88- trudging throughout the seasons

Daddy,
It happened again. I spent the entire day cooping myself up in this apartment which has been my home for 20 odd years, very much due to the much overdue exam preparation for tomorrow's not one, but two papers. It was the same distracted self, the usual sleep-deprived me. But at least now I am yearning to write to You. Yes Father, thank You for calling out to me and pulling me to You! 
It has only been a little while, not much longer than the yesteryear since Serve ended, before I entered army. All along I thought that was the trigger- an ego-smashing experience, together with the discomfort from an unfriendly environment. That was perhaps one of those irrational compelling factors for me to signed above those lines. 
But today I seemed to have a bit of revelation. It had started way before that. Sometimes we have the tendency to oversimplify concepts, The idea of seasonal life-phases depicts beautiful scenic imageries of each episodes, but my limited capacities always mean that I would frequent the mistakes of disjoint. Even in the nature world, the trees are only able to survive the chill of winter because they would shed their leaves in the Autumn. Yet the transitions were so frequently overlooked, and the attributions almost non-existent.
3 years back when I was 17, major occurrences already laid the way. I had not entered this Family back then, so if this has been intended, that I have to go through these roads to be where I am now, and if this is Your plan and Your design for my life, Lord, help me to carry on. I think I am feeling the exhaustion; I feel that I am slipping into the habits of irresponsibilities, procrastinations, indecisiveness, hypocrisy, and even inconsistencies. You are the God of excellence, so Lord, help me and inspire me with Your goodness to help me get by this dread.
Daddy, I am desperate!
In Christ's name,
Amen!

Your child,

Judah

Sunshine. downpour;
a year in four.
Trudging through for fish and loaves;
Reigning throughout Your Agape love!

Ecclesiastes 3:1
"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven"