Reflection (2013)

I want to forgo the usual rants about how the year had been long, filled with ups and downs, or even character building. That has to be the case- the default-anyways. As we grow older, our responsibilities increase, and more is entrusted to us, and with more things filled into the same amount of time, it definitely has to feel longer; 365 days, with more things, especially when the complexity level heightens, it is difficult not to have both ups and downs in any single year; with the ups and downs, having come through a year, it must have been character building anyways.

What truly has been THE lesson of 2013 is really how “what it looks like may not be what it really is”. Of course there were many other good insights and takeaway from this year, but I think none can deviate much away from this. It began with the development of an aversion toward this: “I love you that’s why I want to share the good news with you” versus “I want to convert you, that’s why I am loving you”. Both look alike,but the heart of it differs so much! Subsequently, I realized that the same principle could be applied in practically every interpretation, which is why doctrinal differences emerge. When works are done apart from the big purpose; when works become an ends to itself; when purpose and works swap role, and the former becomes the fuel for the latter… Matthew 7:22-23.

The gauge of a person’s spirituality cannot be measured by his/her works- it’s not by the number of healing, the sophistication of prayer, the amount of mission trips, the number of conversion or things of sorts, but by the person’s fruits. So what if we are getting visitations from angels, and so what if we are moving in marvelous ways… Saul was an appointed king who voided his anointing by not bearing fruits- he was handpicked, he had the best, but he failed to bear fruits… Even as I move into the spiritual realm, I am cautious. While my beings shout "let it go" along with Elsa from "Frozen", I want this to be an overflow indeed. Not an active pursuit, but let this seeking birth out of a desire to steward what God has put within me. During the covenant service, one line read "let me be filled; let me be emptied", the second half caught me and reminded myself of what I did in Kupang and Tanjong Pinang over the past 2 years. People can have millions of opinions about how things are done, and people can have preference of how they want to serve, but for me I just want to love. That's why I chose to be with the kids, that's why I chose to hang around with the locals. 

My 3 principles of my faith:

1. Just love (love anyways)

2. Guilt, doubt, fear, I want no part in any of those.

3. Optimism is a Christian trait.

Take it in- I think the Christian notion of “not caring about what other people say” should be taken in the context of knowing in your heart and spirit that you are (attempting to) pleasing God, that is why what other people say don’t matter. (Unfortunately, many people use that to justify the lack of efforts or laziness or convenience on our parts). I am thankful because I’ve been justified and my fruits had been witnessed, by His grace, I’ve indeed been justified.

By that, I’m learning to be more careful to assess the fruits of others and decide for myself who are swine and dogs (Matthew 7:6) and to whom I should offer my pearls. I know I have much to offer, but that is only for those who can and will receive.

Also,I’m learning to assess my own walks and not get absorbed into the forms. Some people do evangelism a certain way, others have a certain bible study format.These are all useful tools, but I’m more concern about the heart…

I had a lot of fun in 2013- Gold Coast, Taiwan, Kupang, minor episodes of nitty stuff- but I think that one lesson had been a threading theme.

Kupang Reflection

Actually, I am kind of afraid to fall asleep now. It feels like everything is still fresh because they all occurred less than 24 hours ago. The knowledge that I am going to meet them tomorrow, the opportunity to say hello again, the frequent "okay lah-s", and the crazy song-singing that went on unlimited looping- all these become distant possibilities. I am afraid to fall asleep because when I get up later, it will probably feel like a nice beautiful dream- and when I wake up, the dream becomes memory. 
I know we will move on, eventually, but for now, I just want to indulge myself in a little more of every bit of memories, intentional moments which I chose to stay with the locals than with anyone from my team, from the dinner on the first night where I was trying to remember almost 20 new names, to the first day at work making dog sculptures after dog sculptures with balloons with Santi, to the second day at work where I witnessed one of the worst living conditions in my entire life with people literally staying amongst the rubbish dump, to the moment where I fell in love with child-likeness and learnt child-likeness from a kid whom the world would define as having nothing but really had everything, to the next moment where I broke and got touched by that one scene where the group of homeless kids lined up upfront and sang their hearts out (that rendition of "ku mau cinta Yesus selamanya" is the most beautiful rendition I've ever heard), to the third day where we traveled to one of the least visited places called the Semau island and played games after games with the very innocent kids. 
See, I'm afraid of the effects of time, even more so distance, because even now, I am beginning to forget bits and pieces of information of what happened in between. 
I know I got to move on, but that part of the heart, it was torn off me, and it has been left there. 
I know I am changed- because when I walked over to my fridge, I saw the luxury of can drinks and chocolate, and I closed it back up because they no longer appeal. I now consider them luxuries. I sat in the comfort of a nice lady's car, and I recognized that too as luxury. 
I sat beside the bus driver and attempted to strike conversations using my very broken bahasa Indonesia, that too is a luxury; we stand in the car porch and did our own rendition of the chinese pop song and put it on loop, and that too is a luxury. 
The former is a luxury of material wealth, successes; the latter that of time and relationships. 

I said we will meet, but I really wonder when, and if we do meet again, it will be different. We will all move on, and carry on with our lives- research, study, teach, work, volunteer. Whatever it is, even if it felt like a dream, I know it is not. It's a common piece of memory, that I know someone from somewhere on the other side of the earth who shares with me. I know I have made an impact, and I have made differences to precious lives. 

The love is genuine, and the sore will take some time to heal, but this is a revelation, and it just brings me and makes me more excited about what is to come in the near future. Mission fields are where I belong, and I'm on my way there! Lots of lots of love! 

台湾之旅 (Taiwan Trip)

The driver today called it the treasure island (宝岛), and I must agree with him! Agree with some facts that I claimed (albeit some being very biased), agree with the admirable pride he has for his country, agree with the diversity in a country.

19 April 2013 (Saturday)

This is the first time in almost two years that I went on the plane again. It was a peculiar group- one which I probably would never have imagined would go on a trip together, but there we were, on course for some adventure. 

My first night in Taipei (台北) was summarized by cold weather and rain. It is the rainy season, and the weather was about to transit, so it was kinda cold. 

The hotel we resided was of decent grade- pretty comfortable place to put up for the night, good services for daily replenishments, well-informed personnels on duty to provide much needed information, and the location was right smack in the middle of the city. Moreover, the price that we paid was more than worthwhile, so I rate it 4/5 stars measuring services up against the price we paid! King Shi Hotel (金师). 

Dinner was settled at 马辣 steamboat:

This is an established outlet, and is almost always packed. When we headed in at 10-ish, we could only get the seat until 12 because of some crazy midnight reservations. I thought it decent only, and the rush-hour consumers made the dining atmosphere a little tense. However, I must say that the food variety was a good one, and they do provide some top grade ingredients like beef, seafood, and top notch branded ice cream. So, I rate it a 3/5, considering I'm one who goes for good dining atmosphere above all else. 

The first night was quite exciting. We walked the midnight streets of 西门, and while most shops had already wound up by then, stepping on new and unfamiliar grounds have some sort of a mysterious charm that makes people highly and easily excitable!

20 April 2013 (Sunday)

This day, we went up to Wu Lai (乌来) for hotspring. The rain had not ceased, so we braved through the rain throughout our journey. That was our first old street (老街) in Taiwan, and the many street food by the road sides never failed to stir up interest within me. 

We even met this friendly retired cabby who was doing his regular walk in the area, and he walked with us to show us many places in Wulai. The natural spring has got to be the highlight, and for the first time I felt a natural spring- where the really cold water and the really hot water mixed (it has an effect akin to the line that draws up a raining region and one that is not raining- the hot spring was extremely hot one one foot, and extremely cold on the other)! 

I had my first hotspring there and had a good men's talk with Marcus. I gotta admit I was given the impression that it's gonna be a family hotspring, and I was half-skeptical about going down naked, with the towel as the only thing protecting us, but it turned out the guys and the girls split. False alarm~

Then we headed off to 五分埔. The girls had their fair share of loot, while the men went on to create their own topo adventure to kill almost 2 hours worth of time. An advice: do not be over considerate and scared the other people might be bored, because by splitting up, those who had little interests loses even that bit of purpose in that place. At least if we had stayed intact, mutual advice and numbers by strength can potentially get us much better offers. (oh, we went back to 五分埔 on Wednesday and did a myth-buster! Myth 1: go 五分埔 on weekends because that's when all the sales and offers are. Busted- go on weekdays because those days the businesses are not as good, and that puts us on good advantage for bargaining. I got myself some loots for only 2200 NT, and I'm super satisfied with them! 

These 3 plus a winter jacket for a friend cost only 2200 NT!

That night, we had wanted to visit Aroma Cafe at 西门 for their church service, but we could not find the place so we ended up shopping around the area. It's quite an interesting sight to see how the street hawkers and the police played eagle and chicks through the alleys. 

21 April 2013 (Monday)

For me, this has to be the highlight for the trip. We went to Jiou Fen (九份) and Shi Fen (十分). Jiou Fen is a very charismatic old street that sells plenty of local products. Despite it being very commercialized, it's still a very worthy trip to make. It actually exudes a certain feel that resembles the old chinese streets during the colonial rule. We went to a teahouse (茶馆) and learnt a little bit about the art of tea appreciation. That about sums up a relaxing afternoon (in the mountains). 

Apart from that, I bought 16 ocarinas as presents for my dear friends. It's a Taiwanese instrument that resembles the recorder, but I was just so mesmerized by the music that was being played in the backdrop, and I made the splurge. This has to be accountable for my tight purse string for next few days in Taiwan. 

Ocarina

十分has this country feel like those we see in the 台湾乡土剧. The train ride there was filled with some laughters because we started playing 比手划脚 and we even created our own running man mission to take a photo with the station's board during each stop the train made. This period of the year is also the season of the blooming of 油桐花, and it has a beautiful name called 四月雪 because of how the fallen flowers can potentially cover up the patch of land beneath the tree to form a layer of pure white. It's a beautiful sight, especially in the mountains! 

四月雪－油桐花的季节

And of course, if we head down to Shi Fen, we should never miss out on the local cultural/tourist activity- flying a lantern (on the railway tracks). 

天灯的祝福： 给爱世人的天父

On this third night, we went to the famous 士林夜市 for dinner. By now, we've already been exposed to a fair share of famous Taiwanese food. Roasted wild boar meat (烤山猪肉) emerged in almost every other stall, Taiwan style sausage (大肠包小肠), a kind of chinese Roti Prata (葱抓饼), smelly tofu (臭豆腐), 卤肉饭, 担仔面, 蚵仔面线 etc. But one of the must try has got to be 棺材板. 

Apart from the food, there's also some pretty decent boutiques that sold at very reasonable prices. I had my first loot here!

22 April 2013 (Tuesday)

I like this day's itinerary too, except for how it started. I woke up feeling like I've cried through my sleep because of a dream about something that I ought to have already put down. As a result, my heart was wrenching the whole morning, and my eyes tearing all the time. 

This day, we went to 淡水渔人码头. It's another nice place where I saw some really interesting thing. This was also the place where we bought most of our local goods. It felt a little bit like our China Town during Chinese New year, except that the diversity definitely spans over a wider range. 

At 渔人码头, I made friend with a street performer, Catherine and was honored that she played/sang a few songs for me, and had a short conversation with me over the mic (at that instant, it felt like I was thrown into the limelight!). All were good, except that each song she sang felt like a deep stab into the heart. I was trying hard to come out from it! Things were becoming quite bad when we were on the ferry. I was trying to match my navy experiences when the chimney decided to spill diesel. I could potentially have been disfigured if the diesel was hot from the engine, but apparently no one (except that particular ship crew who pulled me away, albeit it being a little too late) realized the severity of this whole drama. My new shirt was damaged, but the chief for the ferry service decided that a compensation was the best he could do, and I got back the money, having to travel around in a singlet for the remaining of the day. 

The shirt that got damaged

Thankfully, as the day progressed, things became better. It was only much later in the night that I realized that my faithful friends had been praying for me, and I was truly thankful. That night, my sis and I made an early return back to the room. I'm quite sure she would have loved to shop a little more, but I was too down for anything of that sort, so she had her 99NT steamboat, and then we returned back to our room swiftly thereafter. I had KFC for dinner that night, and made a discovery- the mashed potato in Taiwan had evolved into potato tart. 

We spent the early hours skyping with Linnette and comforting each other of the plight and all were good. Prayers change and move things, and I'm glad we had that! 

23 April 2013 (Wednesday)

This is when the days started to fly. Perhaps because we have come through more than half the duration of the trip already, time began to pass by much quicker. Wednesday, we went to Mao Kong, our supposed hiking trip, but the rain came as a blessing in disguise. 

We went up by gondola, stood and spam photos, I almost got caught (scolded), got off, tasted a tea leaf covered with insecticide, walked through the tea leaf museum, and before we knew it, we were already on our way down the mountain in a bus that we almost suffocated in. 

But with the extra time, we headed back to 五分埔, and the rest of the story can only be illustrated in the pictures above. We came back victorious with loots that were really satisfying. 

In the evening, we had a foot massage that almost tore my throat! It was fun, and funny, but I really appreciate such wonderful services! 

the friendly masseur

24 April 2013 (Thursday)

This is the funny trip! We spent a lot more time on the bus/train than anywhere else (because we made a mistake about the exact location of the place). The funniest part is that all of us were on the brink of bankruptcy at this point in time, and the topping up to make up for the amount for the ticket effectively wiped my wallet out of any further functioning. It was funny, and this is the trip where I enjoyed one of the most (for the company rather than the activity). There were a little more laughters! 

Oh, and the monster village (妖怪村) was decent. It's a Japanese-inspired themed village for the tourists, so don't expect too much beyond. But if anyone is keen for a 名宿 stay, I thought 溪头 of 台中 a very worthwhile place, because the scenery is really good! 

In the evening, we went to 逢甲夜市and Faith managed to get two more pairs of shoes (tough luck for me for I couldn't get any). We had our dinner there at one of the small eateries and that was the first genuine 道地 local style 家常饭, and it was tasty! It took us until then to finally realize that Taiwanese serve huge portions for their main dishes!

The last night in Taiwan, we went on the streets, and every stalls seemed to open late for us. For the first time in this trip, we finally bought every food that came our way, and for the first (few) time(s), the group felt closer together, but that was also about the time that the trip was about to end. 

I was feeling very emotional that night. Partially because of the thing that came on my mind, but even more so feeling 感慨 about what could have been. The trip could definitely have been much more exciting if it's a different group, the trip could potentially have been more socializing if everyone takes initiative to talk and relate and share, I would have preferred more if we had prayed more, it could have been... But how can I always look at "what could have been"? I mean the world  would have been a better place if Adam had not fallen, wouldn't it? For this trip, this particular one, I am thankful, precisely because of the fact that it could have been, but yet not be, that made it what it was. 

That night, I had insomnia, I couldn't sleep until 3 am, and the whole moment that I was awake, I was just thinking. I couldn't read book, couldn't read the bible, couldn't pray, I was just thinking, about a lot of things, about how things started, how it progressed, how it's gonna end. The toughest part is not when you cannot come out; it is when you see that there are so many incompatibilities and yet still got yourself stuck in it. That is when you do not know where the root is, and it is where the helplessness comes in. 

25 April 2013 (Friday)

The final day has to be concluded with a long ride through the city- the beautiful city that brought about much. 

A treasure island indeed <3

Fun fact:

Owl is seen as a bird of blessing because its call goes "不苦不苦", that is why Taiwanese created many things in the image of owls. 

Doing all things, really? Don't do nothing!

Mark 14:7

"For you have the poor with you always, and whenever you wish you may do them good; but Me you do not have always."

It could potentially be very disheartening to live in constant awareness of the needs around us. Even Jesus acknowledged that during His short ministry on earth. Being need-driven was never the intention. But even that was a choice presented to us: choose what is important to you.

Shoutout: If all things are possible, can I pray and by faith claim onto a potential future that has yet to come to pass- one that is free of every pain and sorrow (isn't that a glimpse of heaven)?

Wilberforce ever said, "now that you've seen, you can no longer say that you do not know." Yet, that only reveals one aspect of humanity- Compassion overflows. On the other extreme of the spectrum, there is always this group of humans who never really cared. "See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil, and there won't be evil." Ostriches might have done well embracing that, but humans have had no semblance to the big bird.

Point being it could not be more wrong to say that I can continue to live life as it is because the handicapped uncle at so-and-so train station would not affect my life. Denying compassion takes out the humanistic aspect of being a human. I begin to wonder then how much of that human-ness remains.

We can't do all of the things, but we can't choose to not do anything. Making disciples of all nations could be a noble goal, but hey let's do it one at a time?

Doing all things, really? Skeptical as it is, doing nothing is absolutely wrong!

My Little History

TW grew up in a very average family. He is very aware of it. Not the wealthiest, nor the worst of its kind. Poor foundation rendered the first few years of his formal education a big struggle, often inviting misunderstanding and reprimands. In the eyes of some educators, this boy might have a future, albeit a very limited one. 

He never quite dared to make any upward comparison because it had once seemed distant, almost unreachable. He could never fathom himself breaking the invisible glass ceiling that his peers would one day ascend beyond.

He has not known God then, but God knew him already. Good teachers who came along, and plenty of opportunities only point toward the abundant grace and favor. Under such an environment, he gradually grew in confidence and his character was slowly being shaped. He shone, in a way beyond any predictions that his history could extrapolate.

Slightly more than a decade on, the inability to perform returned. But he has grown used to the abilities, that position of envy. Once being labeled a “high flyer”, he continued to live in that illusion, albeit the shrinking of his ambition- a cardiologist, a pilot... 

However hard he tried, the dampening downward spiral felt like an insurmountable impossibility. It never felt like paying off. The academic performance took many plunges, despite bold claims about his abilities to grasp any concepts, results in black and white suggest otherwise.

More than once, he questioned. Why- the decline only seemed to have begun at the end of J1, coincidentally also the time when he gave his life to Christ. Clearly aware of the kind of implication, he tried to divert the blame away whenever he talked about it, but deep within was a deep resentment, having forgotten about how he had come to where he is today- the grace-filled and favor-filled 10 years that had just gone by.

Non-English speaking, barely surviving on bursaries and aids, frequent loans from relatives that never seemed to ever have been repaid, uneducated parents old enough to be grandparents- even this was part of a divine plan- one which viewed back from the halfway mark reveals a clearer picture, albeit an incomplete one.  Yet, the abounding grace of my God permeated through.

Show Love (no string attached)

Every stride I took into reality, the insufficiency just flaunts its extensiveness so blatantly! 

Every glimpse of the Father's heart,

reveals a Love so deep who can fathom but those who chooses to acknowledge. 

It has been a good weekend, getting my hands full on the countless first-times: worship leading, celebrating Children's day as an adult, driving, and going on the streets. The novelty is intriguing- a feeling which spurs us to continue to explore new things, the good things which have come into existence by Your hands! Thank God for such as these!

But as things are laid out and placed side by side, I now see a comparison. A novelty triggers the inert portion of our hearts, because we are wired this way, but it goes beyond that if we choose to see! Amongst the many first-times, driving gave me a new perspective to be more appreciative to the drivers, and one side of me in fact reflected upon the frailty of lives- for one of the many instances, it seriously felt like life/lives was/were between the hands of the driver. That control gave me fear. So I wanna thank God for safety, and the thrill, and the favor! 
Amongst all the first-times, I think the walk on the street touched me the most. It's a realization: one that speaks about an area many chose to turn a blind eye upon, even from the reach of law. Nefarious was a movie which spoke about blatant reality, and today the walk on the street brought me to the forefront, where the street ladies stood. 
It's easy to be distracted by our expectations/results, but as I reflected upon it, I'm thankful I was a part of what went on. There are many rooms for imagination about how things could have been like, and one such would be this: imagine a life without light, and every "gifts" only come in the forms of transactions. Those were wonderful ladies, who for various reasons, stood on the streets. 
I don't know how much giving a flower meant to them, and how much love can a brief conversation bring. But those smiles, those gratitude, those spirits that were touched, I saw through their eyes a glimpse of hope- a hope that preserves a slightly rekindled belief in humanity. 
We just wanted to show them Jesus loves them, and we wanted to show them that we love them too. A love that comes in the form of intentional stop-bys to engage them and talk with them, to shake their hands when perhaps all they ever had was filthy touches, to give them a flower to tell them that they are beautiful beyond the make ups or their working attires. It was dark, but I wanna quote that even in the darkest of darkness, we shine God's light. 
I want to believe that the breakthroughs will come in God's timing, and I want to pray that men would be able to control their sex drive, that indeed the stronghold of lust and evilness will collapse in these places in Jesus's name! Restore their identity as God's children, and really O God, I pray that You will work Your divine plans, and I press in for the expansion of Your Kingdom into these areas!
Lord God, bless Your children, and let tonight be the night where they will be ministered to. 

The kid in me

It is something to thank God for! The rain- it always calms my soul! When it's stormy and windy outside; the numerous rainy scenes from the films always flashed by. I like rainy nights: it's perhaps the next closest thing to snow for someone whose only exposure to snow was from snow city. 

I like how the raindrops splash upon the cement ground outside; I like the shady view blurred by streaks of falling rain; I like the smell of the rain; I like the temperature (the wind from the fan is too disruptive). Above all, I like it at night because it gives the space for imagination. I like!

And I was looking for a nice rain picture, I came across this which reminded me of a childhood act. We used to fall origami boats and release them in the canals around the neighborhood, until one day we learnt that that's pollution. Sometimes, having little considerations preserve the inner boy/girl. Occasionally let loose, call out the kid in us. It's FUN!

The adventure in a child's heart;
the ride in the pumpkin carriage and a whirling magical dust,
a charge through the village, yee-ha the cowboy's shout he must!
Fairies' an integral part;
castles and horses the standard plot;
perfect if top off with a duel with a villain to be slain by a single shot.
All these are but a kid's innocent fantasy;
yet from it the big man left their legacy.
Keep an imaginative mind;
only treasure you will find.

Matthew 19:14
"Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me,
and do not hinder them,
for the Kingdom of Heaven belongs to such as these.'"