96- At a loss

God hath not promised skys always blue

Dear Lord,
It's a radical change. How I respond, how I behave, how I believe, I'm feeling the transformation from within and they have to be credited to You. I pray for You to continue working in these ways, and even so may Your plan be done on earth as it is in Heaven.
Abba Father, at this point in time, I am feeling so grey. 3 years of involvement to witness what it actually has been liked. It's funny how I have felt comfortable and settled, and even when I made the decision to leave 2 years ago, how I had eventually decided against it and was convinced that I still had a part to play. Despite such conviction, it had not been strong enough to propel me to seek and ask. Wrong* I have never seen the need to ask and took it for granted that You'll show me if it's meant to be (I'm free from that responsibility of asking).
Right now, I just thank You for opening my eyes. I do not yet know if what I have seen is what You have designed. but I am finally able to come to terms with the fact that people need God, God does not need people, but in His love hence our involvement. There must be a change, there has to be a change, there will be a change. And that change only You can bring. Whichever men You may bring, let Your will be done.
It's heart-wrenching. That kind of helplessness, when there is so much to be desired, but at the end of the day, that desire had to remain as a sore desire.


Galatians 1:10
"Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of God."


I am guilty how I have harvested the fears of the world- those of rejection, those of isolation, those of stigmatization. But yet that was the only way, apart from which I really do not know how. Lord, please take over. That burden of my heart, whether it being a personal calling, or a genuine concern for the fellowship, I want to commit them to You.
Lord, I pray for a spark of change- one that will propel us, one that pushes us out from our comfort zone, one that helps us to acknowledge the greater circle. Let it not be a matter of whether we are ready, but an issue of whether we have finally heard Your voice.


Isaiah 6:8
Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying, "whom shall I send? And who will go for us?
Änd I said, "Here am I. Send me!


Lord, will You imprint those impressions on the hearts of many too? It's a cold ambiance, but You can make it warm again. Take away the obliviousness, take away the take-it-for-granted, take away segregation, take away gossips, take away criticism. take away hypocrisy, take away human judgement. Whatever that is not of You and serves only to stumble our walk with You, Lord, take it away from us!
Let this be a cry that has only stemmed from Your love. Remove any grievance that I might have and help me to adopt that concept of "What would Jesus do". Indeed Lord, teach me, what will You do?
In Jesus's name,
Amen.

Your Son,

Judah

God has not promised a smooth and easy path,
but in every difficulties and struggle He will always hold our hands tight.
Just as when we see only a set of footprints,
it is that He has carried us through.

Matthew 7:14
"But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it."