The saying rings loud in the ears of many today: "the higher the expectations, the greater the disappointments." This comes from a defeatist mentality: I've tried and failed so many times, and the feeling sucks. So maybe... If I don't expect as much, it'd hurt less. And if I expect little and I exceed my expectations, it'll be... Wonderful! Maybe I can even label myself as the overachiever!
This sounded so familiar to myself and I just got reminded of my first ever good quote when I was 17. Anything could be used as excuses for us to give up, but they certainly don't form good enough reasons for us to not try hard. It's pretty self-explanatory...
Where then do we place over-expectations I came through a tough phase where I was constantly angry for a period of maybe 3 years. How many of us recognize that over-expectation is one of the main contributors of failed relationships. Recall: why can't you just? Or, if only... Sounds familiar? Over expectations are synonymous to discontentment.
So so so... Where do we strike the balance?! Like seriously where?
Thus far, it seems like having low expectations triumphs over the latter. We can feel wonderful, less disappointed etc. But can I also suggest, low expectations is like slow poison, gradually but surely, it seeps away your life, both literally and analogically.
1. Low expectations drive us to abandon our dreams. We convinced ourselves that those dreams are too lofty, and they are out of reach.
2. Low expectations give us a false sense of satisfaction, but truly it's only self-deception. Imagine going for a marathon, and we only expect to finish 2km, and we got all ecstatic as we crossed that mark... Everyone else around would have recognized that it's barely the beginning, and it only leaves the onlookers to wonder what could have been. It's one thing to live independent of others' opinions; it's the other to live in our own bubble world.
3. Low expectations drive us to seek quick fixes to any problem. Often, low expectations prevent us from seeing the root of the problem. We see a situation and we try our best to address the symptoms of the problems. After a while, the symptoms disappear, and then we pretend as if nothing happened. Have we ever had experiences where we thought something is settled, but one year, 2 years, or even 5 years later, we find déjà vu in the kind of situation we are handling? I empathize deeply with this: my case was one whereby I actively sought out relationships after relationships to "make up" for a void within? The figure is ridiculous- I had at least 10 flings and even that is a very conservative figure. When we don't recognize values in the issue and only view upon them as problems to be solved, we are under-expecting already. There is something that can be derived out of any situation, and if we catch that, the outcome would be tremendously different. Oh by the way, the way we deal with it will be drastically different as well.
4. Low expectations prevent us from reaching our potential. This is linked to point 2. Usually low expectations are birthed out from fear, most often than not in the guise of practicality. What I have next is going to hurt: how many of us want to travel the world, but stop short at working first, save enough money then chase that dream? The good news is we are indeed gonna save some good money. The bad one: that day when we have enough would never come, ie. that dream will never be achieved. This is very very sad!!!! I saw many successful businessmen who are not happy, but I haven't quite met any poor dream chaser who is sad. This false sense of need for security acts like thick chains of restraint, so much so that while we say we live in freedom, we constantly struggle to beat the clasp of the system. Because we dare not expect that the experience from the adventure will outweigh that need for security, that the time would work against our route of advancement, that uncertainty is bad and not worth the risk.
5. Low expectation is one of the biggest source of regret. It's always the what could have been that bites back at us in our old age. If I had been more bold and went after that girl, if I had taken up that offer to go overseas, if I had bothered to talk things out with him/her, if only... See whenever we have an uncertain situation, the default mode we've set ourselves into is to expect the worst. It's gonna waste time, waste money, hurt people, spoil friendships, etc. how about, it'll be fun, it'll be fine, it'll be awesome, our friendship will become stronger. Availability bias: don't think of a pink elephant and what are you thinking about now? I'm not advocating blind optimism, but hey I ever heard an awesome teaching which goes like that: if you live in marriage as if you are forever preventing a divorce, then you will never find that fullness in the marriage. By the way, Kris Vallotton said this, and I find it applicable across many things: we don't live life as if we are attempting to prevent failure. Or think with me, we are in a game of soccer, and say our opponent is the great and mighty Barcelona. If we plan our strategies forever working around preventing Barcelona from scoring, we will be playing like Everton, or stoke city or crystal palace. We throw all over 11 men behind the line, and football pundits and managers alike began criticizing us saying that we don't play the game as it should be played and it's "ugly". Above all, we don't really win much, and if we do, it's usually by a 1/1000000 chance. Now let us turn to the Bayern Munich of 2012/13 season, they had a strategy that is not built around Barcelona, but instead around the strength of the German teams- physical fitness and collective work rate- and the result: two of the world's biggest Spanish teams in Barcelona and Real Madrid got a thumping at home 0-4 and 0-5 for the first time in their glorious domination years.
6. Low expectations shortchange us. It's a little bit like investments in the stock market. The bigger returns usually involve a greater risk- so does that mean reckless risk taking? No? I don't want us to bankrupt in life. But take informed good risk. More often than not, low expectations are so justified in the society that they become good enough reasons to mask our lack of effort to even try. In other words, low expectation is only a nice excuse for our laziness. Recall: don't worry about my results, I don't really care. Not being bothered by bad results doesn't mean don't even try working hard at it. Remember the spirit of excellence! They look alike, but they are not the same. The first tries hard and leaves the rest to God; the latter indulge themselves in pleasure and then score badly and they say "o come what may, whatever God gives me I will accept." The latter has the form of a God-fearing man, but truly God is being made a scapegoat in our irresponsible and poor stewardship of God-given time.
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