4- blown away

Father,
I'm blown away- that strong sentiment of being touched, of being in Your hand, that assurance that You have heard me. It's just so so so much beyond words. I mean, I tried dwelling in Your presence, I tried focusing so hard to listen to Your voices, I even prayed for the gifts that You have instructed us to pray for, but many times, all these seem to be in vain. I feel so weak, and perhaps small. That behind the facade of the confidence, masked by that smirk, stands a forlorn figure- too exhausted, too insecure, too dubious? 
Living out a Christian life isn't that difficult- by not swearing, we have already completed half the portrait; by doing infrequent quiet time, we are already a lot better than so many who don't even bother to attempt; by raising a barricade to seemingly mark out the discipline zone would perhaps place us on a moral ground high enough. Yet, living in a Christian life shakes the previous claim. Of not the same level of discipline in the private sphere; of a genuine intention to seek and draw close to Him; that Godly love overflows into every relationship in lives. That, is very very difficult. You said it won't be easy to follow You, but every step we take, You have already taken before us. That intimacy, I just yearned for an encounter, to finally hear You, see You, or just simply feel You. 
For weeks, I have heard wonderful things happening. From the school's crusade page to the social circles around me, people are sharing about how You have prompted them and given them these many opportunities to be participants in Your works. Sometimes I just drift away. I understand the kind of envy or even frustration many harbor. "Am I not good enough?" The knowledge that it is by faith and not deeds prove insufficient to help me shake away such resentment. The more I see, the more I crave, the harder I try, and perhaps naturally the more blind/deaf I become as my own attempts cloud all Your revelations that You have intended for me. Indeed, if to do more is to do less, that hearing You means to simply just wait on You and await Your guidance, Lord, help me.
Just less than half-an-hour back, I got swept off my feet. What a wonderful episode! Nothing extraordinary, just an email with an appreciation but it means so much to me, really a lot a lot. Yet, I choose to believe and acknowledge that it is by Your divine intervention that such ordinary acts can be transformed into what it has been for me. The timing of the event, the frame of mind at this instance, the occurrences over the past few weeks (perhaps not just only on my side, but on D and E's sides as well) have but all seemed to be a preparation for Your goodness to unfold before our eyes. I'm really grateful, and I continue to pray for D. Lord, will You just continue to speak to her and help her to know that each time it is You who has spoken. You see how desire and You know her heart, a keenness for You to fill her life, so Lord, I just want to commit her into Your hands, and trust that You will continue to work and move in her life. I thank You for involving me in this catalyst. Lord, I thank You also for the joy that You have given me, and for seeing me in my most down. I give You glory and thanks for all that You have done in my life! 
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!

Your prodigal son,

Judah

Thy whisper in my ear;
A voice I so keen to hear.

Romans 10: 17
"Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message,
and the message is heard through the word of Christ."