71- Decelerator

Daddy,

It's been a very long while. 1 week, the equivalence to the amount of time I spent onboard ship. Little snippets that reminded me of You, yet the determination was never strong enough to draw me back to You. I have chosen to stay away, sacrificing the time with You for selfish reasons. Guilt continues to evade me, but I really hope I'd be drawn back to You. Daddy, I am weak, and as long as I am by myself, I will never succeed in this difficult walk. Make Your presence felt, help me look to You, and notice You in every aspect of my life.

It's been an even longer while since I last had a proper holidays - maybe a good 5 to 6 years. Suddenly, there seems to be a decelerator in place; suddenly pockets of time are being freed for moments of doing nothing; suddenly I'm beginning to spend more time with the first few important people in my life; suddenly the craze of this crazy traffic eases out. The leave came at the right time, and I am glad and thankful for it. 

On a personal note, I think I am becoming very critical of my close friends. Moments when random people suddenly popped by to drop a message or two were sweet and enjoyable, others when I was alone I would just like to enjoy the serenity. If anything, it's the 71st, a good 10 days since the last. 

Christmas season gives me the reason to not overload my December due to the spread of events that scatter across the festive month. This is the first proper Christmas since... Ah well, I guess it's just like why DQ left Poiema for a sabbatical- enough of hosting, enough of organizing, enough of initiating- right now, I just want to enjoy the break, to take up the position of a participant and have my fair share of the fun. Hopefully it's not too much to ask.

I secretly notice a silent evolution in me. At the 90 plus I mentioned about a conviction that You will do something special within this 100 days. Now at the 70 plus, I'm handing back the stewardship to You- whatever You say, wherever You command, I will do.

Your child,

Judah

Every moment I spent in Your presence,
The peace, the joy, my life's essence.
All else matter no more,
Incomparable to the weight You have bore.

Isaiah 55:12
"You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees will clap their hands."