God's goodness in everyday life (little testimony)

Today we had a tutorial on the sociology of religion, and many of the discussion questions were centered upon Christianity, especially with reference to the recent crusade incident. 

Today, one of my Christian friends crashed the tutorial, and together with this other guy from crusade, we were being split into the 3 corners in the class in different discussion groups (I believe it's God's divine design). I don't know about the other groups but I firmly believe that all had been fruitful. When it's time for sharing, there were many instances where Christianity in particular was being persecuted, how the adoption of terms such as armor, crusade connote a notion of aggressiveness in the advertisement/packaging in religion competition (as had been phrased). 

I just want to thank God for the courage that the three of us had been able to stand up for our faith, to clear misconception and clarify misjudgment non-believers have of us. It's a very fruitful discussion, and the lecturer even acknowledged some of our points.

It feels really good, and for the first time, I feel proud about my identity in Christ, and how we have been able to correct in peace. 

My friend shared that for the first time, she caught a glimpse of how being persecuted feels like (rephrased*), and if it's really that, I think I caught a glimpse of how James rejoice in his sufferings, and how Paul consider it a privilege to suffer for Christ! ♥

Final

I feel small. 生命中的一百万件事，其中就被那么一件挫败。 打倒的心情不好受，一种莫名的渺小， 曰：‘恐惧’。 毛毛的感觉，害怕历史的重演；另一方面，则忙着把碎裂的缺空铺上。生命陷入无前例的混乱， I was lost...

Some years of recovery, 别人笑我傻。意味的纠缠，嘴上是说放下了，但是心中的痛楚又有谁可以明白？ 像根斩不断的荆，悄悄的，穗穗的，回忆偶尔的浮现折腾得我好累。

I am so tired. 直到哪一天，我终于能随心畅谈的时候，或许就是时候放手了吧。

I had a dream sometime back- It was not at all pleasant. Perhaps a certain part in me had still been clinging to an unrealistic hope, but it's time to let go. I saw the dream, I felt the pain. 慌了的心，手忙脚乱，只想快快告知。然而，梦不以为然。helpless, 只好默默接受。 The doll that floated away- Affinity or Destiny alike, 全都属于过去。

崭新的开始，虔心的祷告，周五之会，I will be able to say it out. 或许这么长的一段时间早已让感情淡去，我也搞不清执着为什么。But within me, unless I say it out; 除非我你面对面。或许会很痛... 也许我们别无选择... 咬紧牙根，may the strength of our faithful Daddy sustain me and see me through.

以耶稣之圣名，阿门！

A warrior for the Word

Daddy,

I dislike coming to You just to present only my requests, so Lord, I just want to come to You today to spend time with You. There has been so much that had been going on despite the perceivably easy week, but I am just glad that I have yet come through another week by Your strength. 

This week I have been rather active in prayer, and I'm sure Your mail box must be full now if my mails have been delivered. I mean, if each request had been transcribed and mailed to Heavens... That's a lot of letters to go, but Lord I am just thankful for You to be willing to continually receive and read my petition to You, senseless or not. 

Daddy, how does it hurt when I have no relationship with a stranger. Teach me Your ways and I pray for You to give me Your compassion, that I may feel and understand Your heart. It's a delicate quest, a meek one, but Lord, also a pleasing one in Your sight. Help me Lord, and as I come to You each day, be it through the Word, or through prayers, lamentations, complaints, I just want to pray for You to help me establish a basis for all these in Your love, for there can be many gifts under the sky, but without love they count for nothing (rephrased from Your Word). Teach me and mould me Lord!

In Christ's most precious name I pray,

Amen!

Your child,

Judah

Lonely night, the barn's door creaked,
stealthy feet, darting eyes caught a peek.
onto the haystack I lay my butt,
a peace in the silence, the comfort who can rebut?
my Holy place, Your secret place;
the time spent in Your presence;
likened to a life's precious fragrance.

Proverbs 3:24
"When you lie down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down; your sleep will be sweet."

Too mature

Daddy,
When age catches up with time, it feels as though I have lived a great deal of time. Words like 'moment' become loaded with emotions, and the evasive 'feel' takes over as a big part of the experience. I remain skeptical, and remain cautious about making too much out of this- for a roaring tiger lurks in its schemes and the deceitful heart waits to make its pounce. 
Daddy, I don't know if I have been thinking too much, but if true joy comes from only You and You alone, and knowing too much somehow seems to reduce the amount of joy in me, does that justify the saying that 'ignorance is indeed bliss'? 
This week is a restful week, well supposedly so, and I really look to a proper rest. Daddy, I always seem to be inching along the thin line before exhaustion, but Lord I pray for You to take me far from it. Help me to discover that source that You have promised!
Daddy, I also want to pray for my cell. I thank You for the ernest hearts and whatever excitement that looms amongst us for we know of a promise and of a hope You have for us. So Lord, I just want to commit my sheep into Your hands- Ryan, Benjamin, Keith, Elinor, and Joseph. Lord, I pray for You to reveal and show Your purpose to us, and help us to pace after the steps that You have taken before us!
As for the leader's cell Lord, I wanna commit it into Your hands too, and I pray for You to help us to look beyond ourselves, but really to look to You. Take us from where we are and guard us from all lies, that we may truly grow in Your Word and not depart from it, and indeed be able to impart that knowledge in You to our sheep.
Finally Lord, I pray for Charm. I really want to thank You for her heart, her willingness to serve You. You have seen her go through many, and You have helped her grow much. So Lord, as she prepares and awaits in anticipation and excitement for a journey with You, Lord, I pray for You to guard her heart and keep her close. Lord, I do not know the best blessings, but in Your abundance, You will provide and lavish unto her unconditionally. For as long as she stays close to You, the evil one will not be able to come close, so indeed Lord, I just pray for Your presence to be with her throughout, that You will cast Your protection over her and really make this an eye opening experience to not only allow her to witness Your wonders, but to have an intimate encounter with You. Speak to her daily, and let that conversation with You be a source of her strength to face each day. Lord, I pray for Your anointing upon this team, that indeed Your love will overflow in their lives, and into their lives, that they will be richly blessed in Your divine ways. Daddy, I pray for You to really keep her close to You and to continually speak to her and guide her onto the paths You have designed and help her to sense You and grant her an obedience that Your goodness will entail!
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!

Your child,

Judah

Time is in His hands;
when the bell rings for me to enter His promised land.
Fast it may have felt; slow now that it seems;
A long time through life's struggles; a blink the joyous moments flit.
Turning old, I give thanks for each God-given new day;
Awaiting the ring of the bell, in full anticipation of a return home.

Romans 16: 19
"Everyone has heard about your obedience,
so I am full of joy over you;
but I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil."

Daddy,
What does it mean to be have a prophecy spoken upon. I read somewhere that unless a prophecy serves to encourage or build each other up, do not speak about them, but if everything that have been said were all good, are there no bad things possible? I really wonder, and I pray for You to guide me and teach me as I ponder and work to grow in faith.
I like how Aunty Steph put it- that a prophecy remains a prophecy, and we are an active participant with the will to choose to claim it or ignore it. I want to claim it, whatever has been said of me, Lord, I want to claim it, and pray for Your strength to help me claim the gifts You have prepared for me.
As the big white opened empty box comes floating down the stream, help me to fill up with Godly things that will draw me closer to You, and help me to play a bigger role in serving You.

If I am a leader, if I am a transparent leader, if I am a strong transparent leader, if I am a strong transparent leader like Caleb who will carry someone on my shoulders, if I am a strong transparent leader like Caleb who will carry someone on my shoulders and make bold claims to claim the mountains; 

If I am a really cool sword, a recoiled arrow, if I am a strong energetic bull, if what I did need no justification from men; if all these discomfort is to prepare me, if I indeed do possess the duality of characters; if indeed You are pleased with me;

If I am righteous and just, if I am a speaker of peace, if one day I am indeed gonna speak and heal the blind and lame; if indeed these much capacity, these white empty big box are Yours for me to fill, Lord, I want to claim all these in Your mighty names.

Help me to stay on track and stay in tune with You, and let not me have a day of spiritual lapse. I continually seek for Your guidance and Your teaching, and I earnestly seek to follow You. 

In Jesus's most precious name I pray,

Amen!

Your child,

Judah

I do, a promise sealed;
And so, life's tape reeled.
Day by day, Your glory puts me in an awesome wonder;
May I pray, the conversation that brings Your delight and pleasure!

Joshua 1: 8
"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth;
meditate on it day and night,
so that you may be careful to do everything in it.
Then you will be prosperous and successful."

It will always be 'yours' 

until you stop asking why (y) 

and it will become ours!

Love

We love Him, a love of God;
We love ourselves, a love from God;
We love others, a love through God.
The Father's closeness, a resounding heartbeat;
A goodness I call "bless", the pursuit of a spiritual feat!

Mark 10: 15
"I tell you the truth, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like
a little child
will never enter it."

Peek*

Daddy, 
As I shared about my take on childlike faith, as I seek to draw nearer to You, I pray for a molding of my heart. Help me to be more like You and let me not run in a direction I have taken on my own accord, but help me to look out and run after the path that You have taken. Sometimes it is really difficult, so Lord, I just want to pray for You to help me to continue to be like You even in the difficult times. 
Daddy, I thank You for the affirmation. How You have told me of Your pleasure in me through 3 different people on 3 different occasions. Daddy, I thank You for acknowledging and affirming my efforts to serve You, and I continue to seek to obey You, and trust that regardless of my own abilities, my own limited resources, I continue to hold a hope in You. That the childlike faith will help to sustain that yearning within me to play a part and make a contribution in Your big plans! Lord, I also want to pray for You to continue to stir my heart and help me to continue to long for You and to continue to help me tear down the barrier so that I can really run to You freely and comfortably!
Daddy, I thank You for today, thank You for the blessings and the revelation that Your people had bestowed upon us in Your Son's name! Daddy, thank You for the transformation through the past few years, and I just want to pray for You to continue to work through me and help me to become what You have designed for me to be. Indeed sometimes it might be difficult and tough to be like You, and at times it is just so easy to take the easy way out, but Daddy, I trust in Your character and hope in Your promise that You will bring to fruition the plans Your have designed. That regardless of how strange or how unusual the ministry is, Daddy, You will keep it and uphold it for it is indeed from You. So Lord, I pray for You to channel the enthusiasm and the energy into serving You, that as You continue to mold me and shape me, Lord all good things will point to the glory of Your works and not myself! 
Lord, I thank You for the big white empty box that You have given me and the sampan that You have revealed, and I pray for even more revelation, that things that we may not see, You will make it clearer before our spiritual eyes! I pray for Your anointing to be upon each and everyone of us, that indeed I just want to speak of a breakthrough in All Saints English church, that each of us will grow in leaps and bounds our relationship with You, and the entire atmosphere of the church will just be elevated to a new level! 
Finally, I want to give You thanks for the good works that You have done indeed, how You have cleared the sky upon our prayer, and how You have shown us a tip of Your majesty through the showing of stars and moon! We thank You for the wonderful time, and pray that You will continue to watch over us, and walk by us!
Now, I want to pray for myself, that whatever You give to me Lord, help me to receive it with Your joy and help me to move myself out from the focus, so that I will be less defensive, and that I will only speak of encouragement and not undermine. It is difficult but Daddy, I trust that You will provide. As for Tanjong Pinang, Daddy, I pray for Your revelation and Your guidance on how certain things ought to be done!
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!

Your child,

Judah

It cannot be, I must have heard wrong;
man's logic clouded the Daddy's speech.
I am afraid; "my child, fear not!"
For God can do more through our mistakes than through our desperate attempt to validate His voice.
A peek into the future, prophecy they call;
I seek for Your pleasure, mercy and all.

Joshua 1: 8
"Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night,
so that you may be careful to do everything written in it.
Then you will be prosperous and successful."

Refinery

Daddy,
I really ought to be ashamed. It's uncharacteristic of me, nowhere near that of a month's back. Plenty of what I have been afraid of- complacency, drift, sins. Daddy, You see me. I don't know how things are going around/by/past me, but You have the big picture. And I just wanna continue to trust in You. Whatever rest that I need, Lord, I want to remind myself that true rest is only found in You! So Lord, sustain me.
I want to recommit myself again. I thank You for the discipline and the keenness to read Your words, and even more so to step up to serve You, but keep my eyes on You and keep me from all other distractions. For there is a season for everything indeed, and let me not rush through life events without heeding the plans You have already designed for me. Daddy, You see my iniquities. I always struggle, and I am weak. You said no one can have two masters, but I always linger and jump between one and the other. Daddy, I know You have already forgiven me, but Lord will You just take away the guilt, that I may serve You in the fullness of joy. Grant me Your strength to withstand these temptations, and Lord, help me. This reliance on You and this obedience in You. If obedience has a 'die' in it, and die has an 'I' in it, Lord, help me to die to myself everyday, and look to You in humility and purity. Unless the house is built unto You, the builders labor in vain, so Lord, I pray for You to be in every decisions and actions that I make. 
Daddy, can I also lift up some other prayers to You as well. I've made several new friends recently, and I just wanna commit each of them to You in prayer, and trust that You will watch over them and keep them. These are Your people, and I pray for meaningful friendships to develop, and that they will be centered in You. Daddy, there are so many transitions in life, and this is just one of the many, and I just want to thank You so much for the hearts and the desires. Those cravings and hunger that I sense, that each of them yearn for You so much. So Daddy, I pray for a divine encounter, a revelation that will blow them away, that indeed, they will be so encouraged by You that they will proclaim Your goodness ever so loudly and earnestly! As each of them seek to serve You, to trust You, to learn about You, to know You, to understand You, to obey You, Daddy, I commit KM, JN, KE, BN, NL, EG and myself into Your big hands, and acknowledge that all these can only be done by and through Your grace. Daddy, I pray for a Holy discontent to stir within our hearts, that indeed, any void would only serve to push us more towards You each time! 
And as for works, Daddy, I pray for an impression about Your choice, someone who would serve You wholeheartedly and someone who will bless Your name! 
All these I give You thanks and yet may Your will and not ours be done!
In the Son's most mighty and glorious name I pray,
Amen!

Your child,

Judah

Frustration boils within;
a mindless child as unfaithful as he has been.
Despite the eternal love, the unworthy grace from above;
To and fro he trudges along the grey.
Guilt-stricken, Daddy's mouth by my ear, He gently says,
"It's all right my child.
Babies fall, cattle stumbles, even the eagles that soar began with a struggle.
But throughout the process, the Father stays close"
the Father's heart, the old saying goes;
etched upon my heart; a joy I would gladly let known!

Malachi 3: 3
"He will sit as a refiner and purifier of silver;
He will purify the Levites and refine them like gold and silver.
Then the Lord will have men who will bring offerings in righteousness."

Holy discontent

Daddy, 
I quietly lift the veil that hides You from me, only to realize that I have always been the one who had let the veil down. Your desire for me to run to You, Lord, is so great! There may have been moments where I question and ask, those moments when I doubt, Lord, You have looked beyond all these and kept Your eyes on me.
Right now, I do not know where I stand, even that heart that always waver and shake, Lord, You have kept me close, and I am just so thankful! This season of closeness and intimacy, Lord, let it not be a cause for complacency, but maintain that Holy discontent within me! Each day, I look to You, to hear You, to see You, and to find You, but Lord let those not become routined motions to go through. Sustain that yearning within me, and help me to always exclaim a blessing to Your name! 
Lord, I thank You for those insights! Sometimes, my disbelief and logic create a barrier. But on hindsight now, I just wanna give You praise and thanks, and acknowledge that these are indeed from You.
I wanna remember Schultz's saying about You being able to do more with our mistakes than with our own efforts to obey You. All these point to a reliance on You, and a huge trust in Daddy! So Daddy, I pray for You to help my disbelief! Help me to keep my eyes fixed on You.
Also, Daddy, as I began to avail myself more and more, I trust in Your provision that indeed You will help to meet whatever's required in accomplishing the works. Give me the rest that I can only find in You, and help me to manage the things at hands, that indeed all these will come together for the good of those who loves You! Unless we rely on You, we can do nothing; and unless the house is built in You, the builders labor in vain. So I commit all these works into Your mighty and powerful hands! Thank You Daddy in Christ's name!

Your child,

Judah

A swing of the shovel;
a glance I look over.
soil splatters; heart shatters.
the scar of the hurt stays beyond the years gone by;
the scar in Your palm, ways which point to a love I would gladly rely.


Psalm 127: 1
"Unless the LORD builds the house, its builders labor in vain.
Unless the LORD watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain."

Love-busking

Daddy,
You must have seen me, seen how deep I have sunken. It was so difficult that past few days- full of angst. I tried to reason, to reflect, and to even confront, but all to little avail. It was so discouraging, to see how hard works not paying off, to be at the wits and not knowing what to do. But I assume You saw me, I assume You hear me. I mean You must have! How else would whatever happened had happened? You must have seen the void in my heart, and beyond that a need for Your divine touch.
I still have yet to get what I want but the little provisions just reminded me. They pointed me toward You. How the train had wanted for me as I paced from afar towards it, not intending to catch it before it leaves. That happened not once, but twice! The test today, even that presentation, both of which I had been skeptical and fearful about from the aftermath of some huge disappointments. You wanted to heal me, didn't You? As I cried out to You, You saw me, haven't You? That's why all these came. Even that jam-packed Saturday in March when I was lost as to what to do, You planned it out nicely for me already.
It's so sweet to have You in these little areas in life, and I really appreciate these sweet gestures. Especially today, I felt such joy! Not the joy of being able (I have kind of come to terms that I am not), neither was it a joy of pride (even if I do well for this paper, it's as though it went beyond myself), but a joy that You cared (my Daddy heard me!). Thank You Father!
As I came back in triumphant today, I just want to life a few things up into prayer. First, I want to pray for F as she prepares to go for her study trip. I thank You for the conversation I had with her and thank You definitely for the transformation in her. May You continue to guide and speak to her and make her a pleasing child of Yours!
I also want to pray for Mich from my biopsych tutorial group. I don't know her, except that I got to talk to her a little during today's presentation. But I just wanna pray for her that indeed Lord, You will guard her and guide her. That life she has in You, O Lord, help her retrieve it. May Your prowess fall upon her and give her an encounter with You Lord!
Tomorrow is prayer and praise, and Lord, I just pray for Your presence to be with us tomorrow! Lead us and guide us in the meeting and help us to really look to You for guidance and providence that all things will indeed fall into place for the establishment of Your wonderful works!
Finally Lord, I just wanna pray for myself. Guard my heart with rounds and rounds, layers and layers of Your righteousness that I would be able to resist any kind of worldly temptation, and always look to You in pursuit of Your holiness! Lord, give me also a discerning ear that I may hear You in Your still small voice or recognize when You speak, so that I will know of Your wonders and greatness, and of Your plans for my life. Show me where You want me to head in, O Lord!
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!

Your child,

Judah

Child's dream; the baby beams.
How far we've come?
World in greyscale; that can't be real.
A hope in the Lord, my faith a ford.

Psalm 34: 17
"The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
He delivers them from all their troubles."