Complaint

Because I will be away for a short while, because I do not want to take tomorrow for a matter-of-course and rule out the possibility that I might not return, I am going to write. 

Right now, I am in a state of huge displeasure and deep dissatisfaction. I used to look forward to going to church, but now I dreaded stepping into the fellowship. Somewhere within a voice cries out "hypocrites"! My eyes couldn't look beyond the disgust. I recognize the personal angst involved, I even recognize the ungodly bitterness that is consuming me from within, yet I am unwilling... Some degree of hurt, on top of that a huge sense of injustice. I reject self-victimization, but in this case I cannot help but to look upon myself as one of those...

Today, he came and he spoke. I was becoming skeptical, even of him. But as convicting as he was some 5 years ago, his message today rang a bell, again. It is my prayer that the whole community heard it not just with our ears nor minds, but with our hearts. 

It is situation like this that spurs one into desperation. Never in my life have I felt as helpless and clueless; never in my life have I asked so many "whys" and "hows". Yet, the same strain of light within is what kept me here, still standing. I might be complaining a lot, and might even seem ungrateful, but hey I am still standing. Surely, that took quite a bit off me already. 

My prayer is this:

1. For my church to come to a point of missions-mindedness that prompts us to look beyond what we have/are.

2. For my church to, as one family, give out of the little we have (wealth and money).

3. For my church to come into the supreme awareness of what our God is doing in our midst, and in the world.

4. For my church to walk in such synchronization with God that we don't just seek to do His will, but we take care of His possessions, and pray for His people as well. When Iraq is at war, when people are suffering, help us to be serious and broken for His people.

5. For my peers to breakout from spiritual comfort zone, and move into a deeper and more intimate understanding of God and His works.

6. For my leaders to heed God's prompting and move only where He wants us to move.

7. For the culture in my church to be righted to encourage healthy confrontations and rapid spiritual growth. 

8. For a revival of faith and relationship like Nineveh's such that even after many generations, we continue to live through the convictions.

9. For Godly men to step up and become role models for the younger men, and leaders to the church.

10. For genuine humility, reliance, and obedience to God. 

I feel a drastic misfit, but I will stick by. When I'm at my wits, it's Your turn to show Your might.  

Boom

1 day on from a major milestone in our nation's history, a phenomenal effort that spent big bucks and thousands of man hours in preparation, the age-old national day songs of the 90s continue to linger in the air. Streets continue to be littered with patches of red and white, and the national flags continue to fly high, and proudly, in the housing estates. This is our 49th birthday. Having come thus far, being a fortunate generation to witness the fruits of our forefathers' sweat and blood, the whole nation shouts patriotism. The unfamiliar tunes of loyalty ring in our ears as all the bad presses from the past 1 year suddenly got swept beneath the carpet, overnight...

As the clock struck 9, and the day's programs builds up to the grand finale, streams of magnificent lights shot up into the sky. They defied gravity, they even defied norm- in a momentary instant, the famed Singapore skyline glared brilliantly, revealing the prosperity of the nation. Roaring businesses, established names, first-class infrastructures, luxurious designs, all these point toward a roaring success Singapore has achieved as a nation. Boom... boom... boom... boom... Red and blue stars added a shade of artificial beauty into the backdrop, yet at the same time hinted at an ambitious, and perhaps arrogant, intent to paint nature's portrait however we wanted it. 

Boom... boom... boom... boom... The same night, at about the same time, somewhere further west on the longitude, the synchronized ignition of explosives was about as far as the similarity stretched. Here in Iraq, what we hear about is the committing of daily atrocities- beheading of civilians, massacres of children, raping of women, enslaving of teenagers, starving of the old, running over of cities. Howls of destitute bellow through the otherwise dead night, both in metaphorical and literal sense. Isolation meant that help was either not forthcoming or has been denied. A huge part of the world continued to ponder, to think, to consider, and to even weigh. Recent war memories rendered even the big brother apprehensive about coming to the rescue of the Iraqi people. "The United States cannot and should not intervene every time there's a crisis in the world" about summed up the stance. A partial authorized air strike did little to bolster Iraqi and Kurdish forces when both stood helpless in withstanding against the Islamic State (ISIS) militant group when cities were being overrun (article). Today at this moment, even as I am writing this, thousands continue to live in fears. Genocide! One of the Iraqi MPs cried out in plea for intervention from the Parliament. This is a desperate situation. This is not just a religious war, the kind of hatred is unfounded. One video captured the decapitation of a Christian man- he was made to renounce his faith. He did. His executor spared him from the bullets and he explained that this is an act of mercy. Then he ordered for him to be beheaded, nevertheless. 

Hundreds of videos have been circulated since, and thousands of articles have been spread. Social media played a big part, with some changing their profile picture to the hebrew letter "N", which has been used as a symbol by the ISIS to identify the Nazarenes, more commonly known as the Christians, for persecution. This was an initiative started by the English church as an expression of solidarity, and it pretty much hinted at the helplessness of the general public. What can we do, like seriously; how can we contribute in tangible ways in light of all these atrocities. As the author put it in his article, "the trouble of standing in solidarity however, is that when it's done from being a laptop screen in a cosy branch of Costa Coffee, it achieves pretty much nothing."

In this side of the world, we celebrate our home, but that is their home too. Wilberforce famously said this, "you may choose to look the other way but you can never say again that you did not know", while Edmund Burke also challenged that "the only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." Brothers and sisters, let us remember, let us stand together, let us rise up. My friends and I are going to be fasting and praying to intercede for their deliverance. Do join us in hearts, souls and minds. 

  我叫忠伟，新加坡华裔，没有专长。普通邻家男孩。今年二十有三，无数次搞叛逆，无数次搞得半桶水。我不突出，尝试博出位也没有成功过。唯有心中的一丁点儿微光让我能够撑下去。好不容易。。。 实际上其实很痛苦。
  那丁点儿微光来自一个信仰。六年前的一次抢救行动令我重获新生。主的恩典替我洗涤，可是六年却没有因为恩典的记号而变得比较通顺。因为一次的觉醒而发现自己的格格不入，恩典时而感觉变成了负担。一心的想逃，一心的想要离开，除了在主里面同一的那道光，我别无期盼。
  好累，我真的好累。生命的许多不悦形成了一堵叠着一堵的墙。前途本平坦易走，如今却像是田径赛跑一样－－ 每跳过一关，阻力便顺势添加。
  我实不想继续。只要让我找到漏洞或缺口，我保证定在瞬间消失。。。
  然而，希望不仅在于片面之谈。现实常常事与愿违。单面且一厢情愿的执着换来的最终只是一张张无奈而挣扎的苦颜。所谓 “神的用意” 令我不禁愤怒。。。
  我们把希望全权投入数年后的转首回顾，但如果我们真心实在地盼着，信着，把持着， 所谓 “用意” 何在？那还重要吗？
  心理学拟为 “justification”。含义在于世人都不喜欢吃亏，尤其是大亏。所以若我们别无选择，非吃亏不可，潜意识中我们心里是会自行启动，为这样的一个结找出个解法。这样的适应帮助一代接着一代度过了许多的难关－－ 屠杀，浩劫，奸，杀，歹，虐。。。


待续。。。

The Uriah Story (Narrative)

I don't think I deserve any of these. Tomorrow, I will be leaving already. My lord has made his decree. I'm thankful for his faith in me. For 30 years, we have fought shoulders to shoulders. He's been a marvelous leader, and God always made a way when there seemed to be none. This mission, this particular one looks daunting. I don't see how I would be able to return. But I didn't think I would be able to return in any of the previous expeditions, did I? I should be fine. 
I wonder why he sent for my return. My brothers are fighting on the frontline, risking their lives for the nation. With each passing moments, I'm feeling the tug within my heart. I should be with them. Home seems too peaceful to me when war horns and horse hooves were ringing on the outside of the wall. My lord ordered for me to rest, to return to my wife, but how could I? I shall wait it out- even if I'm not there physically with my brothers, I will share in their sufferings, I will be with them in the spirit. When we return with victory, then all these enjoyments can come. That wouldn't be too late. That is exactly what I was going to do. But words came this morning. Suddenly he got me to the frontline. In fact, he got me to be in front of the frontline. Things haven't looked good there, but if he insists, then I would go. My king whom I serve, my king whom I chose to follow. 30 years of dedication, even if he were to ask me to draw my blood, I would. My allegiance is toward him...

2 Samuel 11:6-21