When I see not, then faith shall be my eye.
I am a turning-4-years-old Christian, and through this period of getting to know Him, I have been transformed in some ways which had pretty much evaded my attention. My attitude toward life, toward friends, toward people around me, toward myself, toward situation, have all taken a revolution. I dare not say I have become more holy, but I certainly hope that I have grown closer to Him, and the testament that I have become more God-centred is definitely a most-welcome compliment. And all these, I have only gratitude for Him.
13th May 2012.
It was Friday, the 13th. The tabooed day of the folklore.
Whether that particular day had been inauspicious, I have come through numerous of such. Statistics have it that it's not that difficult for a month's 13th day to fall on a Friday after all. However, this particular one, this one in May 2012, gave me a good prompt.
The monthly prayer and praise took place a week later than usual due to the first Friday of the month being Good Friday. It was an unusual environment, and I was a different me from the previous time I was there. 4 years on, during which I have surrendered much, yet blessed much more; hurt much, yet comforted much more; lost much, yet gained much more, that night was going to be another one of those big nights.
Pastor prophesied over me. "A different path, a different journey, one that is different from everyone; there could be troubles, struggles or sacrifices, but it will bring glory; glory to Him."
Pleasure, honor, prestige, excitement- this revelation would have been all of these if it had not been a second time. Slightly more than a month back, someone else told me almost exactly the same thing. It had seem like a heads-up for me more than anything else. After all, I am still a fresh undergrad, and even after that I would have a 4 year bond to fulfill. However good/cool it sounded, to me it all belongs to a distant future, of which I would gladly just wait in anticipation. 2 months on, it came back again. But why? IF it's for the distant future when I'm finally 28, then why that revelation again? Reminder? Prompt? Urge?
Then came 2 or 3 sleepless nights (I cannot remember), the first of which gave me a weird impression. Medical condition, sounds like something that came from myself (except that this time round, it didn't feel like it). The pieces of jig-saw will fall into place eventually, but for a while I was knocked over. Confusion took over, hesitation, reluctance- the thing was buried, but the faith is returning. He will see me through indeed.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Friday, April 6, 2012
Maundy Thursday
Daddy,
Season comes season goes, but You alone stand still and do not waver. I have had my fair bit of spiritual highs and lows, and in all these I just want to give You thanks for all of them. Even occasions where I might have developed the tendency to grow numb towards, occasions where I simply just overlook and fail to capture Your delicate movements in my life, occasions where I take for granted and assume one too many matter-of-course, I just want to commit that aspect of my life back into Your hands. Lord, take it from me and may You just grant me the sensitivity, the compassionate heart, and help me to understand and perceive the right feelings I should sense, the ways of Jesus. Help me to continue to be hopeful and joyful in the knowledge that You are near, and help me to understand Your heart.
On this maundy Thursday, when a certain friend question about the significance of such a term, Lord, I just want to commit this day into Your hands. It's a day of thanksgiving, an ironical arrangement when the best piece of news has to take place on the same day as occurrence of the Heaven's tragedy. O lord, how should we, that You would give Your Son for us when we were still sinners. We have so much iniquities- even at this moment as I write this blog, my ungratefulness prompted distractions from sneezing and even a lackluster efforts for a deliberate dedication- of time, of attention, of self.
Some years back, I watched Passion of the Christ, and many commented that what You had gone through were many many times more- how can I fathom, but yet the knowledge faded with time. Like how You had been disappointed in the Garden of Gethsemane- Lord, help me to not doze off, and at each command and each calling You have given me, I seek that You will continually fill me and replenish, for a divine source of strength I have in You, and I want to claim the promise You made about those who are weary can come to You and not faint. So Lord, I pray for a rebuilding, that You will continually search my heart, and much like the God's chisel, You will just break me down in accordance to Your will and design.
Lord, those rant about the wake, even those about the closure, I have gone through a bit, nothing comparable, yet I pray for favor and discernment that those will indeed be pleasing in Your sight, that all those will bring glory to Your name as I seek to act in obedience.
Lord, as I come to the end of the semester, and perhaps the transition to a new season, I pray for revelation. Each stint of excitement I have had when serving You, I pray for You to sustain them and keep the flame burning for You. That each time, I will find joy in the anticipation for Your great works to be unfold, and through all these, I want to give You thanks for the privilege to be an active participant and observer of Your good works!
I just want to pray for R, E, B, K that indeed, You will just guard their heart, and as they go through this season in life, this season of growing and seeking and exploring new things, You will reign mightily in their lives. In Jesus name, I proclaim Your protection upon their development, that indeed boundaries will be set up to keep them within the Holy standards that You have yearned for. Lord, purify their heart, and raise them up to become true men and woman who are after Your heart. Lord, I commit them into Your hands, and pray indeed, for Your favor to be upon them, that indeed in all things, they will be able to see traces of Your mighty intervention, that they will have no worries, but to just go in faith and hope to proclaim boldly Your goodness in their lives!
All these, I just want to continue to give You praise and thanks!
In Christ's most precious name I pray,
Amen!
Season comes season goes, but You alone stand still and do not waver. I have had my fair bit of spiritual highs and lows, and in all these I just want to give You thanks for all of them. Even occasions where I might have developed the tendency to grow numb towards, occasions where I simply just overlook and fail to capture Your delicate movements in my life, occasions where I take for granted and assume one too many matter-of-course, I just want to commit that aspect of my life back into Your hands. Lord, take it from me and may You just grant me the sensitivity, the compassionate heart, and help me to understand and perceive the right feelings I should sense, the ways of Jesus. Help me to continue to be hopeful and joyful in the knowledge that You are near, and help me to understand Your heart.
On this maundy Thursday, when a certain friend question about the significance of such a term, Lord, I just want to commit this day into Your hands. It's a day of thanksgiving, an ironical arrangement when the best piece of news has to take place on the same day as occurrence of the Heaven's tragedy. O lord, how should we, that You would give Your Son for us when we were still sinners. We have so much iniquities- even at this moment as I write this blog, my ungratefulness prompted distractions from sneezing and even a lackluster efforts for a deliberate dedication- of time, of attention, of self.
Some years back, I watched Passion of the Christ, and many commented that what You had gone through were many many times more- how can I fathom, but yet the knowledge faded with time. Like how You had been disappointed in the Garden of Gethsemane- Lord, help me to not doze off, and at each command and each calling You have given me, I seek that You will continually fill me and replenish, for a divine source of strength I have in You, and I want to claim the promise You made about those who are weary can come to You and not faint. So Lord, I pray for a rebuilding, that You will continually search my heart, and much like the God's chisel, You will just break me down in accordance to Your will and design.
Lord, those rant about the wake, even those about the closure, I have gone through a bit, nothing comparable, yet I pray for favor and discernment that those will indeed be pleasing in Your sight, that all those will bring glory to Your name as I seek to act in obedience.
Lord, as I come to the end of the semester, and perhaps the transition to a new season, I pray for revelation. Each stint of excitement I have had when serving You, I pray for You to sustain them and keep the flame burning for You. That each time, I will find joy in the anticipation for Your great works to be unfold, and through all these, I want to give You thanks for the privilege to be an active participant and observer of Your good works!
I just want to pray for R, E, B, K that indeed, You will just guard their heart, and as they go through this season in life, this season of growing and seeking and exploring new things, You will reign mightily in their lives. In Jesus name, I proclaim Your protection upon their development, that indeed boundaries will be set up to keep them within the Holy standards that You have yearned for. Lord, purify their heart, and raise them up to become true men and woman who are after Your heart. Lord, I commit them into Your hands, and pray indeed, for Your favor to be upon them, that indeed in all things, they will be able to see traces of Your mighty intervention, that they will have no worries, but to just go in faith and hope to proclaim boldly Your goodness in their lives!
All these, I just want to continue to give You praise and thanks!
In Christ's most precious name I pray,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| The darkest moment in preparation; In Garden G. my Lord cried in desperation. A lonely forlorn figure, destined to be abandoned by even the closest disciple. "Spare me from this agony" my Lord plead, Yet with eyes fixed on the fulfillment of Your purpose, He humbly concede. "Let Your will be done", thus, the Love message has come. With Mercy lavished, the withholding of what we deserve; And Grace given, the outpouring of that we do not deserve. Matthew 26: 56 "But this has all taken place that the writings of the prophets might be fulfilled." |
Sunday, April 1, 2012
the good, the bad, the in-between
A taste of life- 人生的滋味－ 涩涩的，苦苦的，甜甜的，酸酸的。
三天，短暂的三天，仿佛经历生命快程列车 。一切的一切，毫无保留，赤裸裸的展现在我眼前。并非我所要求；若有选择，谁不希望人生这道菜只有单味－那就是甜。
It's been an eventful 3 days. How can I complain when the Libyans and the Malians are struggling to survive in hot waters each day; much less an overwhelmingly incomparable use of the term "eventful". I have been receiving newsletter update from Partners Intl and Samaritan's Purse, having made a couple of donations via the organization previously. 生活在水深火热之中，马利与黎巴嫩国民天天与枪火搏斗，生活之困苦若没亲身体会，又怎能明白? 或许科技发达；或许搓手无策，世间惨案播报的普遍率似乎替人类打了一计特强麻醉药，面对生命的流逝，我产生了一种默然。Lord Jesus, grant me the kind of compassion for Your people, and help me to be like You, that even I may be far, even I may not know them, help me to know how You feel, and help me to yearn for the salvation of many as You have done so.
I dare not make any audacious claim, but I guess it's a different kind of struggle altogether at this part of the world, something which most of what our people can comprehend, something closer to home; something closer to heart- Results, relationship, and the infrequent occurrences of deaths; the passing on of a close one.
生命中有许多moments. We always talk about capturing the special moments: a baby's first cry, the graduation day, the blissful wedding etc. 可是在我们捕抓的当儿，却也错过了许多的理所当然－父母的慈爱，妻子的体贴，孩子的孝顺。这样的时刻，常常都是 beyond words 的。 期盼好久的一个 closure, 四年困惑的解脱， as if to be glued on the lips. It was with so much difficulty and delay to get those words out- not much, but just enough to express what I needed. Now, I just need to form the resolve and cling onto it- to remind myself that this is how it has finally closed. A closed case indeed!
朋友父亲的丧礼，left me thinking about possibilities: would I have all these good words to say when it's finally my turn, how about his salvation.
啊，好漫长的一周，发生了太多太多。疯狂的时间表终于接近尾声。欢喜之余，人生的另一阶段也即将展开。蠢蠢欲动，那种感觉曰"excitement". 四个月前的预言；这的确是一个令人兴奋的一年。放下过去，embrace what is to come.
"God has already healed me; I just need to stop hurting myself."
三天，短暂的三天，仿佛经历生命快程列车 。一切的一切，毫无保留，赤裸裸的展现在我眼前。并非我所要求；若有选择，谁不希望人生这道菜只有单味－那就是甜。
It's been an eventful 3 days. How can I complain when the Libyans and the Malians are struggling to survive in hot waters each day; much less an overwhelmingly incomparable use of the term "eventful". I have been receiving newsletter update from Partners Intl and Samaritan's Purse, having made a couple of donations via the organization previously. 生活在水深火热之中，马利与黎巴嫩国民天天与枪火搏斗，生活之困苦若没亲身体会，又怎能明白? 或许科技发达；或许搓手无策，世间惨案播报的普遍率似乎替人类打了一计特强麻醉药，面对生命的流逝，我产生了一种默然。Lord Jesus, grant me the kind of compassion for Your people, and help me to be like You, that even I may be far, even I may not know them, help me to know how You feel, and help me to yearn for the salvation of many as You have done so.
I dare not make any audacious claim, but I guess it's a different kind of struggle altogether at this part of the world, something which most of what our people can comprehend, something closer to home; something closer to heart- Results, relationship, and the infrequent occurrences of deaths; the passing on of a close one.
生命中有许多moments. We always talk about capturing the special moments: a baby's first cry, the graduation day, the blissful wedding etc. 可是在我们捕抓的当儿，却也错过了许多的理所当然－父母的慈爱，妻子的体贴，孩子的孝顺。这样的时刻，常常都是 beyond words 的。 期盼好久的一个 closure, 四年困惑的解脱， as if to be glued on the lips. It was with so much difficulty and delay to get those words out- not much, but just enough to express what I needed. Now, I just need to form the resolve and cling onto it- to remind myself that this is how it has finally closed. A closed case indeed!
朋友父亲的丧礼，left me thinking about possibilities: would I have all these good words to say when it's finally my turn, how about his salvation.
啊，好漫长的一周，发生了太多太多。疯狂的时间表终于接近尾声。欢喜之余，人生的另一阶段也即将展开。蠢蠢欲动，那种感觉曰"excitement". 四个月前的预言；这的确是一个令人兴奋的一年。放下过去，embrace what is to come.
"God has already healed me; I just need to stop hurting myself."
~Judah, March 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
God's goodness in everyday life (little testimony)
Today we had a tutorial on the sociology of religion, and many of the discussion questions were centered upon Christianity, especially with reference to the recent crusade incident.
Today, one of my Christian friends crashed the tutorial, and together with this other guy from crusade, we were being split into the 3 corners in the class in different discussion groups (I believe it's God's divine design). I don't know about the other groups but I firmly believe that all had been fruitful. When it's time for sharing, there were many instances where Christianity in particular was being persecuted, how the adoption of terms such as armor, crusade connote a notion of aggressiveness in the advertisement/packaging in religion competition (as had been phrased).
I just want to thank God for the courage that the three of us had been able to stand up for our faith, to clear misconception and clarify misjudgment non-believers have of us. It's a very fruitful discussion, and the lecturer even acknowledged some of our points.
It feels really good, and for the first time, I feel proud about my identity in Christ, and how we have been able to correct in peace.
My friend shared that for the first time, she caught a glimpse of how being persecuted feels like (rephrased*), and if it's really that, I think I caught a glimpse of how James rejoice in his sufferings, and how Paul consider it a privilege to suffer for Christ! ♥
Tuesday, March 27, 2012
Final
I feel small. 生命中的一百万件事，其中就被那么一件挫败。 打倒的心情不好受，一种莫名的渺小， 曰：‘恐惧’。 毛毛的感觉，害怕历史的重演；另一方面，则忙着把碎裂的缺空铺上。生命陷入无前例的混乱， I was lost...
Some years of recovery, 别人笑我傻。意味的纠缠，嘴上是说放下了，但是心中的痛楚又有谁可以明白？ 像根斩不断的荆，悄悄的，穗穗的，回忆偶尔的浮现折腾得我好累。
I am so tired. 直到哪一天，我终于能随心畅谈的时候，或许就是时候放手了吧。
I had a dream sometime back- It was not at all pleasant. Perhaps a certain part in me had still been clinging to an unrealistic hope, but it's time to let go. I saw the dream, I felt the pain. 慌了的心，手忙脚乱，只想快快告知。然而，梦不以为然。helpless, 只好默默接受。 The doll that floated away- Affinity or Destiny alike, 全都属于过去。
崭新的开始，虔心的祷告，周五之会，I will be able to say it out. 或许这么长的一段时间早已让感情淡去，我也搞不清执着为什么。But within me, unless I say it out; 除非我你面对面。或许会很痛... 也许我们别无选择... 咬紧牙根，may the strength of our faithful Daddy sustain me and see me through.
以耶稣之圣名，阿门！
Saturday, March 24, 2012
A warrior for the Word
Daddy,
I dislike coming to You just to present only my requests, so Lord, I just want to come to You today to spend time with You. There has been so much that had been going on despite the perceivably easy week, but I am just glad that I have yet come through another week by Your strength.
This week I have been rather active in prayer, and I'm sure Your mail box must be full now if my mails have been delivered. I mean, if each request had been transcribed and mailed to Heavens... That's a lot of letters to go, but Lord I am just thankful for You to be willing to continually receive and read my petition to You, senseless or not.
Daddy, how does it hurt when I have no relationship with a stranger. Teach me Your ways and I pray for You to give me Your compassion, that I may feel and understand Your heart. It's a delicate quest, a meek one, but Lord, also a pleasing one in Your sight. Help me Lord, and as I come to You each day, be it through the Word, or through prayers, lamentations, complaints, I just want to pray for You to help me establish a basis for all these in Your love, for there can be many gifts under the sky, but without love they count for nothing (rephrased from Your Word). Teach me and mould me Lord!
In Christ's most precious name I pray,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| Lonely night, the barn's door creaked, stealthy feet, darting eyes caught a peek. onto the haystack I lay my butt, a peace in the silence, the comfort who can rebut? my Holy place, Your secret place; the time spent in Your presence; likened to a life's precious fragrance. Proverbs 3:24 "When you lie down, you will not be afraid; when you lie down; your sleep will be sweet." |
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Too mature
Daddy,
When age catches up with time, it feels as though I have lived a great deal of time. Words like 'moment' become loaded with emotions, and the evasive 'feel' takes over as a big part of the experience. I remain skeptical, and remain cautious about making too much out of this- for a roaring tiger lurks in its schemes and the deceitful heart waits to make its pounce.
Daddy, I don't know if I have been thinking too much, but if true joy comes from only You and You alone, and knowing too much somehow seems to reduce the amount of joy in me, does that justify the saying that 'ignorance is indeed bliss'?
This week is a restful week, well supposedly so, and I really look to a proper rest. Daddy, I always seem to be inching along the thin line before exhaustion, but Lord I pray for You to take me far from it. Help me to discover that source that You have promised!
Daddy, I also want to pray for my cell. I thank You for the ernest hearts and whatever excitement that looms amongst us for we know of a promise and of a hope You have for us. So Lord, I just want to commit my sheep into Your hands- Ryan, Benjamin, Keith, Elinor, and Joseph. Lord, I pray for You to reveal and show Your purpose to us, and help us to pace after the steps that You have taken before us!
As for the leader's cell Lord, I wanna commit it into Your hands too, and I pray for You to help us to look beyond ourselves, but really to look to You. Take us from where we are and guard us from all lies, that we may truly grow in Your Word and not depart from it, and indeed be able to impart that knowledge in You to our sheep.
Finally Lord, I pray for Charm. I really want to thank You for her heart, her willingness to serve You. You have seen her go through many, and You have helped her grow much. So Lord, as she prepares and awaits in anticipation and excitement for a journey with You, Lord, I pray for You to guard her heart and keep her close. Lord, I do not know the best blessings, but in Your abundance, You will provide and lavish unto her unconditionally. For as long as she stays close to You, the evil one will not be able to come close, so indeed Lord, I just pray for Your presence to be with her throughout, that You will cast Your protection over her and really make this an eye opening experience to not only allow her to witness Your wonders, but to have an intimate encounter with You. Speak to her daily, and let that conversation with You be a source of her strength to face each day. Lord, I pray for Your anointing upon this team, that indeed Your love will overflow in their lives, and into their lives, that they will be richly blessed in Your divine ways. Daddy, I pray for You to really keep her close to You and to continually speak to her and guide her onto the paths You have designed and help her to sense You and grant her an obedience that Your goodness will entail!
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!
When age catches up with time, it feels as though I have lived a great deal of time. Words like 'moment' become loaded with emotions, and the evasive 'feel' takes over as a big part of the experience. I remain skeptical, and remain cautious about making too much out of this- for a roaring tiger lurks in its schemes and the deceitful heart waits to make its pounce.
Daddy, I don't know if I have been thinking too much, but if true joy comes from only You and You alone, and knowing too much somehow seems to reduce the amount of joy in me, does that justify the saying that 'ignorance is indeed bliss'?
This week is a restful week, well supposedly so, and I really look to a proper rest. Daddy, I always seem to be inching along the thin line before exhaustion, but Lord I pray for You to take me far from it. Help me to discover that source that You have promised!
Daddy, I also want to pray for my cell. I thank You for the ernest hearts and whatever excitement that looms amongst us for we know of a promise and of a hope You have for us. So Lord, I just want to commit my sheep into Your hands- Ryan, Benjamin, Keith, Elinor, and Joseph. Lord, I pray for You to reveal and show Your purpose to us, and help us to pace after the steps that You have taken before us!
As for the leader's cell Lord, I wanna commit it into Your hands too, and I pray for You to help us to look beyond ourselves, but really to look to You. Take us from where we are and guard us from all lies, that we may truly grow in Your Word and not depart from it, and indeed be able to impart that knowledge in You to our sheep.
Finally Lord, I pray for Charm. I really want to thank You for her heart, her willingness to serve You. You have seen her go through many, and You have helped her grow much. So Lord, as she prepares and awaits in anticipation and excitement for a journey with You, Lord, I pray for You to guard her heart and keep her close. Lord, I do not know the best blessings, but in Your abundance, You will provide and lavish unto her unconditionally. For as long as she stays close to You, the evil one will not be able to come close, so indeed Lord, I just pray for Your presence to be with her throughout, that You will cast Your protection over her and really make this an eye opening experience to not only allow her to witness Your wonders, but to have an intimate encounter with You. Speak to her daily, and let that conversation with You be a source of her strength to face each day. Lord, I pray for Your anointing upon this team, that indeed Your love will overflow in their lives, and into their lives, that they will be richly blessed in Your divine ways. Daddy, I pray for You to really keep her close to You and to continually speak to her and guide her onto the paths You have designed and help her to sense You and grant her an obedience that Your goodness will entail!
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!
Your child,
Judah
 |
| Time is in His hands; when the bell rings for me to enter His promised land. Fast it may have felt; slow now that it seems; A long time through life's struggles; a blink the joyous moments flit. Turning old, I give thanks for each God-given new day; Awaiting the ring of the bell, in full anticipation of a return home. Romans 16: 19 "Everyone has heard about your obedience, so I am full of joy over you; but I want you to be wise about what is good, and innocent about what is evil." |
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