dwell on past grievance, needless to say to carry it across into even another day. Frankly, I don't know how far I am from You now, but at least I think I am still talking to You; at least, I know You hear me even when I am doubtful.
I think I know why I like family movies. Feel-good factors aside, it's realistic enough to allow us to examine ourselves- our relationships, our values, our lives, ourselves literally. We bought a Zoo blew me away again, and I think You spoke again. Certain things we let go- something we have loved so much always seem to infiltrate every new grounds we gain as we attempt to run away from it. It's not an attempt or a try, but a changing perspective. She's ready to go, just like Siba was ready to go, and my selfish reason to retain it will only make this relationship tough for her, and tough for myself to maintain it. Help me raise a commemoration board in my heart, and let all of these settle down into the deep corners of the memories trove. Lord, lead me and guide me, for You have the best for me. Let me not worry about these nor that. Celibacy or not, by Your timing and Your will, may Your plan unfold!
I pray for the world today, Lord. As it undergoes calamities and changes of all kinds, Lord, may Your love be felt amongst the people. Let these be opportunities for You to draw these people back to Your embrace as the end-time closes in.
In Jesus's name I pray,
Amen!
I thank You for helping me start small. That reluctance to not want to dwell on past grievance, needless to say to carry it across into even another day. Frankly, I don't know how far I am from You now, but at least I think I am still talking to You; at least, I know You hear me even when I am doubtful.
I think I know why I like family movies. Feel-good factors aside, it's realistic enough to allow us to examine ourselves- our relationships, our values, our lives, ourselves literally. We bought a Zoo blew me away again, and I think You spoke again. Certain things we let go- something we have loved so much always seem to infiltrate every new grounds we gain as we attempt to run away from it. It's not an attempt or a try, but a changing perspective. She's ready to go, just like Siba was ready to go, and my selfish reason to retain it will only make this relationship tough for her, and tough for myself to maintain it. Help me raise a commemoration board in my heart, and let all of these settle down into the deep corners of the memories trove. Lord, lead me and guide me, for You have the best for me. Let me not worry about these nor that. Celibacy or not, by Your timing and Your will, may Your plan unfold!
I pray for the world today, Lord. As it undergoes calamities and changes of all kinds, Lord, may Your love be felt amongst the people. Let these be opportunities for You to draw these people back to Your embrace as the end-time closes in.
In Jesus's name I pray,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| Love is in the air; Let go of the past I could not bear. 20 seconds of insane courage; Your strength and presence helped me manage. A step back I took to see beyond the dot; Ask me why I love, I answer why not. John 15: 9 "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love" |
Thursday, December 22, 2011
65- for a change
Daddy,
I like the feeling of being a participant.
Sometimes I just need a place to rant, some place where I enjoy a little bit of privacy, one which I don't have to be responsible, one which is shut away from the attention of the world, one which even if you see it you will pretend that you haven't.
It was an enjoyable night, but the spirit could not get high. I think I know what was happening. Those taunts were annoying but at that instant, it did not matter half as much. I was preoccupied with things.
The deliberate attempt to keep out of the way brought a lot of discomfort. I want to stand by that conviction, yet the heart wavers at any evolution. It felt familiar, almost like how it was a few years back. Yet, fear accumulated from all these years only meant a lot of caution against what is to come- certainly not a hopeful one. The cloud of impossibility looms above- you told me I killed it myself... I felt like an a****** pushing you around, but that was perhaps the best way to help me get out from this agony. Apologies.
When there is hurt, and when it felt like it matters, maybe the whole matter has gone underway once again. Evolution is tough; uprooting will be painful; starting anew difficult. I did my part. Probably it was the same response- a lack of readiness instead of a decline. To me, a yes would have ended everything, and a drag only meant prolonged sufferings. I am tearing up inside, and the only way is to really keep away. I am very very very very selfish here...
4 years on from a commitment; rampaged heart, wild mind, irrational thoughts- it was indeed a turbulent 4 years- painful, tough, false-hope, fat-hope, delusion, and definitely life-changing. And it really feels very bad to have an interception come in just like that, not that it's anyone's fault. How can I blame you, or you? I just hate the situation, and how it has landed all of us where we are. I cannot face you now, neither can I face you. I am beginning to wonder if those well-wishes, if they really are fulfilled, will I be able to face it. As of now, just keep me away from it. It's too much to handle...
Daddy,
You have seen the hurt. The moment I came in, You have seen all my wounds. Desperate calls to fill those voids, a state of confusion, and many harmful ways. I was like a drowning child, struggling and grabbing violently to anything that came my way to sustain me (in the process hurting and even killing whatever remains and whatever that came). Lord, if I am able to come through, it's definitely by Your strength that I will be able to do so. Hold me, and guard me. In all these, may Your will be done, and not mine.
In Jesus's name I pray,
Amen!
I like the feeling of being a participant.
Sometimes I just need a place to rant, some place where I enjoy a little bit of privacy, one which I don't have to be responsible, one which is shut away from the attention of the world, one which even if you see it you will pretend that you haven't.
It was an enjoyable night, but the spirit could not get high. I think I know what was happening. Those taunts were annoying but at that instant, it did not matter half as much. I was preoccupied with things.
The deliberate attempt to keep out of the way brought a lot of discomfort. I want to stand by that conviction, yet the heart wavers at any evolution. It felt familiar, almost like how it was a few years back. Yet, fear accumulated from all these years only meant a lot of caution against what is to come- certainly not a hopeful one. The cloud of impossibility looms above- you told me I killed it myself... I felt like an a****** pushing you around, but that was perhaps the best way to help me get out from this agony. Apologies.
When there is hurt, and when it felt like it matters, maybe the whole matter has gone underway once again. Evolution is tough; uprooting will be painful; starting anew difficult. I did my part. Probably it was the same response- a lack of readiness instead of a decline. To me, a yes would have ended everything, and a drag only meant prolonged sufferings. I am tearing up inside, and the only way is to really keep away. I am very very very very selfish here...
4 years on from a commitment; rampaged heart, wild mind, irrational thoughts- it was indeed a turbulent 4 years- painful, tough, false-hope, fat-hope, delusion, and definitely life-changing. And it really feels very bad to have an interception come in just like that, not that it's anyone's fault. How can I blame you, or you? I just hate the situation, and how it has landed all of us where we are. I cannot face you now, neither can I face you. I am beginning to wonder if those well-wishes, if they really are fulfilled, will I be able to face it. As of now, just keep me away from it. It's too much to handle...
Daddy,
You have seen the hurt. The moment I came in, You have seen all my wounds. Desperate calls to fill those voids, a state of confusion, and many harmful ways. I was like a drowning child, struggling and grabbing violently to anything that came my way to sustain me (in the process hurting and even killing whatever remains and whatever that came). Lord, if I am able to come through, it's definitely by Your strength that I will be able to do so. Hold me, and guard me. In all these, may Your will be done, and not mine.
In Jesus's name I pray,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| Drowning in pain I licked my wound; You brought the rain and hid the moon. Darkness looms; Life spells doom. Cowboy Logan understands, Through years and seasons Your love withstands. A gift upon the cross, Begins a journey we cannot pause. James 1: 12 "Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him." |
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
67- Hanging by the line
Daddy,
Thank God for this timely break. 2 films in a row, hanging out with friends, guess life has been a while since it's been this kind to me. Even now that I am staying over at my besty's place, I want to give glory and honor to You.
I woke up early in the morning to be faced with many shocking news (those world-changing ones). Calamities that are faced in many parts of the world, Lord You are the God of order, and I just wanna pray for Your presence to be upon these place, for wherever Your presence is, the sense of peace and security will follow. It is a difficult period for many, but Lord, You can change bad circumstances in favor of Your plan and purpose. So Lord, I just wanna pray for Your hands to move in these areas, in the capital city of Cairo, in Philippines, in North Korea, may Your will be done on earth as in heaven.
Today is the results-relesing day. I apologize for being so skeptical, to jump to conclusion when I see people thanking You and making the judgement that they did well. I apologize and am guilty for being so weak in faith. Yet, Lord, as I wait upon the release of my results, please grant me Your peace, and help me to be able to genuinely do likewise, that I may thank You regardless of how well/bad I do for You are the God of results, and You are in control in all these. Really want to thank You for my angel from 3 years back. She's been an encouragement, and I pray for her to continue to grow in her walk with You, that You will reveal to her more and more, and she will be able to see You increasingly in her life.
In Christ's name,
Amen!
Thank God for this timely break. 2 films in a row, hanging out with friends, guess life has been a while since it's been this kind to me. Even now that I am staying over at my besty's place, I want to give glory and honor to You.
I woke up early in the morning to be faced with many shocking news (those world-changing ones). Calamities that are faced in many parts of the world, Lord You are the God of order, and I just wanna pray for Your presence to be upon these place, for wherever Your presence is, the sense of peace and security will follow. It is a difficult period for many, but Lord, You can change bad circumstances in favor of Your plan and purpose. So Lord, I just wanna pray for Your hands to move in these areas, in the capital city of Cairo, in Philippines, in North Korea, may Your will be done on earth as in heaven.
Today is the results-relesing day. I apologize for being so skeptical, to jump to conclusion when I see people thanking You and making the judgement that they did well. I apologize and am guilty for being so weak in faith. Yet, Lord, as I wait upon the release of my results, please grant me Your peace, and help me to be able to genuinely do likewise, that I may thank You regardless of how well/bad I do for You are the God of results, and You are in control in all these. Really want to thank You for my angel from 3 years back. She's been an encouragement, and I pray for her to continue to grow in her walk with You, that You will reveal to her more and more, and she will be able to see You increasingly in her life.
In Christ's name,
Amen!
Your son,
Judah
 |
| In the midst of disappointment; I can't mask my need for ointment. The burns from life's game, the pain from a little fun; Up on stake I put my name, that same "life" became a pun. Meaningless! Meaningless! What a thing to say; An eternal worth, the Ecclesiastes's "way". 1 Thessalonians 5: 18 "Give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." |
Monday, December 19, 2011
69- good to be back!
Daddy,
I totally enjoyed the return to Your house today. 2 weeks away certainly helped me to appreciate my time in church a lot better. Even for the lesson that I was supposed to conduct, I did no feel as nervy as I normally would. All in all, it was just Your presence and comfort that soothed my soul. I like how I am available this month for technically all the things that I want to attend, how I was able to say yes, how I was able to agree even before the details were out. For that, I know that it was You at work, that I may experience such joy and peace.
If life's seasons continue to play, this is definitely spring (though my favorite continues to be autumn).
While I stroll through the park at this phase in life, I want to acknowledge that You have not promised beds of roses but that after every storm, You will see us from behind the rainbow to remind us how You have brought us through. So from where I am now, I just want to pray for this joy to spread. Have mercy on those who might be going through the rough patches. For You will not give us more than what we can take, but in You we find all strength to face all things. So Lord, will You just continue to reveal Yourself. Help them feel Your presence, help them see Your purpose. May Your comfort and peace be with them. That despite the disagreement we may have with Your plan, help us to persevere till the end.
In Christ's name I pray,
Amen!
I totally enjoyed the return to Your house today. 2 weeks away certainly helped me to appreciate my time in church a lot better. Even for the lesson that I was supposed to conduct, I did no feel as nervy as I normally would. All in all, it was just Your presence and comfort that soothed my soul. I like how I am available this month for technically all the things that I want to attend, how I was able to say yes, how I was able to agree even before the details were out. For that, I know that it was You at work, that I may experience such joy and peace.
If life's seasons continue to play, this is definitely spring (though my favorite continues to be autumn).
While I stroll through the park at this phase in life, I want to acknowledge that You have not promised beds of roses but that after every storm, You will see us from behind the rainbow to remind us how You have brought us through. So from where I am now, I just want to pray for this joy to spread. Have mercy on those who might be going through the rough patches. For You will not give us more than what we can take, but in You we find all strength to face all things. So Lord, will You just continue to reveal Yourself. Help them feel Your presence, help them see Your purpose. May Your comfort and peace be with them. That despite the disagreement we may have with Your plan, help us to persevere till the end.
In Christ's name I pray,
Amen!
Your son,
Judah
 |
| A call I hear, Lord, You are near; Into unfamiliar terrain I took my stride, In humility You came to quash my pride. Rough patches, difficult faith; Lighted matches, hope Ye saith. 2 Timothy 4:7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. |
Sunday, December 18, 2011
70- oblivion
Daddy,
Sometimes I really want to know how other people feel. It's complicated, and it's deja vu all over- how it had started, and how it is right now. Of course it bothers me, and I dislike being the link in such manner. Multiple rejections and numerous rebuff had pushed me to where I am today. If that is the end; if that is the way, then at least I would fancy an A-grade "successor". Moreover, I have never been that fantastic, and these 4 years of hypocrisy only means that I deserve no better than this.
That dream about the quarrel was deeply-etched, but the reunion today felt like something else. A bit of familiarity, a bit of cherish, a bit of dearness. Perhaps they have been away for too long. I ought to look beyond the criticalness.
As the Christmas season draws even nearer, I pray for the truth of Your message to be spread. That amidst all distractions and temptations, the comfort of Your love and the assurance of Your presence will bind us tight to the truth, that Christmas is about Your Son bringing about the redemption of humanity. So I just want to pray that You will guard our hearts and help us to fight against the world. Let the genuineness of Your love flow. Especially for my pre-believer friends whom Your children have brought, I pray for open hearts and open minds. May meaningful relationships be forged and may You speak to them in Your own unique ways, that they may come to know You.
In Jesus's most precious name,
Amen
Sometimes I really want to know how other people feel. It's complicated, and it's deja vu all over- how it had started, and how it is right now. Of course it bothers me, and I dislike being the link in such manner. Multiple rejections and numerous rebuff had pushed me to where I am today. If that is the end; if that is the way, then at least I would fancy an A-grade "successor". Moreover, I have never been that fantastic, and these 4 years of hypocrisy only means that I deserve no better than this.
That dream about the quarrel was deeply-etched, but the reunion today felt like something else. A bit of familiarity, a bit of cherish, a bit of dearness. Perhaps they have been away for too long. I ought to look beyond the criticalness.
As the Christmas season draws even nearer, I pray for the truth of Your message to be spread. That amidst all distractions and temptations, the comfort of Your love and the assurance of Your presence will bind us tight to the truth, that Christmas is about Your Son bringing about the redemption of humanity. So I just want to pray that You will guard our hearts and help us to fight against the world. Let the genuineness of Your love flow. Especially for my pre-believer friends whom Your children have brought, I pray for open hearts and open minds. May meaningful relationships be forged and may You speak to them in Your own unique ways, that they may come to know You.
In Jesus's most precious name,
Amen
Your son,
Judah
 |
| Worries cast aside, In You I confide. My Lord, my King, You reign over all things; Your love, Your comfort, Your Son the Christ brings. Hanging high the Bethlehem star shines, Pointing towards the Newborn, Your plan so fine. Matthew 7: 7 "Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened for you" |
Saturday, December 17, 2011
71- Decelerator
Daddy,
It's been a very long while. 1 week, the equivalence to the amount of time I spent onboard ship. Little snippets that reminded me of You, yet the determination was never strong enough to draw me back to You. I have chosen to stay away, sacrificing the time with You for selfish reasons. Guilt continues to evade me, but I really hope I'd be drawn back to You. Daddy, I am weak, and as long as I am by myself, I will never succeed in this difficult walk. Make Your presence felt, help me look to You, and notice You in every aspect of my life.
It's been an even longer while since I last had a proper holidays - maybe a good 5 to 6 years. Suddenly, there seems to be a decelerator in place; suddenly pockets of time are being freed for moments of doing nothing; suddenly I'm beginning to spend more time with the first few important people in my life; suddenly the craze of this crazy traffic eases out. The leave came at the right time, and I am glad and thankful for it.
On a personal note, I think I am becoming very critical of my close friends. Moments when random people suddenly popped by to drop a message or two were sweet and enjoyable, others when I was alone I would just like to enjoy the serenity. If anything, it's the 71st, a good 10 days since the last.
Christmas season gives me the reason to not overload my December due to the spread of events that scatter across the festive month. This is the first proper Christmas since... Ah well, I guess it's just like why DQ left Poiema for a sabbatical- enough of hosting, enough of organizing, enough of initiating- right now, I just want to enjoy the break, to take up the position of a participant and have my fair share of the fun. Hopefully it's not too much to ask.
I secretly notice a silent evolution in me. At the 90 plus I mentioned about a conviction that You will do something special within this 100 days. Now at the 70 plus, I'm handing back the stewardship to You- whatever You say, wherever You command, I will do.
Your child,
Judah
 |
| Every moment I spent in Your presence, The peace, the joy, my life's essence. All else matter no more, Incomparable to the weight You have bore. Isaiah 55:12 "You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees will clap their hands." |
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
80- comforter
Daddy,
I will be away for a while, at least away from this blog. I will try to continue with handwritten letters, but I am quite sure I will miss home at some point in time, and at others, I will miss the freedom. But this period of my life is one of the life's lemon for me to make this seasonal lemonade. Daddy, please reassure me that You are always there. Go with me, because frankly I am still a bit nervy. Met those pretty nice people, but the unfamiliarity feels unfriendly. Father, help me with these relationships and continue to allow me to be Your salt and light to this new field.
In Jesus's name,
Amen!
I will be away for a while, at least away from this blog. I will try to continue with handwritten letters, but I am quite sure I will miss home at some point in time, and at others, I will miss the freedom. But this period of my life is one of the life's lemon for me to make this seasonal lemonade. Daddy, please reassure me that You are always there. Go with me, because frankly I am still a bit nervy. Met those pretty nice people, but the unfamiliarity feels unfriendly. Father, help me with these relationships and continue to allow me to be Your salt and light to this new field.
In Jesus's name,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| Jesus, lover of my soul. In You, I found my love. John 14:27 "Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." |
Sunday, December 4, 2011
82- Lover of my soul
Daddy,
I think it feels good to be traveling. At least all the in-betweens, those little reflective moments, all seem to be more productive and meaningful. I think I am slowly began to lose track of this countdown- 100 days are many, even that 42 days voyage away from comfort had appeared to flitted by much quicker. Yet, the first semester is over, and sometimes thoughts about the next one and even thoughts about the last one would bog the mind- how have I done, am I able to gear up, how can I hope, what would happen, what's going to change.
I missed today's service but am just glad that I catch up with Bernard, Joel and Alvin, especially so when I am returning to navy tomorrow. It felt like those typical last dinner before execution, much more enjoyable, more cherished, and more appreciative. Right now, I am feeling a bit of nerves. Lord, I pray for You to calm that heart of mine. Lord, You are all powerful and I know You will be with me wherever I go. As long as I call out to You, there You will be to sustain me and to guide me. So Lord, I pray for a Godly attitude, that whatever may come my way, I would be able to respond the way Jesus would. Let me be Your salt and light in this harvest field of Yours. May the fields be filled with many of Your workers, let us be an active participant in this harvesting process- the integral link in this long chain.
On this 82nd count down, I also want to keep the church camp in prayer. I just want to pray for You to be there amongst them. All of us have had a long 2011, and will You just let this be a period of refreshment for them. Let them bask in Your presence, and speak to them. Where You are, the joy shall be. So Lord, help them to enjoy this short escapade from the crazy pace of our society. Speak to them Father and bring many smiles and laughters amongst their midst!
In Christ's name I pray,
Amen!
I think it feels good to be traveling. At least all the in-betweens, those little reflective moments, all seem to be more productive and meaningful. I think I am slowly began to lose track of this countdown- 100 days are many, even that 42 days voyage away from comfort had appeared to flitted by much quicker. Yet, the first semester is over, and sometimes thoughts about the next one and even thoughts about the last one would bog the mind- how have I done, am I able to gear up, how can I hope, what would happen, what's going to change.
I missed today's service but am just glad that I catch up with Bernard, Joel and Alvin, especially so when I am returning to navy tomorrow. It felt like those typical last dinner before execution, much more enjoyable, more cherished, and more appreciative. Right now, I am feeling a bit of nerves. Lord, I pray for You to calm that heart of mine. Lord, You are all powerful and I know You will be with me wherever I go. As long as I call out to You, there You will be to sustain me and to guide me. So Lord, I pray for a Godly attitude, that whatever may come my way, I would be able to respond the way Jesus would. Let me be Your salt and light in this harvest field of Yours. May the fields be filled with many of Your workers, let us be an active participant in this harvesting process- the integral link in this long chain.
On this 82nd count down, I also want to keep the church camp in prayer. I just want to pray for You to be there amongst them. All of us have had a long 2011, and will You just let this be a period of refreshment for them. Let them bask in Your presence, and speak to them. Where You are, the joy shall be. So Lord, help them to enjoy this short escapade from the crazy pace of our society. Speak to them Father and bring many smiles and laughters amongst their midst!
In Christ's name I pray,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| Your loving touch, my nerves calmed; I thank You much, my raised palms. Psalm 34:15 "The eyes of the Lord are on the righteous and His ears are attentive to their cry." |
83- a perfect fit
Daddy,
Last night was a testimony to the saying that we dream about certain things because we think about them too often in the day. Things are slowly falling into place, and I think I am beginning to see the picture again. That dream was no sign nor wonder, but just another one of its kind of random nature. I mean just not too far apart, I dreamt of a 6 year long friend whom I haven't met for more than a year anyway. Last night, I dreamt about her again, but the details faded away with the awakening, almost just like how memories and the past would fade as bubbles of dreams got pricked by reality's needles. In any case, it was an assuring affirmation of the embrace of singlehood- none of which had been deliberate hints. I have been thinking too much! She is not the one. *ah well, at least I am coming back on track.
Along the same line those many flings are slowly beginning to fall into their respective places too. That heart which always sways, is finally beginning to settle. How can I adore someone whom treat the meet up with you as "just another service"; how can I fall for someone whom have a million of one things prioritized over you? I need someone who will keep me in track, and I know I am not strong enough otherwise. So Lord, help my heart to focus on You, and help me to make You the centre of my life, even in the selection of spouse.
Today, it suddenly occurred to me that people actually read and follow this blog. I hope these letters have been an encouragement to the readers just like how Tyler's had impacted lives. Lord, speak to them through these letters. You will work Your ways!
On this 83rd countdown, I wanna keep all parents in prayer. Indeed Father, You are a loving Parent who loves Your children. Therefore, You have created mothers and fathers through whom Your love can be poured out. But if any circumstances deem that impossible, in Your manifold and great mercies, You will take them under Your wings. Lord, will You just teach these noble creation of Yours. Guide them and teach them as they learn to be parents. Lord, will You just bless the relationships between parents and children. Help them to overcome adversities like the ones in Happy Feet 2. Lord, we do not know Your ways, but Your ways are the best ways, so Lord, teach us Your ways.
On the 83rd countdown, I also wanna keep C in prayer. Letters to God touched my heart, and I pray for You to speak to her in Your own unique ways too! Pull her back to You.
I continue to trust that something marvelous is going to happen.
In Christ's name,
Amen!
Last night was a testimony to the saying that we dream about certain things because we think about them too often in the day. Things are slowly falling into place, and I think I am beginning to see the picture again. That dream was no sign nor wonder, but just another one of its kind of random nature. I mean just not too far apart, I dreamt of a 6 year long friend whom I haven't met for more than a year anyway. Last night, I dreamt about her again, but the details faded away with the awakening, almost just like how memories and the past would fade as bubbles of dreams got pricked by reality's needles. In any case, it was an assuring affirmation of the embrace of singlehood- none of which had been deliberate hints. I have been thinking too much! She is not the one. *ah well, at least I am coming back on track.
Along the same line those many flings are slowly beginning to fall into their respective places too. That heart which always sways, is finally beginning to settle. How can I adore someone whom treat the meet up with you as "just another service"; how can I fall for someone whom have a million of one things prioritized over you? I need someone who will keep me in track, and I know I am not strong enough otherwise. So Lord, help my heart to focus on You, and help me to make You the centre of my life, even in the selection of spouse.
Today, it suddenly occurred to me that people actually read and follow this blog. I hope these letters have been an encouragement to the readers just like how Tyler's had impacted lives. Lord, speak to them through these letters. You will work Your ways!
On this 83rd countdown, I wanna keep all parents in prayer. Indeed Father, You are a loving Parent who loves Your children. Therefore, You have created mothers and fathers through whom Your love can be poured out. But if any circumstances deem that impossible, in Your manifold and great mercies, You will take them under Your wings. Lord, will You just teach these noble creation of Yours. Guide them and teach them as they learn to be parents. Lord, will You just bless the relationships between parents and children. Help them to overcome adversities like the ones in Happy Feet 2. Lord, we do not know Your ways, but Your ways are the best ways, so Lord, teach us Your ways.
On the 83rd countdown, I also wanna keep C in prayer. Letters to God touched my heart, and I pray for You to speak to her in Your own unique ways too! Pull her back to You.
I continue to trust that something marvelous is going to happen.
In Christ's name,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| On retrospect the mess falls into place, With all due respect, even when we seemed off paced. Calmness in the heart; the years flew like darts. A journey with You down history's path, An old man's relief in the armchair and a heavy puff. *reminiscence* Isaiah 43:19 "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland." |
Saturday, December 3, 2011
84- Broken
Daddy,
It feels so terrible. What a dream in the morning, to be topped off with a shock. Speak to me. I need to hear You. It was through so much pain and hurt that I managed those words. I couldn't have done better. He's a nice guy, and she deserves a nice guy like him. It's right for me to step back, it's right for me to make way. I am not good enough. Lord, if this is Your plan, I pray for You to pour Your blessings upon this relationship. Be in the midst and guard them. They are both very nice people.
Set my heart straight so I will not get distracted. Lord be my strength. Help me Father!
In Christ's name,
Amen
It feels so terrible. What a dream in the morning, to be topped off with a shock. Speak to me. I need to hear You. It was through so much pain and hurt that I managed those words. I couldn't have done better. He's a nice guy, and she deserves a nice guy like him. It's right for me to step back, it's right for me to make way. I am not good enough. Lord, if this is Your plan, I pray for You to pour Your blessings upon this relationship. Be in the midst and guard them. They are both very nice people.
Set my heart straight so I will not get distracted. Lord be my strength. Help me Father!
In Christ's name,
Amen
Your child,
Judah
 |
| By Your side I journeyed life's seasons, Marvel of Your works I cannot reason. Darkness looms in my private room. No turning back in life's cul-de-sac. Tears flow, prowess show. Every shades of grey, In Jesus's name I pray. For a rainbow to entail the storm; Love, Your goodness's norm. Psalm 30:5 "For His anger lasts only a moment, but His favor lasts a lifetime; weeping may remain for a night, but rejoicing comes in the morning." |
Friday, December 2, 2011
85- an unlikely
Good morning Daddy. I dreamt about her again. It is so unlikely. It has been 3 years, and it's barely the beginning of this year when I made the commitment to move on. I thought we have both done well. If I was unable to guard myself, then the least I could do was to keep myself away from it. I really did believe I would come through unscathed. The wounds would heal, the pain would numb. But that dream, the context- everything was such a reminiscence of the past. If possible I would have prayed for myself to not ever wake up. "it's been so long," I mentioned in the dream. Indeed, it had been a long long while. But it seemed so unlikely, almost impossible. She will probably never see this, nor will she ever be like her in that dream. She has changed, and I have changed. Over all these years, I have been put through many things that have changed me, perhaps one of those was that that happened 3 years ago. Nevertheless, I have been changed.
Father, You know what's best for me. If I have been called into celibacy, then guard my heart and help me to rejoice in this relationship with You and You alone. I need to know what to do, even if I am not to do anything, Lord, let me know. "reconciliation", "surrender", I heard all these words, so Lord, help me make sense of them all.
In Christ's name I pray,
Amen!
Father, You know what's best for me. If I have been called into celibacy, then guard my heart and help me to rejoice in this relationship with You and You alone. I need to know what to do, even if I am not to do anything, Lord, let me know. "reconciliation", "surrender", I heard all these words, so Lord, help me make sense of them all.
In Christ's name I pray,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| Seasons change, time flies; Your plan for me I would comply. Through the hurt You carried me, Into places Your plans shall be. Isaiah 55:8 "For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the Lord. |
86- preparation
Daddy,
Thank You for the silence when I needed it. Thank You for the getaway when I was feeling cooped up. Thank You for the time-out when I was losing pace. Thank You.
Today I went out with my sister. I got many things done, albeit an ever growing list on the yet-to-be done column. For the past 1 hour, earphone in my ears with nothing coming out from it. I yearn to hear You. If Elijah heard You in the silences, I would like to hear the same. I haven't still, but Lord please speak to me.
It threw doubt in my shaky heart when I wondered- if I am called to do something that is out of logic, out of the norm, out of the world, such as breaking a contract, leaving a well-paid job, leaving school right now, how'd my response be like? I mean I have made claims about I will follow and all the easy-to-say things. If it's really from You, help me know it, reaffirm it, and I will follow nevertheless. Amen!
Thank You for the silence when I needed it. Thank You for the getaway when I was feeling cooped up. Thank You for the time-out when I was losing pace. Thank You.
Today I went out with my sister. I got many things done, albeit an ever growing list on the yet-to-be done column. For the past 1 hour, earphone in my ears with nothing coming out from it. I yearn to hear You. If Elijah heard You in the silences, I would like to hear the same. I haven't still, but Lord please speak to me.
It threw doubt in my shaky heart when I wondered- if I am called to do something that is out of logic, out of the norm, out of the world, such as breaking a contract, leaving a well-paid job, leaving school right now, how'd my response be like? I mean I have made claims about I will follow and all the easy-to-say things. If it's really from You, help me know it, reaffirm it, and I will follow nevertheless. Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| "The wind blows, a fall's sorrow." When we see the beauty of Fall, it is when the leaves have made way to prepare for Winter. Psalm 19:1 "The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands." John 15:13 "Greater love has no one than this, that he lay his life for his friends." |
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
87- perspectives, the difference
Daddy;
On the one hand I was gathering people for a thanksgiving session, on the other that my own thanksgiving had to make way for other emerging desires, most of which were of no real values- catching a film, playing a game. In my perspective, I am just an average man whom like any average man, have the tendency to forget, to compromise, or to even betray. Yet, in Your eyes, I am special. I cannot fathom, but I know for that single fact that I am special, You are willing to love me and die for me. Thank you Father!
Exams have come to an end, an the returning date has been set on slightly less than a week from now. In between I have quite a substantial list of items on my checklist yet to be checked. It's perhaps a settling period.
Today, we went to little Thailand for dinner. Thai food, Thai words, Thai music, Thai language, and behind the facade was Thai misfortune, Thai ugliness. Indeed Thailand remains one of the most prominent countries in the world to partake in the share of the immoral pie- sex trade.
Lord, I just wanna pray for Your hands to be upon this issue. Lord, just as You have helped me know of Your love, help these people too to learn of Your great love for them. Help them to cherish their bodies, and quash this industries so that no more will be hurt. Lord, raise up people to walk into these ministries, so that Your light will shine forth and Your love be extended out to them!
In Christ's name,
Amen!
On the one hand I was gathering people for a thanksgiving session, on the other that my own thanksgiving had to make way for other emerging desires, most of which were of no real values- catching a film, playing a game. In my perspective, I am just an average man whom like any average man, have the tendency to forget, to compromise, or to even betray. Yet, in Your eyes, I am special. I cannot fathom, but I know for that single fact that I am special, You are willing to love me and die for me. Thank you Father!
Exams have come to an end, an the returning date has been set on slightly less than a week from now. In between I have quite a substantial list of items on my checklist yet to be checked. It's perhaps a settling period.
Today, we went to little Thailand for dinner. Thai food, Thai words, Thai music, Thai language, and behind the facade was Thai misfortune, Thai ugliness. Indeed Thailand remains one of the most prominent countries in the world to partake in the share of the immoral pie- sex trade.
Lord, I just wanna pray for Your hands to be upon this issue. Lord, just as You have helped me know of Your love, help these people too to learn of Your great love for them. Help them to cherish their bodies, and quash this industries so that no more will be hurt. Lord, raise up people to walk into these ministries, so that Your light will shine forth and Your love be extended out to them!
In Christ's name,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| Into my hands I dived my head; Oblivious to Your cause; ignorant to Your lead. In the Spirit You spoke light into darkness; In the decades I transform into Your likeness! Psalm 9:9 "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble." |
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
88- trudging throughout the seasons
Daddy,
It happened again. I spent the entire day cooping myself up in this apartment which has been my home for 20 odd years, very much due to the much overdue exam preparation for tomorrow's not one, but two papers. It was the same distracted self, the usual sleep-deprived me. But at least now I am yearning to write to You. Yes Father, thank You for calling out to me and pulling me to You!
It has only been a little while, not much longer than the yesteryear since Serve ended, before I entered army. All along I thought that was the trigger- an ego-smashing experience, together with the discomfort from an unfriendly environment. That was perhaps one of those irrational compelling factors for me to signed above those lines.
But today I seemed to have a bit of revelation. It had started way before that. Sometimes we have the tendency to oversimplify concepts, The idea of seasonal life-phases depicts beautiful scenic imageries of each episodes, but my limited capacities always mean that I would frequent the mistakes of disjoint. Even in the nature world, the trees are only able to survive the chill of winter because they would shed their leaves in the Autumn. Yet the transitions were so frequently overlooked, and the attributions almost non-existent.
3 years back when I was 17, major occurrences already laid the way. I had not entered this Family back then, so if this has been intended, that I have to go through these roads to be where I am now, and if this is Your plan and Your design for my life, Lord, help me to carry on. I think I am feeling the exhaustion; I feel that I am slipping into the habits of irresponsibilities, procrastinations, indecisiveness, hypocrisy, and even inconsistencies. You are the God of excellence, so Lord, help me and inspire me with Your goodness to help me get by this dread.
Daddy, I am desperate!
In Christ's name,
Amen!
It happened again. I spent the entire day cooping myself up in this apartment which has been my home for 20 odd years, very much due to the much overdue exam preparation for tomorrow's not one, but two papers. It was the same distracted self, the usual sleep-deprived me. But at least now I am yearning to write to You. Yes Father, thank You for calling out to me and pulling me to You!
It has only been a little while, not much longer than the yesteryear since Serve ended, before I entered army. All along I thought that was the trigger- an ego-smashing experience, together with the discomfort from an unfriendly environment. That was perhaps one of those irrational compelling factors for me to signed above those lines.
But today I seemed to have a bit of revelation. It had started way before that. Sometimes we have the tendency to oversimplify concepts, The idea of seasonal life-phases depicts beautiful scenic imageries of each episodes, but my limited capacities always mean that I would frequent the mistakes of disjoint. Even in the nature world, the trees are only able to survive the chill of winter because they would shed their leaves in the Autumn. Yet the transitions were so frequently overlooked, and the attributions almost non-existent.
3 years back when I was 17, major occurrences already laid the way. I had not entered this Family back then, so if this has been intended, that I have to go through these roads to be where I am now, and if this is Your plan and Your design for my life, Lord, help me to carry on. I think I am feeling the exhaustion; I feel that I am slipping into the habits of irresponsibilities, procrastinations, indecisiveness, hypocrisy, and even inconsistencies. You are the God of excellence, so Lord, help me and inspire me with Your goodness to help me get by this dread.
Daddy, I am desperate!
In Christ's name,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| Sunshine. downpour; a year in four. Trudging through for fish and loaves; Reigning throughout Your Agape love! Ecclesiastes 3:1 "There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven" |
Sunday, November 27, 2011
89-prodigal son
Daddy,
Thank you for the camp, really! For a long period of time, I have forsaken what I like and the camp really brought back a lot of those memories! Thank You Father!
Sickness and discomfort aside, even the impending anxiety and nerves from the papers 2 days later too aside, right now at this moment I just wanna talk to You so much! So often, I would just go in circles and give the generics and yesterday it suddenly just dawned on me that I lack the specifics. Dislike*
If possible Lord, will You just mould me in all of these aspects. Just like Skitguy's God's Chisel, I ought not to be making any personal request in the moulding process, but will You just look at me Lord. I commit myself to Your hands and pray hard (x1000) that however You will change me, let me be a willing party, and let me see Your purpose in every changes I will go through!
In Christ's name,
Amen!
Thank you for the camp, really! For a long period of time, I have forsaken what I like and the camp really brought back a lot of those memories! Thank You Father!
Sickness and discomfort aside, even the impending anxiety and nerves from the papers 2 days later too aside, right now at this moment I just wanna talk to You so much! So often, I would just go in circles and give the generics and yesterday it suddenly just dawned on me that I lack the specifics. Dislike*
If possible Lord, will You just mould me in all of these aspects. Just like Skitguy's God's Chisel, I ought not to be making any personal request in the moulding process, but will You just look at me Lord. I commit myself to Your hands and pray hard (x1000) that however You will change me, let me be a willing party, and let me see Your purpose in every changes I will go through!
In Christ's name,
Amen!
Your son,
Judah
 |
| Away from Your face I turned my back, trusting in my own strength to play life's deck. A void grew; that missing heart, Your grace shown; an undeserving part. Luke 15:20 "But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and was filled with compassion for him; he ran to his son, threw his arms around him and kissed him." |
Friday, November 25, 2011
91- an absence drives a wedge
Dear Lord,
I know I shouldn't be relying on this too much. Even more so, I really ought to have done better in so many aspects. On the 92nd day, I failed miserably, and once again I had to be convinced that it's by Your grace and not by our credit that we can come to You. No matter how I try, I will never be good enough so Lord, just help me to trust and rely on You more. For when I am finally in tune with You, Your ways will be my way, and Your thoughts my thought- I will detest what You loath, do what You intend, love what You embrace. Lord, I am sinful and I am bad. Time and again I have done bad, worse still I've been a hypocrite and a coward, only boasting about You and I, but forever shy to share about him and I. "he" is that one, ugly detestable side of this world, the fallen one, the unrepentant one, so Lord, I just pray for You to take me away from him and keep him away from me! Thank You Lord!
Today is thanksgiving. As I sat for another paper and hurried down to church for a camp, I guess complaints have to subside.
Yesterday I think I heard some very meaningful words from You, but I have missed to note them down. Once I believe if those words are from You, they will never be gone nor forgotten. How foolish I am- isn't that taking Your words for granted. Now that they are gone I pray for You to speak to me again. I will note them down this time round for sure! Sorry Daddy, and thank You for Your forgiveness in advance! *love!
I know I shouldn't be relying on this too much. Even more so, I really ought to have done better in so many aspects. On the 92nd day, I failed miserably, and once again I had to be convinced that it's by Your grace and not by our credit that we can come to You. No matter how I try, I will never be good enough so Lord, just help me to trust and rely on You more. For when I am finally in tune with You, Your ways will be my way, and Your thoughts my thought- I will detest what You loath, do what You intend, love what You embrace. Lord, I am sinful and I am bad. Time and again I have done bad, worse still I've been a hypocrite and a coward, only boasting about You and I, but forever shy to share about him and I. "he" is that one, ugly detestable side of this world, the fallen one, the unrepentant one, so Lord, I just pray for You to take me away from him and keep him away from me! Thank You Lord!
Today is thanksgiving. As I sat for another paper and hurried down to church for a camp, I guess complaints have to subside.
Yesterday I think I heard some very meaningful words from You, but I have missed to note them down. Once I believe if those words are from You, they will never be gone nor forgotten. How foolish I am- isn't that taking Your words for granted. Now that they are gone I pray for You to speak to me again. I will note them down this time round for sure! Sorry Daddy, and thank You for Your forgiveness in advance! *love!
Your son,
Judah
 |
| The blue of the skies, the green of the pastures; the coolness of the breeze, the warmth of the companion; the peace of the silence, the joy of the laughters; the fragrance of nature, the aroma of the brew; the goodness in this life; the sweetness in Your love. Thank You Daddy! <3 Psalm 136:1 "Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good. His love endures forever." |
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
93 - I think I can feel you
Father,
Why is there so much hurt in this world? If You are always in control all these while, why do things sometimes go so out of order? I formulated a conviction not too long back, that indeed You were here even before Moses or Abraham (John 8:58); that You knew us even before we were born (Jeremiah 1:5); that You knew even our wayward ways; that You knew fully what kind of decisions we are likely to make in our lives; that despite You are not constrained by human timelines. It's the same argument I would have presented the previous time during the Pontius Pilate debate if I had been one of the speakers.
You gave us free will, but You already know what we would choose. And often, it's the wrong decisions that we make that seemingly swing things out of order, but yet inspire of all these, You are still and always have been in control. Wow* Mind-bogging, but Lord let me know if I'm right!
Today is the 93rd and ongoing still, and I just want to remember it as the triplet day and dedicate it to all families- the father, the mom, and the child. It's such a bliss for us to be able to participate in this joy of being in a family, but yet I just want to remember the hurt in the midst of all these. I cannot possibly describe nor understand the kind of pain any broken family would have to go through, but Lord I just want to pray for Your comfort to be with them. Whatever it may be, Lord I just want to pray for You to heal the hurt. I know the joy of having You in our lives, and only You are capable of bringing back those smiles, so I just wanna commit P, G, C, B, and CS and all other single parents into Your mighty hands. You know it all, the past, the present and the future, and I trust that in You, all of them have a bright future.
In Christ's name,
Amen!
Why is there so much hurt in this world? If You are always in control all these while, why do things sometimes go so out of order? I formulated a conviction not too long back, that indeed You were here even before Moses or Abraham (John 8:58); that You knew us even before we were born (Jeremiah 1:5); that You knew even our wayward ways; that You knew fully what kind of decisions we are likely to make in our lives; that despite You are not constrained by human timelines. It's the same argument I would have presented the previous time during the Pontius Pilate debate if I had been one of the speakers.
You gave us free will, but You already know what we would choose. And often, it's the wrong decisions that we make that seemingly swing things out of order, but yet inspire of all these, You are still and always have been in control. Wow* Mind-bogging, but Lord let me know if I'm right!
Today is the 93rd and ongoing still, and I just want to remember it as the triplet day and dedicate it to all families- the father, the mom, and the child. It's such a bliss for us to be able to participate in this joy of being in a family, but yet I just want to remember the hurt in the midst of all these. I cannot possibly describe nor understand the kind of pain any broken family would have to go through, but Lord I just want to pray for Your comfort to be with them. Whatever it may be, Lord I just want to pray for You to heal the hurt. I know the joy of having You in our lives, and only You are capable of bringing back those smiles, so I just wanna commit P, G, C, B, and CS and all other single parents into Your mighty hands. You know it all, the past, the present and the future, and I trust that in You, all of them have a bright future.
In Christ's name,
Amen!
Your son,
Judah
 |
| Stars in the sky, tears in my eyes. Indescribably Your works unfold, into Your likeness we'll be mold. Jeremiah 1:5 Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart. |
94- most expressive
Daddy God,
I have just come back to hall. It's been a nice few days at home with the company of my family. How Astounded I was when I discovered how long it had been since I last watched any television programs, even more so how much longer has it been since I last enjoyed a good laughter with my family. All in all, it's been a blessed period, just to be in each others' presence, and of course I ought to learn to appreciate them more.
Every bit we drift contributes to the distance we create between You and us. You have never moved, but like an indulgent kid, every bit of added comfort prompts us to explore a little further, sometimes even forgetting the "You" whom have so faithfully halted in anticipation of our return. Until one day we drift so far (during which we may be blown off our feet by the marvels of the world forgetting the same Creator whom we share; sometimes the fun of the world gets the better of us that we forget that the one most meaningful relationship has been jeopardized; other times we even embrace the "perceived better" only to trudge upon the foundation of a love story), so far away that the void calls out pain, and the waiting One cries out hurt.
Daddy, will You just keep me. While tonight may not have been like the past few and the "feel-good" might have been so much lesser, but Lord, just keep me close. Let me praise You not only in good times, but also in bad, for You're the God of my life- even the bad can be meant for Your goodness.
Genesis 50:20
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."
Indeed Lord, I am not good enough, neither do I know enough, but in You I shouldn't ask for anything else.
I have just come back to hall. It's been a nice few days at home with the company of my family. How Astounded I was when I discovered how long it had been since I last watched any television programs, even more so how much longer has it been since I last enjoyed a good laughter with my family. All in all, it's been a blessed period, just to be in each others' presence, and of course I ought to learn to appreciate them more.
Every bit we drift contributes to the distance we create between You and us. You have never moved, but like an indulgent kid, every bit of added comfort prompts us to explore a little further, sometimes even forgetting the "You" whom have so faithfully halted in anticipation of our return. Until one day we drift so far (during which we may be blown off our feet by the marvels of the world forgetting the same Creator whom we share; sometimes the fun of the world gets the better of us that we forget that the one most meaningful relationship has been jeopardized; other times we even embrace the "perceived better" only to trudge upon the foundation of a love story), so far away that the void calls out pain, and the waiting One cries out hurt.
Daddy, will You just keep me. While tonight may not have been like the past few and the "feel-good" might have been so much lesser, but Lord, just keep me close. Let me praise You not only in good times, but also in bad, for You're the God of my life- even the bad can be meant for Your goodness.
Genesis 50:20
"You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives."
Indeed Lord, I am not good enough, neither do I know enough, but in You I shouldn't ask for anything else.
Your son,
Judah
 |
| (exhaustion*) Sometimes the most expressive sentiment does not come in word-forms. In desperation, all we need is to reach out our hands, and His would have already been outstretched for us to take. John Piper: "God is most glorified when I am most satisfied in Him." Psalm 23:1 "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not be in want." |
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
95- A prayer for a reconcilation
Dear Daddy God,
I don't like what's on my mind...
Luke 6:41
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"
Today has not been particularly eventful, but there has been some attempt to revive some lost passion. I am going back to the sketching business after the examinations. Anyway, Lord, this is the first time I'm experiencing so much peace preparing for an exam. Not that I am super well-prepared, in fact until today, I was still kinda behind time for some of the major readings, but yet that peace. I don't think it would be wise to blame You for the lay-back-ness, but that peace I have to credit it to You. John Piper said You are most glorified when I am most satisfied in You, so Lord, in any case help me to be diligent, and be contended with whatever capacities I have inherited from You!
Today in a casual exchange, H feedback that I haven't exactly always picked the nice words. Meaning that I could have been a little too nasty sometimes. Noted* I ought to be more gentle, and by that I ask You to mold me in Your ways!
Today I just want to pray for CS! You know the kind of hurt she has been through. Indeed You know all things, so Lord, I just want to pray for Your comfort and presence to be with her. Indeed, many a times we get frustrated and angry with You because we disagree with a seemingly too-uncomfortable situation. *Wrong! Because we often fail to see Your plans unfold, and Your goodness reveal, so Lord, I just pray for Your Godly wisdom to be upon us, and help us to see through Your eyes! Lord, she is your child, and I just wanna pray for You to meet with her personally and bring her back to this family!
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!
I don't like what's on my mind...
Luke 6:41
"Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?"
Today has not been particularly eventful, but there has been some attempt to revive some lost passion. I am going back to the sketching business after the examinations. Anyway, Lord, this is the first time I'm experiencing so much peace preparing for an exam. Not that I am super well-prepared, in fact until today, I was still kinda behind time for some of the major readings, but yet that peace. I don't think it would be wise to blame You for the lay-back-ness, but that peace I have to credit it to You. John Piper said You are most glorified when I am most satisfied in You, so Lord, in any case help me to be diligent, and be contended with whatever capacities I have inherited from You!
Today in a casual exchange, H feedback that I haven't exactly always picked the nice words. Meaning that I could have been a little too nasty sometimes. Noted* I ought to be more gentle, and by that I ask You to mold me in Your ways!
Today I just want to pray for CS! You know the kind of hurt she has been through. Indeed You know all things, so Lord, I just want to pray for Your comfort and presence to be with her. Indeed, many a times we get frustrated and angry with You because we disagree with a seemingly too-uncomfortable situation. *Wrong! Because we often fail to see Your plans unfold, and Your goodness reveal, so Lord, I just pray for Your Godly wisdom to be upon us, and help us to see through Your eyes! Lord, she is your child, and I just wanna pray for You to meet with her personally and bring her back to this family!
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!
Love from Your Son,
Judah
 |
| A relationship You've yearned, one that we could not have earned. Such mercy and such grace, we can but only embrace. Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you,"declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. |
Monday, November 21, 2011
96- At a loss
God hath not promised skys always blue
Dear Lord,
It's a radical change. How I respond, how I behave, how I believe, I'm feeling the transformation from within and they have to be credited to You. I pray for You to continue working in these ways, and even so may Your plan be done on earth as it is in Heaven.
Abba Father, at this point in time, I am feeling so grey. 3 years of involvement to witness what it actually has been liked. It's funny how I have felt comfortable and settled, and even when I made the decision to leave 2 years ago, how I had eventually decided against it and was convinced that I still had a part to play. Despite such conviction, it had not been strong enough to propel me to seek and ask. Wrong* I have never seen the need to ask and took it for granted that You'll show me if it's meant to be (I'm free from that responsibility of asking).
Right now, I just thank You for opening my eyes. I do not yet know if what I have seen is what You have designed. but I am finally able to come to terms with the fact that people need God, God does not need people, but in His love hence our involvement. There must be a change, there has to be a change, there will be a change. And that change only You can bring. Whichever men You may bring, let Your will be done.
It's heart-wrenching. That kind of helplessness, when there is so much to be desired, but at the end of the day, that desire had to remain as a sore desire.
Galatians 1:10
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of God."
I am guilty how I have harvested the fears of the world- those of rejection, those of isolation, those of stigmatization. But yet that was the only way, apart from which I really do not know how. Lord, please take over. That burden of my heart, whether it being a personal calling, or a genuine concern for the fellowship, I want to commit them to You.
Lord, I pray for a spark of change- one that will propel us, one that pushes us out from our comfort zone, one that helps us to acknowledge the greater circle. Let it not be a matter of whether we are ready, but an issue of whether we have finally heard Your voice.
Isaiah 6:8
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "whom shall I send? And who will go for us?
Änd I said, "Here am I. Send me!
Lord, will You imprint those impressions on the hearts of many too? It's a cold ambiance, but You can make it warm again. Take away the obliviousness, take away the take-it-for-granted, take away segregation, take away gossips, take away criticism. take away hypocrisy, take away human judgement. Whatever that is not of You and serves only to stumble our walk with You, Lord, take it away from us!
Let this be a cry that has only stemmed from Your love. Remove any grievance that I might have and help me to adopt that concept of "What would Jesus do". Indeed Lord, teach me, what will You do?
In Jesus's name,
Amen.
Your Son,
Judah
 |
| God has not promised a smooth and easy path, but in every difficulties and struggle He will always hold our hands tight. Just as when we see only a set of footprints, it is that He has carried us through. Matthew 7:14 "But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it." |
Sunday, November 20, 2011
Testimony 2011- my life as a Christian (until now)
Perhaps I have never realised, but now I do. That You have always been working in so many areas of my life, but I was too blind to notice. Excuse* I have been too preoccupied with other things to even bother. It's been 3 years already.I always thought when I first came to You, I must have been at my hottest pursuit, but You proved me wrong again. Your works in my life is beyond what I can fathom. Many are the plans of the fools, but it's Your plan which will ultimately prevail. Amen to that!
2 years ago, I entered God family. I came across the name Judah and was fascinated (I did not know the existence of a Judas Iscariot back then, having started from Genesis) and I picked it myself. We always say we should pray in order for You to be involved, but now I say we pray in order to acknowledge Your involvement. It's really to build us up. And that name, it has been a humbling experience, to be teased and ridiculed. More so, it taught me it's the meaning of the name which we have to live up to, not the lives of the predecessors that we have to model. Anyway, I learn recently that in that 500 years of silence, a Judah came up against one of the ruling powers to keep the Jews free. So thank You for the encouragement.
Thereafter, I put myself through a season away from You. There've been moments where I seek You. Wrong* There've been moments where I thought I need You. Wrong* There've been moments when I tried You... Yes, regardless of how highly I might have verbally regarded You, on retrospect, I think I've only seen You as one of the many alternatives to help me cope with some of my life's worst experiences.
Yet, despite all those, You've always been faithful, longing for my return.
I don't know when it started. I'm now more able to come to terms with facts like I'm no longer doing as well in school after I have come to Christ. To begin with, You've been missing in all my pursuits.
Lord, I prayed for a changed heart. And I thank You for helping me cry. My previous letter talked about an anticipation, and I'm really convinced and excited about what You have in store for me. These 100 days, Lord, speak to me (and help me to listen)!
In Jesus's name I pray,
Amen
Your Son,
Judah
 |
| A longing, only You can fill <3 |
Letters to God
God works in many ways, and who says this may not just be one of them. Lead me, Lord.
 |
Dear God, I thank You for Tyler. He's been a blessing. So much pain and so much sufferings, You've put Him through a lot, but only You know how much he could take. Now that he's with You, I have only praise and thanks for You. Like what Sam had mentioned, "Tyler's life is a letter to God"". I've learnt genuineness in relationships, true caring, true love, and above all to always ask myself how would Jesus act in whatever situation that I may be put in. Right now, I just want to pray that this letter is not one that is written on impulse, but really, a spark to ignite my passion for You. To have You in all my perspectives, and to have You in every aspect of my life. It is such a wonderful thing to write letter to you, "ït's just like texting your best friend." Lord, let this not be a chore but a genuine longing for You. Indeed wherever You may be, that is the best place to seek an answer. Lord, I'm filled with so many question marks, but I trust that You'll reveal them all to me in Your own time. What have I been doing with my life? Lord, I pray for You to take over. Yes Lord, I offer my life to You. And wherever it may be, where Your voice is not heard, let me speak of Your goodness; where Your presence is not felt, let Your love flow through me. It's a long process, sometimes too difficult to sustain, but Lord, like Tyler, I trust that You would not put me through more than what I can take. Wherever You may place me, Lord, just change me, so that I can be more like You. Change me, so that people see You through me. Change me, so that I can forget about whatever self-gratification thoughts that I may have in my mind. Today's the special 98, and this 100 days, I'm beginning to believe that You're gonna do something wonderful through it all. In Jesus's name, Amen! In bountiful love, Your child, Judah<3 |
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