25- one step closer

Daddy,
2 books of Chronicles, shared between them centuries of Your goodness. I felt a striking resemblance. With the church, with my own personal life, with my relationship with You. It is mind-blowing how You have made that kind of covenant that always allowed Your stray kids to turn back to You. So many occasions we have tasted Your goodness, but in this sinful self we always deviated. From a reader's point of view, the kings seemed narrow and foolish, to not recognize that You have been, are and will be the Only Way; yet as I dwell deeper and drew the connections that I share with them, I realize that indeed apart from You I really cannot do much. It is the constant reliance on You that draws us near to You. Pride pries us away from You; denial erects a partition; temptation blurs the vision; stubbornness deafens the ears. What a reminder for us to remain faithful, a warning for us to not take things into our own hands, a promise that You are in every part of what is going to happen.
Daddy, I thank You for the group that I am in. The fellowship and the experience I thank You for them! Just as the thorn continues to prick within me, I pray for Your deliverance. Grant me Your peace and guide me in all my doings. Speak to me as You would to David, so that my head will always be orientated to Your presence. May Your voice be the steering force within me, and help me fulfill the task You have for me. Lord, I trust that You are the One who is always in control and I trust in Your promises in Jeremiah 29: 11 that You know the plans Your have for us, plans to prosper us and not to harm us, plans to give you a hope and a future. So Lord, I claim that promise and speak that of the cell that You have entrusted into my hands. That indeed You have a good plan for each and everyone of them, that through me You will bless them, that You will utilize me mightily to demonstrate Your prowess, Your love, and Your goodness in their lives. Lord, I pray for Benjamin, Ryan and Eleanor, that as they stand on the starting point of this long race, You will have their eyes fixated on 2 Timothy 4: 7. Help them to always look to You. Lord, mould them from within and may Your gentleness be upon them as they learn Your ways, to be more like You each day.
Lord, I also wanna pray for Timothy and Keith that You will continue to keep them as they continue to seek You. Lord, You are the King and Master of our lives, so Lord, I pray for You to continue to speak to them. They know what You have done, so Lord, I pray for You to work in their hearts. Bless them richly through Your faithfulness and bring them close to You always.
Lord, I pray for Joseph that as we arrive at this cross-road in our lives, that You will keep us and help us. May You strengthen this relationship between us, and may it be established ever more strongly with You as its centre. Lord, I pray for humility. Humble our hearts so that we will learn from each other, and may You grant us the gentleness and sensitivity. Help us to consider others better than ourselves and continue to strive to become more like You in every way!
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!

Your child,

Judah

A Savior King,
abandoned His throne to go through physical sting.
What great love He showed;
for our sake He endured.
So that today He can assure that He understands,
the pain and sorrow He withstands.

Philippians 2: 3
"Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves."
John 17: 4
"I have brought You glory on earth by completing the work You gave me to do."

27-what?

Daddy,
Last Sunday's sermon talked about mana, and when translated it literally means what. With "what" You've fed Your people for over 40 years, and right now I think I'm stuffed with too much "what". Doubt kills faith, and when I asked if You are there, does that mean my faith is dying? I certainly hope not. 
The book mentioned about Your faithfulness, that I have been holding meaningful and wonderful conversations with You despite my ignorance because You hear us even before we open our mouth. Well, that's biblical, but I guess it's difficult to be genuinely convinced. I, for one, am still struggling.
Lord, I thank You for the 3 days. 3 days away from blog, but 3 days closer to people. Wonderful reunion dinner with the usually 'invisible' people exposed the struggles many less fortunate people, including the intellectually challenged ones, face especially in this faith; discussion with J reveals the constant strive to hit a balance between trying to be a Martha and trying to be Mary; and these many christians that have been placed in so many areas in my life only encourage and assure me of my walk in this faith. It is difficult, but it is fun at the same time. There are so much insight, so much realizations.
As I dwell on the book of 2 Chronicles, the story portrays a striking contrast of what our church is going through. 
Lord, as I come before You. I humbly bow my head and pray that You will speak to me. I am desperate to hear You and I yearn for Your presence. I continue to ask for the gifts and revelation from You but all these, may Your will be done. Let me walk in ways that are pleasing in Your eyes and keep me on this narrow path, that whatever initiatives of mine would be adopted as a purpose of Yours. Lord, keep me and sustain me.
I continue to pray for this new cell and pray for Your wisdom upon us as to what ought to be done.
The earlier entry was erased for whatever reason, but if You want to speak Lord, make sure I hear it.
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!

Your child,

Judah

Seated on an oversized bench;
Tiny legs dangle over swinging to and fro,
Over uncertainty the legs dangle.
Colorful bench;
the greyscale I see with my eyes.
I'm a grumpy old boy,
my eyes fixed on that doubt.
Gently I've waited, and there have been times my inside fumes.
Yet I continue to wait for the thirst within continues to tug on that Holy discontent.

Psalm 27: 8
"My heart says of you, "Seek His face!" Your face, Lord, I will seek."

30- intercede

Daddy,
I thank You for the burden. I thank You for the impressions and I continue to seek You. Lord, will You just show me clearly what this plan of Yours is. I am of little faith, so Lord, I pray for You to strengthen this faith of mine in Your own ways.
Lord, for the merging of J and my cells, I pray for Your revelation. The missing piece pricks at the idea of the thoughts, and I trust that if it is of You, You will grant us the peace of mind. So Lord, will You just show us. Speak Your words, and we will listen.
And Lord, I want to pray for Eleanor. She is the only female in my cell, so I pray for Your Holy intervention. Guard all our hearts and help us to see Your plan for her. Lord, If this is Your plan, I will trust in Your supplication and guide me to guide her as she develops into a lady who is after Your heart. Lord, yet I pray for Your revelation as to how it should be done. I do not presume to glare at Your perfect plan, but little by little, I pray that You will show me the small ways on which I should follow. 
Lord, I want to pray for confirmation as well, that You will give us the assurance and affirmation of Your presence amongst us. Help us to seek You like how David and Solomon did. Speak to us Lord, and may our plans be pleasing in Your eyes, that our initiatives, You will adopt them into Your plans and make them Yours! Almighty God, I trust in Your powers and Your majesty, and everything that I do, I commit them into Your big hands, now and forever more. 
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!

Your child, 

Judah

Your lambs I've been trusted;
in faith my courage has been mustered.
I pray for Your cleansing  upon me;
to lead those little ones where You've designed them to be.

Psalm 119: 11
"I have hidden Your word in my heart
that I might not sin against You."
Proverbs 22: 6
"Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it."

30- conscience

Daddy,
As much as I have been aware, I thank You for the tugging and pulling at my heartstrings to get me back here. The longing for You had never subsided over the past 4 days, and despite my disobedience and procrastination, You have never let me go. I confess of all my sins that had barred me from You. The guilt stricken, I leave it at the foot of the cross. Lord, it's been a long struggle, but I continue to trust in You that You are the God of all things, and You are still in control when it seems to have gone out of my control. Lord, I commit myself, my heart into Your mighty hands! In Your name, I denounce the clutches of lust in my life! In Jesus's most powerful name, I cast the spirit of lust out of my body. By the blood of the lamb I seek for cleansing upon my sinful soul, and pray that You will lay Your protective hands upon me. In my Father's Almighty name, I command the evil spirits that have been sent upon me to leave, and whatever curses that have been brought along to be returned unto the evil one in folds! 
Lord God, Heavenly Kind, I pray for deliverance, that You will keep me and guard me. Deliver me from all evil and lead me not into temptation. For Your name is Holy, and You are pure. Cleanse me and bless me, so that I may evermore dwell in the presence of Your heavenly presence. 
Amen!

2012- foresight 2012

The world before me,
Your love behind me.
Like the carrot and the mule,
fixated vision cast upon the temptation that I have been due.
Narrowed sight, deafen ears;
an oblivious plight, a beaten soul that stops to hear.
Your love behind me onto which I fall;
In desperation Your struggling child shall call.
Show me the purpose, reveal to me Your plan;
I yearn to follow You around the daily rose; beyond the forbidden, without the ban.
Only Your Word will I obey;
an instant response I will not delay.
An openness I share; I pray for Your love to bare.
That Jesus lives in me, how wonderful can a life be.
To the ends of time;
when the bell's surreal chime.
Back home I would come. 

34- in the grip of grace

Daddy,
I thought I had become numb to emotions. One hurt could really have been a hurt too much, that drown out all other emotions. I think I have been in that state for a prolonged period. Right now, today the flood is finally beginning to subside. At least I see the protrusion in the water of what had been the tip of a statue. I felt anger, felt forgiven, felt embraced, felt in awe. All these, in a day, and I got reminded of where I have wanted to be. Whatever joy, whatever satisfaction; yesterday's poem really spoke. I am just like the israelites, so vulnerable so prone to complacency. 
If I can give it a go, I want to dedicate this phase in my life to You and school. Lord, help me to target-lock onto those two. Let me now be distracted, let me be motivated, let me feel the keenness. I pray for genuine enjoyment and passion in this pursuit!
Lord, today I want to pray for 2 of my friends. 
I want to pray for my 8-years friend Daniel. Lord, I thank You for this friendship that even before I knew You, You've had him placed in a part of my life. Lord, I praise you for Your goodness, that You have kept it going even after 8 years, that despite so much differences in characters, You have kept us close. On this special day when he turns 21, Lord, I want to commit him into Your mighty hands and trust that he too has a purpose in Your plan. Lord, may Your works unfold and would You just use me and anyone mightily that he may come to acknowledge Your works in his life. May he finally see the truth, and may the truth finally be in him and set him free!
I also want to pray for Faith. I thank You for her heart, that she has been such a blessings to those around! I thank You for placing her in my life, that whatever evolutions, both of us have been moulded and changed in Your ways. Lord, You are the Healer and I pray for Your healing hands to be upon this relationship. That You will remove any remnants of any hurt, but really to grow together in this family of Christ. You see my struggle, but I trust that You are in control nevertheless. Lord, will You just help me commit my heart and let me not waver in any ways. And for her, Lord, I pray for Your presence to be with her. And like what the book mentioned, "say yes to God". So will You just grant her the willingness to always say yes to You in every command You give. I pray that You will bless this friendship and let it grow in many years to come.
Lord, on the eve of the eve, I also want to pray for the new cell. I want to continually ask of Your guidance and seek Your directions. Lord, will You just guide Your servants and open the eyes of our heart, that we may see Your purpose for any development. Help us to be in sync with You through any means by which You will speak. Talk to us for we desire to hear You and help us to say yes to You too! I pray for Benjamin, Ryan, Timothy, Keith, and Eleanor. These young lives, I will continually commit them into Your hands and help us to lead them onto paths that will please You. And as You speak to Joseph, I pray for discernment, that You will help him to hear You even clearer, and as he becomes convinced of this season of salvation, may he learn to rely You more and more to do Your works! 
Finally Lord, I just want to pray for myself. Will You just reveal to me what I ought to see. For I do not know Your ways, but I want to follow You. Will You just speak to me and give me any signs or visions of Your plans at least for this season in my life. May I lead it in ways pleasing in Your eyes. And I continue to pray and seek for Your gift of tongues. May You just help me to overcome my frailties and serve You with all my heart and soul!
In Jesus's name I pray,
Amen!

Your child,

Judah

Images in their vagueness, a surreal spell of closeness.
Memories linger;
the story which began in the manger.
A thousand voices compete for my attention,
yet not one triumphs over the truth contention.

Isaiah 30: 21
"Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying,
'This is the way; walk in it.'"

34- complaints

Daddy,
I feel far and detached, even unworthy, or sometimes numbed. It seems like an impossibility, and often the human heart simply just refuses to care anymore. One day of an awesome encounter, then interval with a few not so awesome ones, and a final breaking point to mend the brokenness. I feel like the Israelites of the old, those whom Moses led, those whom had seen Your prowess but each time chose to return to their old ways. In some ways, I even attributed it to the abstractness of You in this life- so much reliance on my conviction that the may-not-be-You to be You. It is difficult, really, very...
Daddy,
Will You just help me? Now that I feel a wretched child; the unworthiness and the obliviousness overshadowing any form of passion. I am licking my own wounds, and grinning at the apparent pain. It seems evil, for the melancholy and the apathy to dwell and harbor within. It feels evil, but the latter of the two seeks to reconcile, in a dangerous way. Lord, will You just take over. 
In Christ's love, Judah

Every season and every story;
Your faithfulness reveals Your glory.
An unopened eye; "why!" the children pry.
A forgetful mind; yet You've come to find.

Judges 3: 7
"The Israelites did evil in the eyes of the Lord;
they forgot the Lord their God and served the Baals and the Asherahs."