I don't care, what they are going to say~
It is painful business. Innately, we are created with a desire for betterment, to be discontented, to yearn for more. When we began to settle for less, therein produces a dissonance, a deep discomfort. Jealousy or "The field is always greener on the other side" syndrome, so I term it continues to baffle. It is a taboo; socially constructed to be a taboo- a sign of ungratefulness and greed.
Yet, humanity continues to struggle; struggle to deal with the throbbing voice in the head, struggle to figure out if that is indeed all there is to life, struggle to wonder what could have been, struggle to fathom the what-ifs. Self-management was drawn in broad-strokes to push the blame to the individuals- the reason why you struggle is because you are weak, you have poor self-management, your value-system is flawed. It is discouraging, dampening, and difficult.
3 times I entertained thoughts of quitting. I thought I have had enough. Leaving was the easier way out, but I did not want it to become a pattern in my life- to quit at every resistance, even though these ones were much more intense than before. Therefore, I stuck by. I complained a lot, but I stuck by. The social science people talk about "emitting negative energy". I embodied that notion, and my presence epitomised it. I complained, a lot, really.
5 years on from the time I decided to stick by, I am glad that I did.
1. Sticking by
In life you have 3 buckets. 1 bucket represents the people whom you are dealing with, 1 the environment or the situation that we are in, and 1 yourself. You transfer the water between these buckets to attain the equilibrium that you so desire. The catch is that none of these 3 buckets are identical. It is easy desire to want to change the first 2, but the efforts required do not reciprocate. It is tough decision to change the 3rd, but at least the efforts required is in our hands.
In going through difficult and windy routes, the arrival at the destination became a little more worthwhile. On top of that, the hindsight we gain at each reflective juncture could be very heartening too- to see how much we have grown (and matured).
2. Sticking by gives us the clarity of mind. Sticking by for a little while is akin to us entering a warm outdoor from an air-conditioned place- our glasses fog up before we could react, and it takes a while for us to see clearly again. Sticking by delays a rash decision (TO NOT JUST ACT) to pass a judgment.
Our initial convictions can come strong and hard that they block out every other voice that entails. I couldn't worship in church for 3 weeks after coming back from a mission trip because the setup felt too hypocritical. First-world people with their silly first-world problems were laughable non-issues compared to the life-and-death, the struggle to make ends meet, the sacrifices and the desolations. So understandably, that was one of my 3 stints of wanting to leave, very very badly. Talking christianese irked me badly, and I withdrew. Yet I stuck by (not by my own strength because I genuinely wanted to leave, so I think God kept me there, by His grace).
Today, I continue to struggle with many of these self-righteous attitude of mine, because (admit it) there are many professed christians who are just pure annoying. So I shot myself in the leg when I said delay the rash decision to pass a judgment. Here is not the ideal platform to debate about the theological standpoint/definition for biblical "judgment". What I meant is this: we continue to be entitled to our own views, beliefs and every right to feel aggrieved, as per before. But I urge all of us to not put the nail on the coffin. That is to say, judge, inconclusively. It is in the blood of every bible-believing Christians to be hopeful; so to partner with hopelessness is... BAD, very bad.
No matter how bad a situation is, the person we are dealing with is, the bleakness of the future is, a sight that is set upon the Lord would see possibility. Even in deaths, we see heaven.
Countless times in history, God transformed the hearts of people like Matthew, Zacchaeus, and Paul. Paul himself said "Christ came to the world to save the sinners, amongst whom he is the worst". If God could change the worst sinner, then what more the annoying neighbour, colleague or even the churchgoer who sits beside us in the pew every Sunday?
3. Sticking by creates a grateful (gracious) heart. By acknowledging what is God's portion and what is our portion, we can let God be God. In first John, it is said that those who do not love their brothers who they can see cannot love God whom they do not see. There is deep wisdom in the emphasis of relationships with men. I suspect one of the main purposes is a mirror. By showing a little grace, we realize the vastness of the grace we have received from Him, and that makes us grateful.
4. Sticking by builds relationship. When I look at how Jesus pursued Peter or how God pursued Jonah, I am greatly humbled. God being all-knowing, had every reason to feel wronged, frustrated and even aggrieved- I could totally imagine the number of face-palm moments if the narratives had been modernized. Yet, the pursuit was relentless. I believe it was also this relentlessness that deepened, touched and transformed. Proverbs 17:17 "a friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity."
I don't mean we deny our humanity and transform into saints who don't get angry nor upset. I took time off from a friend of ten years due to some seemingly unresolvable conflict, and it was a good whole year of oblivion toward each other's life. Ideal being ideal, conflicts happen and sometimes it's just too painful to press on. But can I suggest, if it's not resolvable between the two, then at least resolve it within yourself- neutralize the anger. We don't have to be as intimate as we used to be, but the anger should not linger for too long.
Know our friend as a fellow human, and extend that same kind of grace that we have received ourselves.
5. Sticking by builds faith. Many times we give up because we look at the foreseeable future and conclude that it's not possible, at least humanly. Abraham hung onto the promise and received Isaac when he was 100 years old; Joshua persisted and finally saw the promised land after 40 years; David persisted in the cave and lived a precarious life for 16 years before ascending the throne. Many times when things become super tough, it becomes very difficult to continue trusting, especially when much is at stake- future, security, credibility, relationships etc. That is also when we have taken our eyes off whom we can trust. Sticking by is an ultimate form of surrender whereby we look all around us (360 degree left-right, front-back, up-down all dimensionally) and know that now I can't, so God has to come through.
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