Conviction

Some came to do the job;

Some found a personal conviction;

Some discover a greater cause.

The same job as it stands, represents a wide spectrum of possibilities. 

I choose to leave my mark this way, aligning it with the priorities of my life and what is important to me. 

Thoughts, June 2015

What is conviction when it shifts as the shoreline shifts with every crashing of the waves? 

My heart stirs for missions; I go around telling people I got my call for missions before I gave my life to Christ; my entire being yearns to dive into missions. But where I am now, I have to wait. My current career promises a lot, especially for a heartland boy like myself without much family asset. This career represents an opportunity to climb up the social ladder and have a break into the medium-high income. So naturally, well-meaning people came around to advise, encourage, and persuade me to reconsider. That is the problem today; anything that hinges on practicality and promises stability would get the nod ahead of any other options, supposedly the more risky ones, and going into missions puts you on the wrong end in terms of the level of acceptance for the risk involved. 

To make this waiting time slightly more bearable and to help me quickly overlook the sentiment of being stuck, I had to give these advice the benefit of doubt. Say if they are really not that bad... And they really aren't. In fact, it is just only recently that I discovered something about the job that I might like, and for the first time in these many years that I really considered the possibility of staying. This can only be good, can't it? That'd mean less dread, more purpose, and surely these would translate into motivation. Except that the initial conviction always came back at me. How deep have I trusted? And have I been delaying my decision due to my lack of faith, or sacrifice? The cost to count- where is God in the picture. 

And then the turmoil settles. In the end, when I finally go into it, I can only say, "you know, I wouldn't have been able to do it myself because humanly the propensity to sway is just too huge; and the dedication to the cross too weak. God kept me there, and therefore here I am to share in His glory." Too often people glorifies the sacrifices made- how God wants the capable and young lads with a bright future to lay it all down and follow Christ, and then these people became lauded as the Christian heroes of our time. I think that is why I like the Exodus movie because Moses, supposedly one of the biggest biblical giant, was portrayed as very human- so human that he was angry with God, and even questioned and doubted God. Then, it is privilege indeed, to be kept and partake in His glory. 

Therefore, conviction says I stand firm in good times and bad, because it is a pact, a covenant I've established with God.