Complaint

Because I will be away for a short while, because I do not want to take tomorrow for a matter-of-course and rule out the possibility that I might not return, I am going to write. 

Right now, I am in a state of huge displeasure and deep dissatisfaction. I used to look forward to going to church, but now I dreaded stepping into the fellowship. Somewhere within a voice cries out "hypocrites"! My eyes couldn't look beyond the disgust. I recognize the personal angst involved, I even recognize the ungodly bitterness that is consuming me from within, yet I am unwilling... Some degree of hurt, on top of that a huge sense of injustice. I reject self-victimization, but in this case I cannot help but to look upon myself as one of those...

Today, he came and he spoke. I was becoming skeptical, even of him. But as convicting as he was some 5 years ago, his message today rang a bell, again. It is my prayer that the whole community heard it not just with our ears nor minds, but with our hearts. 

It is situation like this that spurs one into desperation. Never in my life have I felt as helpless and clueless; never in my life have I asked so many "whys" and "hows". Yet, the same strain of light within is what kept me here, still standing. I might be complaining a lot, and might even seem ungrateful, but hey I am still standing. Surely, that took quite a bit off me already. 

My prayer is this:

1. For my church to come to a point of missions-mindedness that prompts us to look beyond what we have/are.

2. For my church to, as one family, give out of the little we have (wealth and money).

3. For my church to come into the supreme awareness of what our God is doing in our midst, and in the world.

4. For my church to walk in such synchronization with God that we don't just seek to do His will, but we take care of His possessions, and pray for His people as well. When Iraq is at war, when people are suffering, help us to be serious and broken for His people.

5. For my peers to breakout from spiritual comfort zone, and move into a deeper and more intimate understanding of God and His works.

6. For my leaders to heed God's prompting and move only where He wants us to move.

7. For the culture in my church to be righted to encourage healthy confrontations and rapid spiritual growth. 

8. For a revival of faith and relationship like Nineveh's such that even after many generations, we continue to live through the convictions.

9. For Godly men to step up and become role models for the younger men, and leaders to the church.

10. For genuine humility, reliance, and obedience to God. 

I feel a drastic misfit, but I will stick by. When I'm at my wits, it's Your turn to show Your might.