I don't speak well, my thoughts don't process as quickly. As I continue to age, the amount of self-awareness raises, and gradually I came to realize more and more that I have not been as infallible as I have always thought myself to be. At the back of my mind somewhere, I continue to marvel at some of my self-lauded illusions- I call myself the ironman of the spiritual realm.
At the core of my being, I have genuine struggles. Disappointment with myself, and a severe lack of resolution to keep on with what I've set out to do. On top of that is an increasing tendency to be drawn into solitude. The point of saying all these? I'm just being human, an ordinary one. Amongst Christians we have our own lingo and terms like "God told me this or that", "I've been called", "serve in the ministry", "take up cross" etc. But really, truly, I'm slightly delusional. I'm just a Christian human, and precisely because that is exactly what I am, I constantly call out in desperation: I am weak thereby I am strong.
Today I heard a message given by Pastor Buddy Owens, and he made this analogy which I really like about salt and light. The gist of his message says that we salt the world by words, and we light the world by our deed. ie. We cannot fight darkness by merely speaking, talking and discussing. This was so in line with what I've been reading these days. James 2 jumps out at me strongly- faith without deed is dead, and it strikes me at my core. Isn't this the reason, the driving motivation for me to do what I've been doing?
At the same time, I've been asked some peculiar questions which got me thinking. Apparently spending weekends doing "church stuffs" don't quite sit well with other people. Somehow community service ought to sit comfortably into some designated slot- it should only be done once in a while, like you know when the school calls for CIP of sorts? If it eats into the "free time", then you end up not having time for yourself. I gave it some serious thoughts- do I really not have enough time for myself, and to quote his words fully, do I not have time for my other life pursuits such as having a girlfriend? (All these were part of a friendly exchange, and I'm super appreciative that people even bothered. I just got taken aback by the same shock that I wasn't expecting).
I gave it some serious thoughts- I really did.
To begin, I began thinking- what would I be doing if church got taken out of the picture. I recalled the times before I started attending church/serving in church. (*shake head tremendously).
Actually, I'm rather thankful, for the following reasons.
1. Being involved in church doesn't make you into some sort of a bible freak who only does bible study, and do the Christian stuff. To me Christian is an adjective- so being Christian doesn't elevate me into some sort of divinity. Instead I'm a Christian human, who still pretty much get on with life, except that now I have a hope and a faith that surpasses anything I've ever had, or will ever have. My typical weekend serving in church involves going out with individuals for a lunch or something, followed by BFA where I really went there to play floorball for a good workout. Really, the Christian label does not take away anything from what I do.
2. This is where our perspective of ministry comes into play. If ministry is about service, all the concerns about not having enough time for myself would kick into play, and make strong cases against me. But if ministry is birthed out of relationship-building and love, allow me to ask a question: which father/mother takes time away from their kids? Likewise, this "personal time" includes the presence of those kids. They are a part of it. Of course, there are times for me-time as well...
3. The sense of privilege derived from being able to be involved in some of the biggest decisions/struggles of an individual is the kind of trust we don't find in superficial friendships. Being allowed into the depth of the heart, and then walking alongside each other- in serving, we grow as well.
There are many more reasons, but those 3 stood out the most. And I'm able to conclude- that so-called other objectives in life. I wanna make a difference in people's lives, and I don't mind not being rich. If I am able to be a part of a greater project which has every potential to improve the community and the lives of people, I'd gladly want to come onboard!
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