42- delay

Daddy,
This came at a delay. Thank You for ministering to me via a seemingly irrelevant book. I am still struggling to find the discipline to settle down to at least do some reading. I mean I love reading, but I just hate the environment- it never seems right except for when I'm on the train? I would appreciate if there's lesser people, and I don't feel uncomfortable sitting down while other people stand. It seems like a rant, but I do pray for a nice environment when I can really kickstart my resolution.
"Traveling Light" had seemed like an irrelevant book, at least at this point in time when I am more concerned about how to face the people in hall when I have seemingly deserted them during a crunch time, about how to set myself going when the term is passing me by quietly, and quicker than expected too, about how to sustain this difficult walk (supposedly easy). I know about burden, I have watched the Skitguys' play on baggages, I have even written one poem few days back about luggages. But once again, I think I have been proven wrong. Burdens do not only mean those things that seem like burden- sometimes small things- perhaps a little too much of stubbornness, a little too much of independence, a little too much of self-reliance. Things could have been a lot simpler if we follow the best way, the easy way, common way, God's way, but we always choose our ways- the unnecessary detour to demonstrate our self-sufficiency, the extra mile to showcase our capabilities. My fear of persecution and judgement was unnecessary, because those had no bearings on who I am. You look beyond and I thank You for that! 


I guess I have much difficulties putting all that I have gone through today into words, for sharing or for recording, but I just wanna give thanks. Dough McKnight had more blessings than requests in his prayer list despite being hit by multiple sclerosis in the early 30s, I pray for a similar contention, that I would just live out "what I have in my shepherd is greater than what I do not have in my life". It is a difficult conviction, a challenging one, but Lord be my strength. I pray for You to in my heart. 
Today I had my first challenge as a psychology student, hearing things that run in contrary to my belief, that mental illnesses are biological rather than spiritual. A grey area that may not even permit space for a non-mutually-exclusive. Lord, I pray for Your revelation, that You will take away all the ifs, and help me. Help me Lord, to see the truth. Help me to understand Your creations, and help me to know. I continue to seek You in this respect, and let not my faith be shaken, for my life belongs to You!
Lord, today I also want to pray my two sheep (Ryan and Benjamin). I have yet to be in touch with them, but Lord, I thank You for all the goodness and all the blessings You have poured out in their lives. Even more so, I thank You for granting them the excitement to come to Poiema. Hereby Lord, I just want to pray a blessing over them. In Your name, I pray for Your Godly wisdom to be upon them. Grant them the discernment that will bind them close to the Truth. I bless them in their pursuit of studies, that You will smoothen the path ahead of them. I pray for favor, that no matter where they go, they will encounter good people, Godly people who will serve to influence them to be more like You! Lord, I bless this relationship that will be established between me and them, between Daniel and them, between Daniel and me. In You, all things are strengthened, and indeed like what You have said about 2 is better than 1. Let Your glory and goodness thrive in these places.
Finally, Lord, I just want to pray for myself. Lord, let no things be a distraction or even just an excuse to be laid back. Lord, I do not know, but You do. So I just want to commit myself to You. In Your timing, and by Your timing, all things will fall into place, so yes Lord, will You just keep us. Help us, reveal to me my gifting, and I will receive in gratitude.
In Jesus's most precious name I pray,
Amen!

Your child,

Judah

Away I turned I hid my face in guilt;
an abandonment I have chosen, then I chose to be mute.
There is a season for everything the E-book declares,
Abiding in faith, my conviction blares.
A thousand reasons;
an apparent treason.
O Lord, help me, I cry a lonely man.
Your soothing comfort, reminded me of the plan.

1 Samuel 16: 7
"But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him.
The Lord does not look at the things man looks at.
Man looks at the outward appearance,
but the Lord looks at the heart."