Isaiah 6:8

One of the few phases where there were so many takeaways. And I just want to thank God for these miracles that are blowing me off balance. Some days later, I am probably gonna be lamenting again about not seeing or hearing, so I declare rejection to such possibilities! And I pray for sustenance!

At various points in life, there are bound to be that few important people who made a difference, or to quote Dewitt Jones, made a contribution in my life. There is of course my besty Joel who means so much in so many areas in my life; then there are the few whom I look up to as I grow and learn. Today, a person who holds a special fort in my heart spoke and it, un-disappointingly made so much sense. 

J.Chean was the first guy whom had helped me hear my calling, even before I came to Christ. That was almost 4 years back when I visited another church, and the sermon was rooted on missions. It was crazy! I had not even known Christ then, but that sermon was powerful- and I was shaken. The story about Corn put me on nerves, and I sought to find out. 4 years on today, I have come to Christ, and J.Chean continues to mean a lot to me, and I was just so glad to see him, and to be able to hear from him again. There's always some kind of excitement when I see him- likewise during GDOP! 

Amongst the many, he shared about the motivation for mission, that it should stem from a love for God, not the needs of the world. What wisdom! Thank God indeed!

There are so many testimonies- how I've managed to clear certain stuffs, how different people are placed into different areas of my life etc. Relieve* All these, I just want to acknowledge that God is good (has been so, and will always be so)!

                  Isaiah 6:8

  "Then I heard the voice of the Lord saying,

                                'Whom shall I send?

And who will go for us?'

             And I said,

'Here am I. Send me!"'

Those were not a question for Isaiah, but in the context, there were God, angels and Isaiah himself. He saw the goodness and recognized the privilege instead of the sacrifice that going for God entails. 

Making Space

Crossing 2 milestones- time for a break, a relief, a review, a me-time.

It's all about Love

This is the entry as promised: one that ought to summarize the entire block of days of absence. 

Rant:

It was a long period of business, tiredness, quietness, and perhaps most of all, Change. Perhaps getting tired, and probably getting disillusioned- sick of being misunderstood, tired of being misrepresented or being misinterpreted. I was a lot more quiet, and a lot more bottled up- less keen to share, to clarify, to probe, sometimes to even confide. And then I got reminded of why God reminded us to be quick to listen and slow to speak; quick to love and slow to give advice. Regardless, I'm pleased with the change- it symbolizes a transition to a lesser need to be justified.


Insomnia was awesome- a smaller crowd, lesser buses, softer atmosphere; more personal, more in-depth, more afterthoughts, more reflections, more opportunities. The school portion was fun- the first time playing running man, and the awesome obstacle course! And all these I just wanna thank God for the enthusiasm displayed by the planning committee, and no less, the enthusiastic participants from AHS especially! 
The internal desire, and the playing out of the prophetic station had presented me with countless opportunities to talk to people whom I haven't talked to in a long while. Those revelations, those personal confession and thoughts, and those epic moments when people got taken aback by the aptness of each word that has been spoken. I asked, "God, these are Your children. Speak to them through me, and help me to feel for them how You would. Amen!" And the rest were all history, those moments that showed me how He saw- how He has always been in the picture even when we do not see Him- in our confusion, in our strive to survive, in our struggles, and even in our deliberate attempt to hide from Him. Such love, is as overwhelming as it could have gone. 
And all in all, Insomnia is a part of a big picture. At least, that's how I've sensed it, and continue to feel so. Those few whom I've given words to, and the general group- I say, this is only a beginning.

Father's Day

Service was awesome and I had the most challenging duty till time. But all were good, and I literally felt so encouraged by the kids who read, recited, sang, performed and presented. Teach the child where he ought to go from young so that when he grows older, he will neither turn to the left nor to the right! Woo. What wisdom. 
And as the service concludes, mentioning several times about being a Father, I got reminded of my Godson, myself being a "Father" to someone, and it sank in deep. My heart sank into the depth of the grave- what a huge responsibility, what a huge privilege, what a huge call, and what a huge lesson to prepare myself for Fatherhood! I take on the Courageous creed in my heart and yearn for a sustenance to be a praying father- to have R always in my prayer and a genuine desire to see him grow and surpass me. God be my helper, and all these, the glory all goes to God! 

Love Fest 

It's a concept about love- the deep concept that stems from knowing God, and ultimately knowing that He is Love. I got myself involved in a fun skit about the prodigal (wasteful) Father, when it has always and usually been known as the prodigal son. As it got acted out, as I listened to the message of love, I was transforming from the inside. 
For the longest period, I was bothered, troubled by things that I could not explain. Yet, as I played out 2, and 1 came into view- I could identify. Head knowledge holds no volume when the relevance is not drawn, or for my case, has only be drawn on the brief surface. How I often wished and prayed in preset conditions that have totally gone off course- oh, I must focus on God! Oh, I gotta expect and sharpen my senses if not I would miss Him! Oh, I will do this! Oh, I shall not do that! The list goes on, and the heart conditions got tired in the end, even exhausted. Unaware and missing on this entire concept of grace- we don't earn it! Elsewhere, people who never worked for it, people like atheist students from China were part of amazing testimonies; and even friends who grow alongside us told of great wonders, crazy encounters like encountering angels and traveling between spaces and time! Phew, Mind-blowing! Haiz, frustrating! 
For the longest period, we look to others and ask why, but is blinded by our own riches. It's an amazing concept, unbounded by any human logic, space or time! And as I sat there, each word pounded against me like a wave on a barren beach- the water came up, and sinks into the depth of the dryness. This is love, and I was just so moved by the smiley character, one that brings calmness and peace; one that displays gentleness and tolerance; one that stems from a divine source that overflows due to a prodigal lavish! LOVE! 
"God is pleased with you!" I heard that for the forth time this year, and that affirmation goes beyond doubt. But does heart knowledge translate into genuine conviction? Frankly, I continue to struggle with it all the time, at least until the point before I let it go. Sitting there, tears welled up, tears dried, and they welled up again... Even as I stood there, so many things went through my mind- oh gosh, my eyes are opening (no I shall not doubt, keep it closed, I don't need to see); oh I'm swaying forward and backward (I will not resist); why is my heart racing (was I nervous); oh, that heat in the neck (is that God, or is that me); oh, Daniel is blowing in my face (am I supposed to fall)? If anything, I was so disturbed and distracted, that peace was the last word I would associate myself with. Yet, in the midst of all these, I swayed and the rest were all history. He hadn't pushed me like my previous encounter, but it felt far from those tangible crazy moments. And as I sat up, as I walked to the back to dwell in a secret place, I dazed out, almost losing consciousness. Had I dozed off? I doubt so (it felt like Insomnia morning)- I was out of my body, out of everything and perhaps even out of physical awareness! In the daze, I saw a multitude of people, then I saw a sketch of a creature: Lion face and a horse body. My response? I do not need to see You to know that You love me, and may I continue to dwell in Your presence. 
I do not know how You work, but I am sure that You will work. I do not ask why can't I; but I yearn to find out when I will. 
God, I love You! 

Your child,

Judah

It's not knowing about Him; it's knowing Him

Season in season out, I learn, unlearn, and relearn. 
Within me is a mixed emotion. Perhaps there has never been a time more real than this to realize the common saying about knowing Him instead of knowing about Him. 
It's an exciting season (still very much so even 6 months after the first declaration). Many believers, many of whom I have known and have not, are talking about the next revival, the approaching end time, the rising of a golden generation, and the optimism goes on. In congruence to it, I'm being increasingly exposed to novelties, having just attended my first Christian seminar 2 weeks back, and then signing up for even more of such; reading doctrinal challenging concepts in the likes of the Supernatural Ways of Royalty; discovering the deeper ends of this relationship, this identity, this royalty, this Love (so overwhelming). 
Yet, just as all these 'excitement' explosion takes place, in my heart is a tingling. It's a dissatisfaction that mirrors Einstein's lamentation about the more we know, the more we know that we don't know. O God, the closer I draw to You, the greater the desire to draw even closer. 
At this phase, friends are important, amongst whom my fellow brothers and sisters in-Christ matter the most in helping me stand rooted in my walk. Thank God for friends indeed!
And there are times when I became disappointed, even disheartened by a common misconception about me. The misunderstanding rendered me so helpless sometimes, and I wonder why can't You just take them away. But just as a loving Father would, You let me tumble my way under Your close supervision so that I may learn how to walk. Thank You for the promise in 1 Corinthians 10:13! 


Father, 
There are so many times when I doubted and questioned. There are so many times when I simply did not understand. Those frustrating moments, I can only thank You for Your patience, for putting up with my ignorance. I can't promise that will never happen again, but I just wanna make the commitment to turn back to You whenever that happens again. So for that 5 minutes or 10 minutes, I just wanna thank You so much for the already given grace and mercy, and the many good things You have already lined along my path that will help me see. Lord God, I pray for more revelations and an extra keen sensitivity toward You. Sometimes it's really hard to reconcile things, but I believe in Your timing I will see. I hope it's not too long a wait, but again You know when it's best for me...
You are still the Lover of my life! Thank You God!

Sentimental

At some point in our lives, we are bound to have felt that way. How Marina Keegan illustrated in her final article for Yale's paper, also her last in her life. For a long period, life has been so segmented and compartmentalized that I had seemed to be 2 or 3 replicas of myself in the different environments. I behaved differently- perhaps too caught up with any particular aspect. 
I pretty much had what she had- hall life, activities, chill-outs, friends, but because of the mini differences that I've grown to aware of that I shrunk. My personality has adapted to make these awkwardness feel natural- the deliberate disinterest toward the bigger community. 
Then I read Keegan's article- seemingly her farewell to her college life/friends to embark on a new phase in life, and ironically the finale of a new chapter which has yet to begin. It prompted me to look back and reassess how I have had spent my time. Learning how to enjoy silences and solitudes became excuses for me to shut myself away in the room. In contrast to Keegan's love and attachment to Yale, I began to wonder how would it be like when I finally finish my studies and head back to work...


Let's make something happen to this world- it starts with myself.

Little episodes that encouraged

I've always had the presumption that when God speaks, it has to be acknowledgeable. There was a short stint where I tried to convince myself that hearing God is so difficult, it's way easier to just attribute than to just look for it. Even for a young Christian like myself, the whole doctrine about God speaking through many means had already sunken in by then- that God speaks through the still small voice to Elijah, that God speaks through more than just words, that God can speak through people, speak through actions, speak through circumstances, speak through His Word (the bible) etc. A thousand and one possibilities and suggestions. 

But that one that I sought, continued to be elusive. From everything I could lend my hands on- from older Christians to published Christian books- rather than to explain why the selected groups of people whom seemed to have been given the privilege to hear His voice, literally, many sought to encourage by suggesting the otherwise- all the other possibilities all over again. Schmitz's "Can You Talk Louder God" and Max Lucado's "When God Whispers Your Name" offer me little comfort, albeit both being great books to discuss about improving our relationship with God.

I yearn to hear His audible voice, and even today my ears continue to be sticking out to capture any that might flit by. Yet, at this point in time, the relationship had improved in leaps and bounds. It is no less when instead of hearing, we began seeing. And it all points back to realigning the relationship. This is a deep relationship that goes to the most fundamental- in a relationship, there are 2 parties, and each got to know their role in it. This understanding is crucial, but so often lacks the emphasis it deserves. In our relationship with Daddy, we are the children. By knowing that we are the children, we are assured of our Father's love for us. Matthew 7:11 says "If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!" In the same passage in Luke 11:13, the good gifts were referred to as the Holy Spirit (NIV). This son-ship/ daughter-ship identifies us who believe in Him.

That brings us to the next revelation, that our Daddy is a King (1 Timothy 6:15). So as the King's children, that make us all Princes and Princesses in His Kingdom. This is what I like most in a recent read by Kris Vallotton called "The Supernatural Ways of Royalty". By knowing that we are His children is a great deal. It gives us courage (because our Daddy is powerful and reliable), it gives us security (because our Daddy is rich and has abundant for us), it gives us confidence (because we will inherit the riches of His Kingdom), it gives us empowerment (because His blood flows in us: we are made in His likeness/image (Genesis 1:27)), it delights us (because He loves us (John 3:16) and He gives us good gifts (Matthew 7:11) and He does not disappoint us (Romans 5:5), and the list goes on. By that, we can be assured that Daddy seeks to talk to us, and He selects and picks the best timing (Jeremiah 29:11) for His plan to unfold, and that includes how and when He speaks to us. 

In the recent days, I've had some pretty cool insights and encounter upon discovering my identity. 30 May 2012, I joined my 2 friends on a prayer walk and that was the first time the word of knowledge came upon me. Does it compare to hearing His audible voice, I reckon so. And when it comes, I ought to be able to live my spiritual life in a physical body already instead of living a physical life with a spirit. This word of knowledge had bypassed my conscience, and I probably would not even have realized if not for affirmation. There's a man who is going for an operation (and that information probably came at about late afternoon, 4/5-ish), I asked about the leg (that came at about 7), and the friend told me she had not told me anything about the leg. How had I known about it? I really don't know, and the 2 possibilities were that I got myself confused because I drew relations to another lady whom I've prayed for just a week before who really had a leg condition, or that God gave me that knowledge. Of course I would have wanted it to be the latter, but I was skeptical and I told Him, "if that knowledge is from You, reveal more of it to me, in a way that I can only attribute it to You, not confusion, not coincidence, but solely You." And then L called, and while talking to her, I somehow knew it's the knee. She had purposefully withheld the information from me, but the knowledge just came. I somehow just knew. So I asked for more details so that I could pray for him before the 30 May, but she told me to ask Him. It was a long drawn night, and I tried so hard, but nothing sinks in. On 30 May, while I was on my way to Chinatown, I was almost convinced that I'll just make a guess. In me, I was just so certain that it must have been the right knee. I mean by sheer logic, the right knee is so much more likely to suffer from strain and tear, but that knowledge refused to come. While at that, I had a massive ache in my left neck area, which I didn't pay much attention to. So off we headed to the Chinatown area, and had a fruitful time ministering to about 5 oldies. While on the way to meet that man, I sought affirmation (L knew exactly the condition) but she told me to ask him myself. When I met him, I did. It's the left knee area, and it was correct. Logic failed me, and ignorance bogged me, but the knowledge came. It's not even a guess because there was no need or intention for that at all. Has God spoken to me? I would say yes, though not the audible one that I had craved for. But this new confidence found in knowing my identity in Christ, and my relationship with God suggest that it's not really that important after all.

Today, that same sentiment applies- that it is easier to acknowledge than to seek His voice- but it is with a different attitude and mentality. Not one of helplessness like before, but one of gratitude. In this relationship, He gives good gifts, and He is the good Initiator. Our roles in it- to receive and thank Him. It is an active relationship on our side, and He listens keenly to our proposals and requests, but He sieves out the best for us in His all-knowing capacity. It is not work but grace through which the relationship blossoms, and that alone inspires plenty of gratitude (Ephesians 2:8).

Thank You indeed!

Your child, Prince Judah <3

Your grace poured out, flattens the little boy's pout.
Jubilee invades the shades of grey;
Light penetrates, and hopes restored this day.
Thank You Lord for all that I've been;
I pray O Lord that there'll be so much more to be seen!

2 Samuel 6:14
"David, wearing a linen ephod, danced before the Lord with all his might."

MOGLOM- my 21st blessing

I've uploaded a book which I've written as a form of 21st birthday blessing. Interested parties are welcomed to leave a comment to get the access code. The link to it is as follows: http://www.4shared.com/office/6a9epZpE/More_Of_God_Less_Of_Me__not_to.html

Author: Judah

Illustrator: Chan De Qi

Imageries taken from various websites